DEAR ABBY: My older brother is toxic. I want to cut ties with him because he has always criticized, antagonized, marginalized and dismissed me. He has no filters and also criticizes and ridicules my grown children. I've had enough.

If I were ghosted, I'd want to know why and not be blindsided. But it's pointless to engage or explain to him. He's a lifelong bachelor with no children or significant other, so he has me in his will if he goes first. I would be physically ill to inherit his estate -- home, car, funds and personal effects. I want nothing from him. Should I notify his attorney and copy my brother that I wish to be removed from his will? -- OTHER BROTHER IN WASHINGTON

DEAR OTHER BROTHER: It would be even more effective if you include in your letter the reasons for your decision.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced from "Mildred" for 10 years. I have been with my girlfriend, "Eleanor," for five years, and we are serious. (She was not the cause of the divorce; Mildred's temper was.) My daughter's boyfriend plans to propose to her at a surprise party. All her friends and family will be there. Mildred is hosting the party, and she's refusing to allow Eleanor to attend. My ex and Eleanor have never seen or spoken to each other. What should I do? -- EXCITED DAD IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR DAD: What you should not do is allow your ex-wife's vindictiveness to dictate your social life. If you would like to bring your girlfriend of five years to the party, make plain to your ex that you're bringing her, and then do it. Mildred does not have to like Eleanor to behave like a gracious hostess and a lady. (She probably could benefit from counseling, but do not suggest it.)

Actually, counseling might be helpful for you and Eleanor to help you learn how to handle Mildred in the future, because there will probably be more family celebrations. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I am a daughter who has spent 40 years helping out my parents. My father passed away seven years ago, and I miss him every day. My mother, whom I love very much, has become very needy, demanding and vocal in running all of our lives since Dad's death. I'm at my wit's end and don't know what to do. My mother wants to be waited on hand and foot and has become very lazy. She's 85 and has no major health issues. What do I do before she drives us all nuts? -- FRUSTRATED IN IOWA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Because your mother is in good health and of sound mind, I presume, it may be time for a family intervention. Explain that you love her, but you all have busy lives, and she is going to have to assume more responsibility for herself.

Encourage her to become active with her church or to seek out volunteer opportunities, and guide her toward the nearest senior center where she can find companionship, commiseration and activities she may enjoy to fill her time. I wish you luck. You are all still in the midst of a transition, and they are rarely easy.

DEAR ABBY: My son is in a relationship with "Cheryl." They live together. Cheryl has a daughter and is demanding that I treat the girl as one of my granddaughters. I have bought birthday presents, Christmas gifts and generally spend the same amount on all the kids. But I have been told that Cheryl doesn't like what I buy her daughter and tosses the clothes at one of my other granddaughters who lives there and says, "Here! You take it. It's ugly!"

I know she talks bad about me to my son, and so does her mother. Interestingly, Cheryl's mother doesn't have to buy anything for my granddaughters on their birthdays or Christmas. I'm frustrated because I'm not allowed to have my granddaughters spend the night with me without being told that I must include her daughter. My granddaughters prefer it'd be just them and me.

Am I wrong in feeling that I shouldn't have to take Cheryl's daughter every time my granddaughters want to spend the night with me? -- GRANDKID DILEMMA

DEAR DILEMMA: No, you are not wrong. Is Cheryl's mother also being blackmailed into hosting your granddaughters every time her grandchild stays the night with her? If the answer is no, the same should be true for you.

It's time for a serious private discussion with your son, because it doesn't seem right that he and his girlfriend have an automatic date night every time his daughters want to spend some quality time with Granny. It would be more equitable if you took Cheryl's daughter PART of the time instead of every time.

DEAR ABBY: I have a longtime friend, "Eve," whose husband just died at 55. She is, of course, devastated. To combat her grief and loneliness, she's going out every day or night with dozens of girlfriends. This is good because she's doing all kinds of new sports and activities and filling her time with interesting people and events.

The problem is, she has developed a close relationship with "Anne." Anne did some unbelievably mean, cruel things to me (and others) when she hired me for a short job, and I saw how Machiavellian she really is. I know Eve will one day have a party or some other gathering and invite the two of us with others. I cannot bear to see Anne ever again.

I don't want to tell Eve about my terrible encounters with Anne. But I'm certain she is vulnerable right now in her profound grief, and I'm also certain Anne is using her. Without going into more detail, what would you do? -- CORNERED IN COLORADO

DEAR CORNERED: I would tell Eve about my unpleasant experience with Anne. I would also mention my concern that she is emotionally vulnerable right now, and that in your experience, Anne was extremely manipulative, and she should watch her back. If she asks for specifics, I would give her chapter and verse. In the event that you are subsequently invited to a gathering where Anne will be present, give your regrets.

DEAR ABBY: I am married, but my wife and I are unhappy and have been for years. We grew apart after 17 years. We tried counseling multiple times; it only reinforces the decision to divorce. I have had two affairs. One lasted six months; the other on and off for the past nine months.

The latter lady, "Gayle," and I have an amazing connection in our lifestyles and beliefs. We even have the same birthday. It's undeniable. We also have chemistry like no other. The problem is, she doesn't think we will work. We take breaks, which only lead her to want to see me weeks later.

I have professed my love for her and, while she hasn't said it back, everything points to it. When we are intimate, she cries and tells me how much I mean to her. Gayle is strong-willed, independent and lives her life on her terms. When she makes a decision, it's final. But not with me -- she keeps coming back. I have written her numerous letters declaring my love for her. I get lost in her eyes. I don't want to lose her. Any advice? -- DESPERATE IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR DESPERATE: Granted, you and Gayle may have amazing chemistry and other things in common, including birthdays. However, relationships are supposed to be mutual. As you have described it, this one is entirely on Gayle's terms, and she hasn't told you she loves you. Could it be because you are still married?

You have important issues to straighten out before you can have an open relationship with Gayle. One of them is whether you are ready to end your unhappy marriage. Once you are a free man, Gayle may be more forthcoming and available. If not, your romance wasn't meant to be anything more than an exciting interlude. Before pinning your hopes on Gayle, it's imperative to take control of your own life.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 12 years. Both of us were widowed. My husband has a cemetery plot next to his first wife. In a nearby city, I have a cemetery plot next to my first husband, which includes a combined headstone with my name already engraved. Our plan was to leave it to our children to make the arrangements when the time comes, but we realize it may not be fair to them.

We both believe funerals are for the living and not for the dead, but I don't think it's fair to ignore my new husband's last name in my final resting place. Neither do I want to negate my relationship of 23 years with my first husband. What would be the proper way to resolve this so none of our children feel disrespected in relation to their parents? We all have close relationships with each other. -- PERPLEXED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR PERPLEXED: The first thing to do is discuss this dilemma with your children and explain your wishes. Then contact the cemetery and inquire about adding your married name to the existing headstone or purchasing a new headstone for your eventual final resting place. It's certainly worth asking.