DEAR ABBY: I live on the bottom floor of a duplex with my wife. My brother-in-law, his wife and their two sons, ages 4 and 2, are upstairs. Since the 2-year-old was born, he's been very rambunctious and fussy. I consider my BIL a good parent overall, but for a while now, I hear him blow up, scream, curse and shout at the younger child. I don't think it's healthy.

I have a hard time with it because of my upbringing, which left a mark. I grew up in a home ruled by intimidation. I am also a school counselor. The 4-year-old has a pronounced speech impediment that I'm hoping the school will help with. As an adult and someone who works with kids, it bothers me to hear this go on every day in our home.

I wouldn't dare to say anything to my BIL or SIL. I'm just worried about the boys. Will they be OK? Please, let me know what to do. We all want my nephews to be well, but I can't blur the line between counselor and aunt. -- FULL OF CONCERN IN THE EAST

DEAR FULL: Nothing will change unless you find the courage to speak out. Involve your wife in this. Both of you should talk to your brother-in-law and sister-in-law about how being intimidated from an early age affected your life. Suggest that if the kids are becoming more than your BIL can handle, he find a way to take a break from them until he calms down. The school may be able to help the older boy with his speech impediment, and you should make sure that the help is requested. Beyond this, there's nothing more you can do to change the unhealthy dynamic upstairs.

DEAR ABBY: I was in a relationship for 48 years. We lived together for 15 years, were married for 30 years and divorced three years ago. We have one married child, who has three children. Not all of our years together were glorious. We had our share of problems, and we just grew apart. Yes, we slept in the same bed and went on vacations, but there was no intimacy for a good 20 years. I would have to ask him for a hug or a kiss, which he would give, but I didn't feel loved. I love him, but I'm no longer in love with him.

I help him any time he asks. We live in the same town. I'm now wondering if our current relationship is a convenience. We share a meal a couple times a week, and he calls or texts almost daily. But he doesn't want me around his current group of friends.

I have my own outside interests, but I'm trying to figure out where I stand in his life. I think I'm OK with a friendship with him. We're both retired. For the record, I have no desire to date, nor do I want to put myself in that position. I dislike being out by myself after dark. Advice, please? -- MOVED ON IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR MOVED ON: If you want to know where you stand in your ex-husband's life, ask him. From my long-distance perspective, the two of you have four decades-plus of mutual experiences, and it's a relationship that has value. If you derive some pleasure from it, why throw it away? However, if maintaining a relationship with him prevents you from moving on in your own life, concentrate on widening your circle of friends and going forward independently.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Laura," had an affair with a married man for 20 years. He had been married twice before, and both wives died. He's only 50, so I find it odd that both of his previous wives died. His second wife passed while Laura was his mistress. She is able to be married to him only because of his second wife's death -- he was never going to leave her.

I don't trust this man, but I feel I must because Laura is married to him and so happy. I'm suspicious that he may have had something to do with his wives' deaths, but I don't know how to prove it. Am I overly suspicious for thinking this? I'm happy for my friend because she is very happy now. They are both retired and enjoying their lives. I'm just hoping he's honest and truly loves her.

I'm not sure how to feel about this cheater, but it does take two -- and Laura stayed with him for 20 years as his mistress. Please advise me. -- SUSPICIOUS IN THE EAST

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: I wish you had mentioned where Laura's husband got the money to retire at age 50. Could it have come from his late wives' insurance policies? If the answer is yes, you may have cause to worry. However, if it didn't, try to be happy for your friend. One caveat: If your intuition is warning you not to trust Laura's husband, do not invest any money with him.

DEAR ABBY: I have an issue with my husband always answering his cellphone when we are out to lunch or out shopping. Instead of letting the call go to voicemail, he insists on picking up and talking for 10 to 15 minutes while I sit there. Ninety-nine percent of the time it's a friend just wanting to chat.

I asked him, if it's not an emergency, to tell the person he is busy at the moment and will call back. I think his behavior is incredibly rude. It makes me feel I'm not important. Am I overreacting, like my husband says? He can't seem to understand how I feel. -- LEFT OUT IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR LEFT OUT: You are not overreacting, and there's nothing wrong with your communication skills. Your husband does understand how you feel; he simply doesn't care. Allowing a non-emergency call to turn into a gab fest while you sit and twiddle your thumbs IS rude, and you are right to call your husband on it.

If he won't consider putting his phone on silent mode while lunching or shopping with you, you may have to resort to bringing something with you to read. Find a book on telephone manners or one that allows you to escape -- I'm thinking about a paperback with Fabio or some other Adonis on the cover -- the wait may be less boring.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and her son's father split up recently. They were together for 10 years. My dilemma is she has started dating another man and has invited me to a special-occasion dinner. I do not approve of this match and I don't care for this person. Should I go to the dinner? -- DISAPPROVING IN ARKANSAS

DEAR DISAPPROVING: Yes, you should. If you don't, you may be seeing a lot less of your daughter and grandchild. Do not signal your disapproval by burning any bridges. The relationship may flame out on its own.

DEAR ABBY: I am marrying the most amazing man next year. We have been together for six years. I have always gotten along with his family and know they will be great in-laws. However, as time has gone by, I've noticed that they cater more and more to my fiance's older sister. She's nearly 30, but she acts like she's 13.

When she has an argument with her spouse, she calls my fiance and makes it sound so dramatic that he drops everything and runs to her rescue. Invariably, it turns out to not be as bad as she was saying. She also talks so badly about her spouse to her parents that I feel embarrassed for him. If she's sick or home alone (her husband travels for work), she sleeps at her parents' house with her infant son instead of staying in her own home, which is a town away.

Her family does EVERYTHING for her -- things that a capable adult should do for herself. Many times, my fiance and I have been on a date or spending time with each other, and then his sister calls and he leaves me to cater to her. It hurts my feelings when he does this.

I know family is important, and I'm not saying he shouldn't help his sister. I have talked with him about this on multiple occasions, but he doesn't seem to understand or isn't interested in talking about it. Am I being unreasonable? Is there anything I can or should do to feel otherwise about it? How do I cope with my feelings about this? -- ANNOYED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ANNOYED: What concerns me about your letter isn't that your fiance goes running to his sister's side when he gets one of her "emergency calls." What troubles me is that when you tell him something bothers you, he "isn't interested in talking about it."

If Sissy and her husband feel it's safer for her to spend nights with her parents when he travels and the parents welcome her, I see no reason why you should be critical of her for it. However, that your fiance would cut short a date or some other activity you are involved in together strikes me as over the top if it isn't a true emergency.

As I see it, you can either accept this as part of their family dynamic, or rethink marrying into that family, because they are not going to change -- and once the parents pass on, Sissy may need her brother more than ever.

DEAR ABBY: I dated a guy long distance for eight months. Whenever he was in my state for work, I'd go see him. Two months ago, he suddenly ghosted me! Two days prior to that, everything was fine. We texted and had a wonderful phone conversation. I'm at a loss. At first I was sad about it, but now I'm angry. I want answers, which I know I probably won't get. What do you think happened? -- LEFT HANGING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LEFT: Long-Distance Guy may have met another woman and ghosted you because he wasn't man enough to be upfront about it. Another possibility is that he was never available in the first place. This is why long-distance relationships can be risky unless you know the person well, and why it's a safer bet to focus on someone local.