DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of three years wants me to move in with him. He's a great guy. He's loving and affectionate, kind and caring. We want the same things for our kids and have quite a few things in common. We enjoy playing sports, and we're both foodies. He checks a lot of my boxes, so I know I'm ready for marriage.

We both have kids. He has a 10-year-old girl; I have a 4-year-old boy. He has asked me multiple times to move in with him, but I'd like to be engaged or married before doing so. He wants us to live together first because my relationship with his daughter hasn't flourished. He'd also like to build a trusting relationship with my son, which I understand and find equally important.

He says we must live together before he proposes to me because we need to work on our finances and careers, etc. He has now given me an ultimatum -- either I move in, or he moves on. What am I to do? Am I asking for too much? -- COERCED IN FLORIDA

DEAR COERCED: I don't think it's too much to want a commitment from your loving, affectionate, rigid and controlling boyfriend before moving in with him. "Move in or I'm dumping you" doesn't seem particularly "loving" to me -- it seems more like emotional blackmail.

Tell him you have concerns because your relationship with his daughter -- after three years -- "hasn't flourished." Does she live with him? Things won't improve if your presence is forced on her. From where I sit, it appears he wants to "try you on for size" with absolutely no commitment on his part. If you do what he's demanding, there is no guarantee he will ever propose marriage. Move on.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a retired married man. My sister, who is four years younger, was recently widowed. She was married for a long time to an abusive alcoholic who eventually drank himself to death. Sometime later, she married a friend of hers who I suspect was also abusive. He died a year ago, leaving her with almost nothing.

Because of differences in our political and spiritual beliefs, my sister and I are not close. She tends to be very defensive in conversation and emails. However, my wife and I have been thinking we'd like to give her something monetarily so she could be more comfortable. It wouldn't be a single gift on our part, or a large amount. We feel it would be best if given on a weekly or monthly basis.

How should I approach my sister about it? There will be no strings attached, just a regularly given amount to do with however she wants. Any thoughts you have would be greatly appreciated. -- NOT CLOSE, BUT CARING

DEAR NOT CLOSE: You are caring, thoughtful and generous. It is a shame that political differences have driven a wedge between you and your sister. Because she "tends to be defensive" when the two of you make contact, ask your attorney to write her a letter explaining that you and your wife are doing some "estate planning" and you wish to give her a certain sum of money each week (or month) to use as she wishes. If she's interested, she should contact the attorney so the arrangements can be made.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 50-year-old man who has been divorced twice. The last one was two years and eight months ago. Last year, I met a wonderful woman, and we have been dating and building a beautiful relationship together. A month ago, I proposed to her, and she accepted.

Everything is going great, but I'm intimidated by all the men she has been with prior to us. She had a lot of toxic relationships and was sexually active with a lot of different men. When we have sex, she tells me I'm not assertive enough and she wants me to be more aggressive. It makes me feel like she isn't happy with me sexually and she will sooner or later look outside our relationship.

Am I right to feel this way? I don't want to be in a relationship that will end because of our sex life. What should I do? -- FEELING INADEQUATE IN UTAH

DEAR FEELING INADEQUATE: Good sex has everything to do with open communication between the partners. Your lady friend's past isn't a problem unless you make it one. She is trying to tell you what she needs from you. If you are not clear on what that means, ask her to elaborate. If it's not to your liking, be honest, but do not advance this relationship further until you get this worked out.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter "Claudia" has been dating and living with "Justin" -- the boy next door. They moved to Florida months back and loved each day together. Then, the unthinkable happened. Justin's father was diagnosed with a rare disease and died two weeks later. His last words to Justin were, "Take care of your mom."

Justin and Claudia immediately returned to New York. Each day has been a nightmare with his mom. She ignores Claudia and talks only to her son. Justin is 25 and hasn't lived at home for years. When she calls, she yells at him and he goes running to her. She no longer talks to us, although we had a nice relationship when her husband was alive.

Justin loves his mom, but he's torn. What can my daughter do? Justin ignores how she's being treated and the tears it has caused. It breaks my heart. We love and adore him. Please help. -- HURTING FOR THEM

DEAR HURTING: Justin is going through a painful emotional period right now. If you have any influence on him, express to him that you are concerned for him and his mother, that she may need grief counseling beyond what he can offer her, and that he might also benefit from counseling until things settle down.

A licensed mental health professional would help him deal with his mother more effectively than he's doing presently, as well as provide him with a safe place to vent. As to your daughter, tell Claudia this period probably won't last forever, so she may want to give it time. If not, she'll have to decide whether she needs to move on.

DEAR ABBY: I've been married for more than 30 years. My husband and I split all bills and everything else. This has worked because, in life, I have always taken care of myself. My issue is his cheap attitude about every little dime. He always makes sure I pay my fair share to the penny, but when it comes to his reimbursing me, he usually rounds down to the dollar.

While he's tight with the family, he's generous to everyone else. He is generous not only with his money, but also his time. His stinginess toward me makes me feel I'm unimportant to him. (I am very generous to him.) Why are our family and I lowest on his priority list while he's so generous to everyone else? -- FEELING SLIGHTED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FEELING: Your husband may have cultivated the reputation of being benevolent and munificent because he feels it is to his advantage. He may not feel the need to impress you and other family members because he sees no advantage in it. What a miserable, miserly husband you have. I'm surprised that rather than write to me, you haven't confronted him about it. Things might have been different if had you spoken up decades ago.

DEAR ABBY: My wife passed away six months ago after a long struggle with Alzheimer's. I was her primary caregiver. Since she passed, her brother has been showing the same symptoms of paranoia she started with. Contact with him brings back sad memories, but I don't know how to talk to him about it without starting a big family upset. Your thoughts? -- SEES SIGNS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SEES SIGNS: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your wife. Her relatives should be aware that this disease can run in families so they can watch for it. It may be counterproductive to talk to your brother-in-law about this. Start by talking to his closest relatives (spouse, siblings, children if he has any) about your concerns and the signs you are seeing. He will need to be evaluated by medical professionals to determine what, if any next steps, need to be taken.

As you probably know, if your former BIL does have Alzheimer's, the Alzheimer's Association is there to provide emotional support and practical advice. The association's website is at alz.org, and its 24/7 Helpline is 1-800-272-3900.

DEAR ABBY: I was at a semiformal dinner party with my wife and five other couples. During the first course, I found a large green caterpillar (alive) in my salad. What's the best way to handle this type of situation? -- YIKES! IN TEXAS

DEAR 'YIKES!': It goes without question that the "uninvited visitor" be evicted. A way to do that without embarrassing your host would be to quietly pick the critter up, excuse yourself from the table and release it into the wild out a window or the back door. If you are a devout animal lover, take a bit of lettuce with you so it won't go hungry.