DEAR ABBY: My son will celebrate his 40th birthday soon. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia at 15 and basically lost the years between 15 and 21. Thankfully, at 21, he was given medication that changed his life, and he has been well ever since.

He has always wanted a wife and family. Even when he was in his worst mental state, that one desire prevailed. But other than when he was 15, he has never been on a date. I have encouraged him to try a dating service or two, but his lack of self-confidence keeps him from trying. He told me he has never had a real conversation with a woman. His work also keeps him isolated. Still, he insists he very much wants to be dating by the time he hits 40. Any suggestions? -- MOM WHO CARES IN FLORIDA

DEAR MOM: I do have a couple. Encourage your son to join groups centered around subjects or activities he might be interested in. Whether he meets the love of his life in one of them is beside the point. It will provide him the opportunity to talk with people of the opposite sex and sharpen his social skills.

It might also benefit you to research an organization called NAMI, the National Alliance on Mental Illness (nami.org). This group, which has been in existence for 45 years, will give you the opportunity to meet other families who are dealing with a loved one who has a mental illness. NAMI offers support groups and literature on various topics involving the emotional support of someone who is mentally ill. It also helps to create public policy benefiting people with mental challenges.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter's marriage is falling apart. Her husband has not worked during their six-year marriage. He drinks and uses tobacco to mask what I believe are depression, anxiety and other emotional issues. They have two young children, and my daughter cannot get through to him.

I'd like to contact his mother and express to her that until he gets some kind of professional help to deal with his problems, nothing will change. I want him and their marriage to be a success. My daughter and grandchildren deserve it. I don't want to cause problems with his family, but until they face the facts, this marriage is doomed. Would I be overstepping by contacting his family? -- PROACTIVE MOTHER IN THE WEST

DEAR MOTHER: Did all of this start when your son-in-law married your daughter, or did he have emotional problems before? Not knowing him, I can't guess whether he needs a psychotherapist or an alcohol intervention. One thing is certain: Until all of this is brought out into the open, nothing will change.

In-laws are allowed to speak with each other. I don't think it would be overstepping to express to his mother how worried you are about her son's drinking and his inability to hold a job. But I'd clear it with your daughter first.

DEAR ABBY: My longtime girlfriend and I broke up recently. One of the reasons was because we didn't agree on a definition of cheating. She met a friend through work whom I met once, and what I saw and heard during that interaction screamed he was a sleaze who wanted to move in on my girl. I voiced my concerns and asked her to stop seeing this friend, and she agreed.

A week later, she renewed the friendship, communicating through Snapchat. For six months she would have drinks with him, go places with him and have conversations with him without telling me. She swears they never did anything physical. I had seen the signs -- from time to time I'd notice she wasn't where she said she would be, the car would smell like smoke, and we were growing apart.

One day, I finally had had enough and we agreed to separate. Since our first day apart, they have been together. I have told her she cheated on me and I couldn't trust her. She insists she wasn't cheating and I should have been more self-confident and trusting. When two people's definition of cheating differs, what do you do? Who is right? -- WONDERING IN WYOMING

DEAR WONDERING: You are right! Your former girlfriend was sneaking around seeing someone on the side and lying about it. That behavior is the definition of cheating. Stop arguing with her, and be glad that the relationship is over and you are free to find an honest woman to love. I hope the two of them wind up together because they deserve each other.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband died three years ago. We have three grown daughters. He wrote in his will that I was not to be at his funeral, which was hurtful, as we had been married for 30 years. My two older daughters felt it necessary to abide by his wishes. This happened during the pandemic, so not much was done except his burial. He didn't remarry, but the woman he left me for was very much a part of all the planning.

My two older daughters are now planning a celebration of life for him. The problem is that they live out of state and they want to stay with me. I do not want to be involved in any of this "celebration" or even host them. Their relationship with their father during their growing-up years was turbulent because he was an angry person most of the time. Now he's their hero, which I also find painful because I was always their "protector."

Am I looking at this all wrong? What's your advice in dealing with this situation? -- SURVIVOR IN THE WEST

DEAR SURVIVOR: You had a long, unhappy marriage and a difficult divorce that involved another woman. You can't change the way your two older daughters feel about their "hero." Tell your girls they're welcome at your home any time they visit, but because there are so many unpleasant memories associated with this particular event, you prefer they bunk elsewhere this time.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and her fiance are intelligent, successful professionals in their early 30s. Her fiance just informed her he was a sperm donor for a friend and his wife a few years ago, resulting in two biological children with one more on the way.

He never mentioned this to my daughter before. She suspected that something wasn't right because he would hide his phone (he keeps the children's pictures on it), and she finally confronted him last week.

He bonded with the children during the first year of their lives with frequent visits, then tapered off because the friends had become uncomfortable with his being around (the children both closely resemble him).

Her fiance says he hasn't seen the children since my daughter began dating him two years ago. He says he tried to put the situation behind him, but confessed that he misses them and didn't realize he would feel this way at the time he donated. Neither he nor the children's parents have legal documents in place, and they skipped getting professional advice, believing it would all be fine because they are good friends.

My daughter says she could have accepted that he was a donor and has children, but she is very upset that he hid it from her all this time. They are still engaged, but she has put the wedding plans on hold until they can get through this. They are now talking about counseling. She says her world has been turned upside down. My heart is hurting for her, and we are supportive of any decision she makes. Your opinion is very appreciated. -- SUPPORTIVE IN THE EAST

DEAR SUPPORTIVE: Your daughter is a smart woman to want counseling before she makes any visits to the altar. The man she's engaged to kept her in the dark for two years! I can't help but wonder what else he may be hiding. It may take time for her to trust him again -- if ever.

P.S. Her fiance and those friends should have consulted an attorney about his role as a sperm donor while it was still in the planning stages, if only to avoid any confusion in the future. It's not too late to do that now, and I strongly recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: As a baby boomer, I have filled out a DNR (do not resuscitate) order. I have been wondering, if something were to happen in public, how would first responders know? Strokes run in my family. How does a person make certain that this information is available? It's on file with my doctor, but he's not always available. -- PLANNER IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PLANNER: Emergency first responders are trained to look for certain information when they arrive. You should have "In Case of Emergency" numbers (I.C.E.) in your cellphone as well as in your wallet. There are also medical I.D. bracelets and necklaces available. Because of your family history, you may want to talk with your doctor about getting one.