DEAR ABBY: I found out today that my wife was sexting with a man in another state. His girlfriend sent me a message, which included a series of screenshots. I had confronted my wife regarding this prior to receiving the messages, but she swore she had sent only one topless photo and nothing else. After I reviewed the messages, I saw much more.

She claims "she doesn't remember everything," which I find hard to believe. Worse, they had planned to meet. She claims she didn't, but I saw a message saying that once I went back home (we were visiting her parents), she would stay an extra week with our son so he could "spend more time with the grandparents" -- and she could maneuver to meet up with him. She claims she didn't, but I can't believe her based upon her lying repeatedly about this.

We have a child together, so I don't want to walk away, but I'm deeply hurt and no longer trust her. I know you will recommend marriage counseling, but beyond that process, is there anything I should do? -- LOST IN THE EAST

DEAR LOST: Has your wife always been this way, or is this behavior something new? She seems to be severely allergic to the truth. By all means, attempt marriage counseling if she is willing. However, if she isn't willing, have some counseling without her. And start interviewing attorneys to represent you in what is likely to be a divorce. Without trust, there can be no marriage.

P.S. Save those messages and images the girlfriend sent you because they could come in handy.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 59 and the oldest of four children. When we were kids, our parents were raging alcoholics. They smoked pot and were barely functioning adults. As the oldest, I was tasked with caring for and raising the other three, which I did to protect them from my parents' nonsense.

We were never close to our parents. Our father passed some years ago, which left our mom, who continued to live her booze-filled life. She was a terrible mother. She never protected us from my father's verbal and physical abuse. My brother still has nightmares about him.

Now that our mother has dementia, my siblings make a lot of effort to spend time with her. I refuse to have anything to do with her. My sisters say I should make amends because she won't live forever. I have made my peace with it all, and I'm fine without what I never had.

My siblings think I should "just get over it" because she can't remember anything. Because she can't remember doesn't negate the fact that it happened. I've had a fantastic life and family without her being part of it. I'm truly happy. Am I wrong for standing strong on my decision? -- RESOLUTE IN FLORIDA

DEAR RESOLUTE: Because your mother can no longer remember what a failure she was as a parent doesn't mean you must magically forget. She has reached a point where she is beyond any help you can give her. Now it's time to take care of yourself. If you feel it's better to stand strong on your decision, do not allow yourself to be guilted into doing otherwise.

DEAR ABBY: Recently I have found myself in a difficult spot. My whole life I dreamed about marrying a college football player and, for the past eight months, I have been in a serious relationship with one. Last week he called me and told me we should take a break.

Immediately afterward, I have met up with a close friend from high school, and I think I may be developing feelings for him. He doesn't have the great looks my boyfriend has, but he is much kinder to me and he treats me right.

I'm stuck because my boyfriend called me last night saying he wants to talk over dinner, and I think he wants to get back together. Should I stick with my longtime, super-good-looking boyfriend, or leave him for the guy I know will treat me right? -- HARD CHOICE IN THE WEST

DEAR HARD CHOICE: You do not marry an occupation; you marry a person. A handsome partner who distances himself from you one week and wants to reconcile the next would make a terrible husband. Take it slow and stick with someone who will treat you right and you will have a far happier life. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 24, married and have no children. I don't consider myself to be nervous when I'm around children, but when they're in my home or car, shouldn't I be allowed to ask them to stop whatever they're doing wrong without the mother getting upset?

My neighbor and I carpool twice a week to our dance workout classes. Her child was topsy-turvy all over the back seat with her shoes leaving marks on my back window. When I asked the child to please take her feet off the window, her mother, to my surprise, announced that next time she would drive her own car, that she was uncomfortable and "hoped my future children would be perfect"! She also remarked that I'm the same way in my home.

Abby, was I wrong not to let it go when I was uncomfortable in my car? -- SOILED IN SANTA FE

DEAR SOILED: No, you were not wrong. In case you have forgotten, children are required by law to wear seat belts (or sit in a car seat) when in a moving vehicle. In your car and your home, your rules should prevail. No one should create a mess, and if an accident does happen, the parent should clean it up. The woman overreacted. "Mother of the Year" she is not.

DEAR ABBY: My 10-year-old daughter is a beautiful girl inside and out. She's caring, loving and sweet to everyone. My only concern is that she still sleeps in the bed with her mom. While I don't object to this and am willing to sacrifice and sleep elsewhere, should I be concerned about her psychological development? -- HER DADDY IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR DADDY: Most children in our culture have learned to sleep independently by the age of 2. Your daughter should not have displaced you from your marriage bed for the last 10 years, but that is a separate issue. Because you are concerned about whether the sleeping arrangement is damaging to her psychological development, the resource to consult is a licensed child psychologist.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a son, daughter-in-law and grandson. We moved from another city to be closer to them and be part of their lives. The problem is, my husband dislikes our daughter-in-law's parents. He refuses to spend holidays or attend other activities where both sets of parents will be.

I don't think the other parents or my daughter-in-law are aware of his dislike. This leaves me feeling extremely sad and not knowing what to do. I feel this is his problem and not mine. I have no issues with the other parents. I feel I should be able to attend my grandson's activities without him. There are times when we visit our son and his family alone, so that works out well.

Neither our son nor our daughter-in-law knows how he feels, and I can't say anything for fear that it will cause hurt feelings, especially for my daughter-in-law, whom I love very much. Please advise. -- MOM IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR MOM: Relationships can be complicated. Not all families meld easily. It's regrettable, but it's also a fact. While it would be nice if your husband would be willing to make an effort to control his distaste so he could be included in more get-togethers, he has made it clear that he isn't. Continue visiting with your son, DIL and in-laws when the opportunity arises. Let your husband "have other plans, be busy," etc. If your son or DIL asks why your husband is absent so often, tell them to ask him.

DEAR ABBY: I am a male reader who was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for a number of years. I believed, as I was told repeatedly, that there was no hope of freeing myself and that I was stuck in that situation for the rest of my life.

I am here today to say THIS IS NOT TRUE. It was just another manipulative lie from my abuser. I broke free, made a new life for myself and I am happy! I'm back in touch with old friends and family I hadn't been allowed to contact. I now have a healthy, nurturing relationship.

Please, Abby, tell your readers if they are experiencing abuse and feel stuck, to believe in themselves. They can have their lives back. They should reach out and not feel embarrassed. They can make this happen. Please pass along my message. -- FREE AT LAST

DEAR FREE: Congratulations on reclaiming your life. As your letter illustrates, partner abuse can happen regardless of gender. Although the focus is usually on women, abuse also happens to men, straight and gay. The abuse can be physical, emotional or both.

An organization I have mentioned in this column before is Stop Abuse For Everyone (SAFE). It's a support resource for abused individuals, regardless of age, race, gender or sexual orientation. Readers, to learn more about SAFE, visit stopabuseforeveryone.org.