DEAR ABBY: I'm a medical student. I don't have kids or a family of my own yet, but I'd like it to happen one day. When I have kids of my own, I intend to push them to be the very best in whatever they want to do. I will ingrain in them "tough love" and demand excellence from them.

My classmates, friends and I grew up similarly. We did well enough in high school to get into a good college and have successful lives after that. My friends and I did all the same things in college we did in high school. We joined clubs, volunteered, took leadership roles, earned good grades and got good recommendation letters in order to outcompete our peers and get where we wanted to go.

When I have kids, I want them to emulate what I did, achieve the same way academically and succeed. Am I wrong? I know it will be challenging to raise kids to outcompete their peers for things they want to do or are passionate about. I know I won't have complete control over them because they are human beings and not robots. Maybe I won't have kids at all. I'm not sure yet. Any thoughts? -- EYE ON FUTURE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR EYE: There may be some variables you aren't taking into consideration. If and when you finally meet someone and embark upon starting a family, you will find it to be a joint effort. You cannot dictate someone else's parenting style.

Also, children do not all learn in the same way. Some thrive by being pushed by a demanding parent. Others rebel or wilt. It's fine to use your own upbringing as a model, but allow some flexibility because, as you stated, children are not robots. Remember that.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of two years and I just bought our first house. It is truly magical -- everything we've ever wanted. We plan to live together for another two years before getting engaged or married.

My parents and his parents have met only once. We'll be having our housewarming party soon and I am SO nervous! His family has a drama problem and so does mine. His sisters and father don't get along with his mother due to problems that happened years ago. There are a few sticky situations on my side as well.

I want my boyfriend to be able to invite his mother, but if we do, half of his family won't show up. And I'm super nervous about the rest of his family meeting mine. Our family members hold grudges. What should we do? -- NERVOUS IN INDIANA

DEAR NERVOUS: You are not responsible for the behavior of your extended family members. Accept that you can't please everyone in a family that clings to grudges. Invite whom you wish to your housewarming. If some folks choose to leave or skip the event, that's their choice and their loss. In your home, you should entertain whomever you want.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Living a Soap Opera" (Jan. 3), the unhappy woman who is married to an alcoholic. She is flattered by the three younger men she's conversing with online. My experience is that when men say they are in a place where you can't meet them, such as stationed far away in the army or on a ship, and they immediately fall in love with you, it's most likely a scam.

I'm not saying this to hurt her feelings or deflate her ego, but for the purpose of safety. If they start asking for money, beware! Vulnerable people easily get scammed in this way. Sadly, I know this from experience, so I just wanted to give a heads-up. -- THANKFUL I CAUGHT ON

DEAR THANKFUL: Many readers saw red flags in "Living's" letter, with some pointing out that the "in the military" scenario is a common one. "Living" should do as much research as she can on "catfishing" and these kinds of scams, and never send money for any reason. Readers also recommended she attend Al-Anon meetings if she hasn't been, and look for activity groups locally to add some positivity to her life.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for 10 years. Last year, his brother's baby mama died, and we are stuck raising his brother's 11-year-old son. I told my husband I don't want to do this, but he refuses to listen. My youngest child is 28 years old. I think he is choosing this over our marriage. Advice? -- POST-PARENT IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR POST-PARENT: This should not have been a unilateral decision. Why isn't the boy's father prepared to raise his son? Are there other relatives, such as your in-laws, who could step in? If your husband is dead set on going forward over your objection, make clear in advance that because you have raised your children, HE will be doing the heavy lifting -- cooking, laundry, homework supervision, school conferences, etc., for his nephew -- and not you. That poor boy deserves to be raised in a loving and welcoming home, so please make an effort to be kind to him.

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, my father gave my mother a mink coat and a gold and diamond necklace. Shortly afterward, he left her for another woman. Mom gave me the coat and the necklace because she wouldn't wear them. She passed away several years ago, and now, due to health expenses, I need whatever money the necklace may bring. Am I wrong to sell it? My daughter doesn't want me to, but I don't think she knows the whole story. -- LETTING GO IN VIRGINIA

DEAR LETTING GO: Because you need the money the necklace would bring, by all means sell it. And when you do, explain to your daughter that while she may consider the necklace to be a treasured heirloom from her grandmother, it's really a reminder of a painful betrayal, and necessity dictates that you unload it now.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for six years. The problem is his sister and the emotional hold she seems to have on him. There have been several instances in which she has been disrespectful and invasive where OUR business is concerned.

When I object to my husband about it, his response is either that he's sorry or he acts like he doesn't understand why I find her behavior intrusive. When he talks to her on the phone, it's as if he feels compelled to tell her OUR business, i.e. financial status, which I have told him repeatedly is none of her business, to which he agreed. Yet he recently did it again.

He acts like he's afraid of her -- like she has some type of emotional hold on him. I'm about to blow a gasket. I want to revisit the subject in a way that he will FINALLY understand my point of view and not be so eager to share everything that goes on in our home. Any thoughts? -- PRIVATE PERSON IN ILLINOIS

DEAR PRIVATE: You and your husband were raised in two different kinds of families. His is more open; yours, not so much. I would be curious to know whether your husband divulges this financial information of his own volition, or if his sister quizzes him about it. Because this makes you uncomfortable and you have asked your husband to refrain from doing it, it may take professional mediation to get through to him. Please consider it.

DEAR ABBY: I lived in New York all my life. I moved to Florida a year ago because of my health and to be near my daughter and granddaughters. I have been depressed ever since I got here. I miss New York and my best friend very much. I can't sleep. I sit and cry and I have no motivation to do anything. My daughter has been great to me, but when I try to talk to my husband about how I feel, he doesn't care. He yells and walks away. I'm so confused. I feel I can't move on. Can you give me any advice? -- DISPLACED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR DISPLACED: Your reason for moving to Florida was a rational one. However, feelings are not always rational. Your move has placed you in a situation where the surroundings are unfamiliar and your support system (your best friend) is no longer there for you.

The symptoms you have described are those of a deep depression. Do not allow it to become chronic. Some sessions with a licensed mental health adviser may help you to adjust to your new circumstances so you can explore your options for more social interaction.

P.S. I wish you had asked me about the wisdom of relocating before you did it because I would have advised you to rent for a year to be sure you would be happy in Florida before making it permanent.