DEAR ABBY: After 17 years, my hubby and I separated. He met someone else and fell head over heels for her. Now he's back, but life with him is so different. He shows me no affection, no caring, never a passionate kiss. Our relationship is not the way it used to be.

There is no talking with him, and he calls me all sorts of names -- something he never did before. He tells me he loves me, but he doesn't demonstrate it. When he comes to bed he sleeps at the edge of the bed with no cuddling or sex. What is a woman to do? I truly love him. -- CRYING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CRYING: It appears your husband may not have returned to you willingly. Tell him you can no longer live the way you have been and offer him the "option" of marriage counseling to see if your very sick relationship can be put back on track. If the answer is no, as much as you love him, rather than continue tolerating the emotional abuse you are experiencing, get the heck out of that "marriage."

DEAR ABBY: My son recently confided that his fiancee is pregnant with our first grandchild. He asked me not to share this information with my wife, his mother. He knew she would be upset because he was in the process of breaking up with his fiancee. I told him I would keep his confidence for a short while, but that he should please tell Mom soon.

Two weeks went by before my son finally told his mom about the pregnancy. She was shocked. On the way home, she asked if I had known about it. Well, my life flashed before my eyes. I couldn't lie, so I admitted I knew. She became furious with me and said I should have prepared her for this news and had thrown her under the bus. A big argument followed. Was I wrong to keep my son's confidence? -- IN RETROSPECT IN GEORGIA

DEAR IN RETROSPECT: No, you were not wrong. Because you were asked to keep this in confidence, it was not "your" news to share. Your adult son asked you to keep this to yourself, and it would have been wrong to betray it before he was ready to tell his mother himself. Even if he breaks up with his partner, that baby will be a part of all of your lives for the foreseeable future. Move forward and put this spat to rest.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's father is an alcoholic who lives with my husband and me and our two teens. I buy and prepare his food, put gas in his car and buy his alcohol. I even take his dog out. (If I don't, he lets the dog pee in my house and destroy the wood floors.) When he drinks, he gets angry and threatens my husband and me. He let his dog defecate in my driveway one day and then proceeded to come after us. When I finally had enough of his badgering, I picked it up and put it on the hood of his car. Was I wrong? -- LIVING WITH THE DEVIL

DEAR LIVING: I think so, but what does your husband think about all of this? Is he so used to Dear Old Dad's antics that he accepts them as normal? A way to put an end to your father-in-law's abuse would be to stop buying the gas and his booze. Of course, he won't like that, but if he becomes threatening when he's loaded, it's the only way short of evicting him to protect yourself and your teenagers from his outbursts.

DEAR ABBY: My son will celebrate his 40th birthday soon. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia at 15 and basically lost the years between 15 and 21. Thankfully, at 21, he was given medication that changed his life, and he has been well ever since.

He has always wanted a wife and family. Even when he was in his worst mental state, that one desire prevailed. But other than when he was 15, he has never been on a date. I have encouraged him to try a dating service or two, but his lack of self-confidence keeps him from trying. He told me he has never had a real conversation with a woman. His work also keeps him isolated. Still, he insists he very much wants to be dating by the time he hits 40. Any suggestions? -- MOM WHO CARES IN FLORIDA

DEAR MOM: I do have a couple. Encourage your son to join groups centered around subjects or activities he might be interested in. Whether he meets the love of his life in one of them is beside the point. It will provide him the opportunity to talk with people of the opposite sex and sharpen his social skills.

It might also benefit you to research an organization called NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (nami.org). This group, which has been in existence for 45 years, will give you the opportunity to meet other families who are dealing with a loved one who has a mental illness. NAMI offers support groups and literature on various topics involving the emotional support of someone who is mentally ill. It also helps to create public policy benefiting people with mental challenges.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter's marriage is falling apart. Her husband has not worked during their six-year marriage. He drinks and uses tobacco to mask what I believe are depression, anxiety and other emotional issues. They have two young children, and my daughter cannot get through to him.

I'd like to contact his mother and express to her that until he gets some kind of professional help to deal with his problems, nothing will change. I want him and their marriage to be a success. My daughter and grandchildren deserve it. I don't want to cause problems with his family, but until they face the facts, this marriage is doomed. Would I be overstepping by contacting his family? -- PROACTIVE MOTHER IN THE WEST

DEAR MOTHER: Did all of this start when your son-in-law married your daughter, or did he have emotional problems before? Not knowing him, I can't guess whether he needs a psychotherapist or an alcohol intervention. One thing is certain: Until all of this is brought out into the open, nothing will change.

In-laws are allowed to speak with each other. I don't think it would be overstepping to express to his mother how worried you are about her son's drinking and his inability to hold a job. But I'd clear it with your daughter first.

DEAR ABBY: My longtime girlfriend and I broke up recently. One of the reasons was because we didn't agree on a definition of cheating. She met a friend through work whom I met once, and what I saw and heard during that interaction screamed he was a sleaze who wanted to move in on my girl. I voiced my concerns and asked her to stop seeing this friend, and she agreed.

A week later, she renewed the friendship, communicating through Snapchat. For six months she would have drinks with him, go places with him and have conversations with him without telling me. She swears they never did anything physical. I had seen the signs -- from time to time I'd notice she wasn't where she said she would be, the car would smell like smoke, and we were growing apart.

One day, I finally had had enough and we agreed to separate. Since our first day apart, they have been together. I have told her she cheated on me and I couldn't trust her. She insists she wasn't cheating and I should have been more self-confident and trusting. When two people's definition of cheating differs, what do you do? Who is right? -- WONDERING IN WYOMING

DEAR WONDERING: You are right! Your former girlfriend was sneaking around seeing someone on the side and lying about it. That behavior is the definition of cheating. Stop arguing with her, and be glad that the relationship is over and you are free to find an honest woman to love. I hope the two of them wind up together because they deserve each other.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband died three years ago. We have three grown daughters. He wrote in his will that I was not to be at his funeral, which was hurtful, as we had been married for 30 years. My two older daughters felt it necessary to abide by his wishes. This happened during the pandemic, so not much was done except his burial. He didn't remarry, but the woman he left me for was very much a part of all the planning.

My two older daughters are now planning a celebration of life for him. The problem is that they live out of state and they want to stay with me. I do not want to be involved in any of this "celebration" or even host them. Their relationship with their father during their growing-up years was turbulent because he was an angry person most of the time. Now he's their hero, which I also find painful because I was always their "protector."

Am I looking at this all wrong? What's your advice in dealing with this situation? -- SURVIVOR IN THE WEST

DEAR SURVIVOR: You had a long, unhappy marriage and a difficult divorce that involved another woman. You can't change the way your two older daughters feel about their "hero." Tell your girls they're welcome at your home any time they visit, but because there are so many unpleasant memories associated with this particular event, you prefer they bunk elsewhere this time.