DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of three years wants me to move in with him. He's a great guy. He's loving and affectionate, kind and caring. We want the same things for our kids and have quite a few things in common. We enjoy playing sports, and we're both foodies. He checks a lot of my boxes, so I know I'm ready for marriage.
We both have kids. He has a 10-year-old girl; I have a 4-year-old boy. He has asked me multiple times to move in with him, but I'd like to be engaged or married before doing so. He wants us to live together first because my relationship with his daughter hasn't flourished. He'd also like to build a trusting relationship with my son, which I understand and find equally important.
He says we must live together before he proposes to me because we need to work on our finances and careers, etc. He has now given me an ultimatum -- either I move in, or he moves on. What am I to do? Am I asking for too much? -- COERCED IN FLORIDA
DEAR COERCED: I don't think it's too much to want a commitment from your loving, affectionate, rigid and controlling boyfriend before moving in with him. "Move in or I'm dumping you" doesn't seem particularly "loving" to me -- it seems more like emotional blackmail.
Tell him you have concerns because your relationship with his daughter -- after three years -- "hasn't flourished." Does she live with him? Things won't improve if your presence is forced on her. From where I sit, it appears he wants to "try you on for size" with absolutely no commitment on his part. If you do what he's demanding, there is no guarantee he will ever propose marriage. Move on.