life

Coming-Out Creates Tension Between Longtime Friends

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 14th, 2023 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: A dear friend, "Lorraine," contacted me because her daughter "Gabby" came out to her as bisexual and Lorraine knew I had experience with "this type of thing." My daughter is bisexual.

Lorraine was repulsed by her daughter's revelation and upset that Gabby expected her to be supportive and wear pride stickers, etc. My friend didn't understand why she needed to be proud, and she told Gabby that even if she were a murderer she would still love her, and that was all that was important. I'm mortified and unsure how to handle this.

We fly my daughter's flag outside her window. We wear pride gear and celebrate Pride Month with her. I tried explaining to Lorraine that we are supporting our daughter's courage to come out and be comfortable and proud of who she is. When I said it, Lorraine snorted! Although we have been friends for many years, I never realized she felt this way.

I'm struggling with whether to break ties with her or continue trying to help her understand, love and support her daughter. Hearing the hate in her voice is extremely upsetting for me when we talk, but I hang onto a sliver of hope I can change her mind about this. Am I crazy to think that? -- CONFLICTED FRIEND IN FLORIDA

DEAR FRIEND: Whether you should maintain the relationship with Lorraine may depend upon how long she has known about Gabby's sexual orientation. If the news is fresh and Lorraine has led a sheltered life, she may be shocked and dismayed by the revelation. That said, the conversation you had with her can only have been painful and insulting for you. You must care for the woman a lot, because a lesser person would have hung up on her. If you feel there is hope, keep trying to enlighten your friend. It may have an impact. However, if it doesn't, draw the line.

life

Mom Graduates College — Now What?

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 14th, 2023 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a young woman under 30 with three children. I have been married for five years. I just graduated from college. I have no direction (at least, don't think I do) of where I am going. I feel like a scared little bee in a room full of bears. All I know is I want to make an impact on my family and go forward, breaking generations that never graduated from college.

I look at some people who have the same degree I do, and they're working at discount department stores. It motivates me to buck that trend, but I don't know where to start. What would you do, Abby? -- MOTIVATED IN MARYLAND

DEAR MOTIVATED: If there is a career counseling service at the college from which you graduated, start there. Ask how you can apply the degree you earned in a way that will benefit your family. Because so many others have this same college degree, inquire about whether you need to work on a master's degree to gain employment in your field. Then get your husband on board, because you will need child care and financial help to achieve your goal. Check online for job resources and consider finding a temp job to help with family finances in the meantime.

life

Boyfriend Texts Exes on Special Occasions

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 13th, 2023 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together six years. We are both divorced. We plan on being married in six months. He's a perfect partner except for one thing. Every holiday, he jumps out of bed in the morning and takes his phone with him into the bathroom. There he texts his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend. He feels the need to wish them a happy whatever holiday it is. This hurts my feelings.

I don't understand why it's so important for him to contact them. Apparently, they are the first thing on his mind every holiday, or maybe every day. I don't know if I should marry him. I believe he still loves his ex-wife. Help, please. -- SUSPICIOUS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SUSPICIOUS: I will assume that sometime over the past six years you have discussed this at least once with your boyfriend. This means he knows that when he jumps out of bed, takes his phone and hides in the bathroom to text his exes, it makes you feel insecure.

If you really think he may still be in love with his ex-wife, do not marry this person. Because the two of you intend to move on to the next level (engagement), it's time for you to seek premarital counseling. If you do, you will discuss topics such as money, child-rearing and whatever he is doing that makes you uncomfortable (and vice versa). It should help you avoid conflict once you are married.

life

Bowler Miffed by League's High Rollers

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 13th, 2023 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I live in a small town with a population of about 10,000. There is almost nothing to do here. There is a skating rink, a movie theater and a bowling alley. Since bowling in a league is a weekly thing, I joined one.

Our bowling center has been bought by a former professional bowler. She has formed a team consisting of herself, her fiance, her son and a friend who are all top-notch bowlers. Her son scores in the high 200s every game he bowls. Since they own the place, they get unlimited practice. The lady pro has taught them everything she knows. The rest of us don't stand a chance of winning a game against them. Should I just not care and think of it as a night out, and accept that when we bowl against the "big guns," as they have been referred to, we can count on losing?

It's true that it's not about winning; it's about having fun. But it's disheartening that we already know the outcome before the night begins. There are other leagues to bowl in. Maybe I should join one of those? If we all drop out one by one, I'm sure they will figure out what's going on. Any advice? -- AVERAGE BOWLER IN TENNESSEE

DEAR BOWLER: Talk to the new owner of the bowling alley and tell her how you and the other players feel. This is her livelihood, and she needs to know that it may be time to start a new league of less practiced bowlers like yourself. If she's a good businesswoman, she will be open to it. If she isn't, you and the others should take your business elsewhere.

life

Silent Treatment Replaces Friendship After 40 Years

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 12th, 2023 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with a woman I'll call "Blanche" for 40 years. We used to work together, and we supported each other during our divorces and other life problems. We lost touch for a time, then reconnected. I kept in touch with her for years through email at her work. We both are on Facebook, and she knows how to contact me.

Since she retired six months ago, I haven't heard from her. She comments online and "likes" things I post, but that's it. I have now blocked her and moved on, which may seem harsh, but the story is too long to explain. I was depressed early on, but I'm over it now. I had to accept that she no longer wanted to continue our friendship. And yes, we have discussed this before. Am I wrong to let it go and move on? -- OVER IT IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR OVER IT: Sometimes in life we must make a conscious decision to do what's right for ourselves. In a case like the one you have described, it is not only not wrong to let go of a relationship that has withered, it is healthier. Move on and waste no more time looking back.

life

Family Regrets Giving Away Would-Be Heirloom

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 12th, 2023 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Many years ago, shortly after our mother's death, my sister and I impulsively gave our friend my mother's pearl necklace. We have regretted it ever since. We wish we hadn't acted so quickly, because the pearls were a gift from our dad to our mom.

Is it too late to ask her to return it? I'd like to pass it on to my granddaughter but don't want to offend my long-lost friend. At any rate, I have learned -- and hope others will heed this advice -- do not act impulsively when giving away precious mementos of your loved ones. You may regret it. Thank you, Abby, for considering this sensitive issue. God bless. -- REGRET IT IN THE EAST

DEAR REGRET: It may not be too late to ask for the necklace, provided you can locate your "long-lost" friend. It's worth a try, but keep in mind that once the gift was given, it belonged to the recipient. I am printing your letter because I am sure you and your sister are not the only folks who have done this, which is why grieving family members are advised to postpone making serious decisions for one year after the demise of a loved one.

life

Aunt Wants Some Respect From Nephew

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 12th, 2023 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I love being an aunt, but my teenage nephew calls me by my first name. More than once I have asked him to call me Aunt, but then I get corrected by other relatives who say what a silly tradition it is. Recently, I told my nephew if he's too old to call me Aunt, then I'm certainly too old to send gifts. Am I wrong? -- AUNT IN WISCONSIN

DEAR AUNT: I understand your feelings. You are entitled to be called whatever you wish, and "other relatives," including your nephew, should respect your wishes. However, if you quit giving gifts to your nephew for your stated reason, you can be sure he will be calling you something, but it won't be "Aunt."

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Tourist Town
  • More Useful
  • Mr. Muscles
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
  • Future In-Laws Pressure Bride to Convert
  • Excessive Daydreaming Worries Grandmother
  • Bad-Smelling Carpets Make Visits to In-Laws Unpleasant
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal