DEAR ABBY: I lost my husband of 20 years a little over two years ago. Last year, I moved to another state to be close to family. I rented an apartment, and my best friend moved with me. Shortly after, I met a much younger man. He was immediately interested in me. He's sweet, kind and very handsome. It took me months to realize that I'm also interested in him.

We began spending time together, including bedroom fun. He has told me at least twice he loves me, and I told him the same. His demeanor and expressions match his words, and we agreed for the time being to be friends with benefits.

Three months ago, he met someone much closer to his age. But even in front of her he holds me close and tells me he loves me. She has now slapped a ring on his finger and is pushing him for marriage. He keeps saying he's not ready. We feel that until the day he says "I do," it's OK for us to continue our bedroom fun. I'm new to the dating world, and he's my first since my husband passed. Am I doing the right thing? -- LOVING THE FUN IN WASHINGTON

DEAR LOVING: It is extremely difficult to hit a moving target. No one "slaps a ring" on another person's finger unless that person holds still for it. You are NOT doing the right thing by continuing to sleep with this man. In fact, you may be heading for a painful fall. When he marries his fiancee, you will be history once she realizes you are more than a good friend he "loves" but also a former bed partner.

DEAR ABBY: Our family has a thrilling story in its history about our grandfather and his brothers rescuing the family's player piano from their burning house. The house burned to the ground, and they lost nearly everything but the piano, which is now shuffled among family members' homes.

It's not particularly attractive, and it's certainly not playable even as a regular piano. It's one of the cheap, mass-produced, no-name models that were popular in the 1920s. There are relatives who are desperate to keep it in the family, but who don't have the space to store it or the money to refurbish it.

I'm not sentimental. If it were dumped on me, I'd throw it out. I told them they should take lots of photos of it and get rid of it. If some family members rescued a giant TV set from a fire, it wouldn't make sense to keep it around for 100 years.

I'm sure they enjoyed the player piano as a source of entertainment in its time, but that time has passed. My question is, how do you get people to let go of material possessions that have become a huge burden? -- UNFINISHED SONG IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR UNFINISHED: You stated that if someone gave you that old piano, you would junk it. If someone wants to give it a home, that is where it should go. I'm having trouble understanding why the fate of that instrument is your problem. Make it clear to your relatives that you want nothing to do with that piece of furniture and let it go.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for five years. It started out wonderful, but now I'm having second thoughts. He keeps putting my kids down and telling me I'm a bad mother. It's so bad he has even put a knife to my throat. And, yes, he hits me.

I am not an angel, but I always stand up for him and have his back. However, I don't see him having mine. There's so much more I could say, but I am scared if he knew I was writing to you it would end up bad for me. I need help, but I don't know what to do. He has isolated me from my family and friends. Please help me. -- LOST AND AFRAID IN THE EAST

DEAR LOST: The man you are involved with is a dangerous abuser. What you must do next, for the sake of yourself and your children, is quietly contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233 or visiting thehotline.org for help in formulating a safe escape plan.

It has been some time since I printed the Warning Signs of an Abuser. For anyone who hasn't seen this list, these are classic indicators. Read on:

(1) PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

(2) JEALOUS: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.

(3) CONTROLLING: If you are late, interrogates you intensively about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.

(4) UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.

(5) ISOLATION: Tries to isolate you from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.

(6) BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if something goes wrong.

(7) MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, "You make me angry" instead of "I am angry," or says, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."

(8) HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.

(9) CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partners will also abuse children.

(10) "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.

(11) VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you with relentless verbal abuse.

(12) RIGID ROLE OF DOMINANCE: Expects you to serve, obey and remain at home.

(13) SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.

(14) PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person "made" him (or her) do it.

(15) THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck" or "I'll kill you," and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way," or "I didn't really mean it."

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and I separated two months after our wedding. Our divorce was final five months ago. After I left him, I started talking to a younger guy I had a lot in common with. However, he has a gambling problem and ended up stealing money from my cash app.

He eventually paid me back and has done everything in his power to get me to trust him again. We are both very attracted to each other. After he repaid the money, he told me he was in a very dark place and felt horrible about doing it.

He says he loves me, and even though I tried fighting it, I love him too. But there are issues -- the trust, the gambling and the age gap. I'm 15 years older. He's still very young, and I know when I was his age, I wanted different things than I want now. I'm worried he'll lose interest in me because we are at different points in our lives.

We aren't exactly labeled a couple but we act like we are. No one but very close friends of mine knows about our situation. Should I cut ties before my heart gets broken? -- TENTATIVE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR TENTATIVE: The age difference may not be a deal-breaker, but the fact that he stole from you should be. How is he dealing with his gambling addiction? Is he still gambling? Has he joined a support group such as Gamblers Anonymous to help him cope with it? Because you divorced after only two months of marriage -- and now this -- there may be something wrong with your "manpicker." Before you make any more big decisions about men, I suggest that you talk to a psychologist about why you seem to be rushing in and out of relationships.

DEAR ABBY: I just found out my husband and our female friend of 18 months have been texting each other. Allegedly, according to my husband, it's about politics. My husband and I don't share the same political views. He says he has nobody to talk to about politics. I don't understand why he doesn't talk about politics with his male friends.

I find it suspicious that neither my husband nor this "friend" ever mentioned they were communicating with each other. I think he is going outside our marriage seeking validation from another woman. When I said it, he called me crazy, immature and insanely jealous. I'm not.

I think he's endangering our marriage because things can start innocently, and he's seeking something I can't give him. He knew my political affiliation before we married. Our marriage barely survived the last presidential election. Now this. Can I have some advice, please? -- UNEASY IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNEASY: You're not crazy, immature or jealous. You are a wife who is worried that her marriage is in jeopardy. If the three of you socialize together and the subject of politics comes up, engage with them diplomatically without allowing the conversation to degenerate into an argument. And suggest to your husband privately that since the texts are "only political" in nature, you would like to be able to look at them occasionally.