life

Man Wants To Avoid Contact Entirely With Son's In-Laws

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 6th, 2023 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a son, daughter-in-law and grandson. We moved from another city to be closer to them and be part of their lives. The problem is, my husband dislikes our daughter-in-law's parents. He refuses to spend holidays or attend other activities where both sets of parents will be.

I don't think the other parents or my daughter-in-law are aware of his dislike. This leaves me feeling extremely sad and not knowing what to do. I feel this is his problem and not mine. I have no issues with the other parents. I feel I should be able to attend my grandson's activities without him. There are times when we visit our son and his family alone, so that works out well.

Neither our son nor our daughter-in-law knows how he feels, and I can't say anything for fear that it will cause hurt feelings, especially for my daughter-in-law, whom I love very much. Please advise. -- MOM IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR MOM: Relationships can be complicated. Not all families meld easily. It's regrettable, but it's also a fact. While it would be nice if your husband would be willing to make an effort to control his distaste so he could be included in more get-togethers, he has made it clear that he isn't. Continue visiting with your son, DIL and in-laws when the opportunity arises. Let your husband "have other plans, be busy," etc. If your son or DIL asks why your husband is absent so often, tell them to ask him.

life

Male Victim of Abuse Breaks Free From Lies

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 6th, 2023 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a male reader who was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for a number of years. I believed, as I was told repeatedly, that there was no hope of freeing myself and that I was stuck in that situation for the rest of my life.

I am here today to say THIS IS NOT TRUE. It was just another manipulative lie from my abuser. I broke free, made a new life for myself and I am happy! I'm back in touch with old friends and family I hadn't been allowed to contact. I now have a healthy, nurturing relationship.

Please, Abby, tell your readers if they are experiencing abuse and feel stuck, to believe in themselves. They can have their lives back. They should reach out and not feel embarrassed. They can make this happen. Please pass along my message. -- FREE AT LAST

DEAR FREE: Congratulations on reclaiming your life. As your letter illustrates, partner abuse can happen regardless of gender. Although the focus is usually on women, abuse also happens to men, straight and gay. The abuse can be physical, emotional or both.

An organization I have mentioned in this column before is Stop Abuse For Everyone (SAFE). It's a support resource for abused individuals, regardless of age, race, gender or sexual orientation. Readers, to learn more about SAFE, visit stopabuseforeveryone.org.

life

Friend's Struggle With Diabetes Causes Concern

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 5th, 2023 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, who is 54, has had Type 1 diabetes since she was 9. She takes two insulin shots a day -- one in the morning and one in the evening. We live together, and at night her blood sugar drops pretty low. I can tell when it's happening because she becomes unresponsive. Twice she has had seizures that resulted in 911 calls.

I have begged her to please try adjusting her insulin dosage so it doesn't happen again, and she says she will, but it's still happening. I don't want to act like I know more about her condition than she does because I don't. When it happens, it's really scary, and I am worried she will die. I've told her this, but she keeps doing the same thing. What can I do? -- CARING FRIEND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FRIEND: You are a wonderful friend, and your concerns about your best friend's health are understandable. I ran your letter by Dr. Robert Gabbay, the chief science and medical officer of the American Diabetes Association, who had a lot to say. I found it educational, and I hope you and other readers will agree:

"Abby, people who have had diabetes for many years sometimes lose their ability to tell when their blood sugars are low. There are a number of ways to deal with the situation, but the most important for her friend is to talk to her health-care provider.

"Things can be done to help her. One of them would be to equip her with a glucose monitor, which measures blood sugar continuously and warns when blood sugar is starting to get low so that she (or you, if you are there) can administer fast-acting carbohydrates.

"Another is a medication called glucagon. It is administered by injection and quickly raises someone's blood sugar when it drops and the person is unable to respond. This is something the friend or a family member can be taught to use. It is commonly used by someone other than the person with diabetes because it is supposed to be administered when the individual is unconscious.

"Finally, it is extremely important for the person with diabetes to understand why her blood sugars are dropping and what changes in insulin dosage are necessary! The key is that she speak about this with her health-care provider."

life

Uninvited Father Would Be an Unwelcome Guest

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 5th, 2023 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I recently moved away from my home state and across the country. In a text to my mother, I suggested she come to visit me and stay in my place. A few days later, in a family group text, my father mentioned he is looking forward to visiting.

While I am polite to my father for my mother's sake, I do not want him visiting me or staying in my house. The invitation was strictly for her. How can I tell my mother this without upsetting them? I would really like for her to visit, but I am simply not comfortable seeing my father. -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN THE EAST

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Is your mother aware of your feelings about your father? If she isn't, tell her how you feel and why. If she's aware, then she was wrong not to let him know the invitation was for her only. Pick up a phone, call her and make clear to her you do not want him to accompany her.

life

Woman Struggles To Connect With Late Brother's Widow

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 4th, 2023 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a 61-year-old never-married woman with no kids. Most of my life was spent caring for my aging parents, working on my education (I have a master's degree) and saving for my future. I am financially stable. I own my house free and clear, own my car and have very little credit card debt. I have a good job I enjoy, a circle of friends and many activities. I took care of my parents because it was the right thing to do, and I was prepared for their deaths when their time came.

My brother (my only sibling) died unexpectedly one year to the day after my mother's passing. It was a terrible shock, and it has taken me the last two years to come to terms with his loss. My issue is with my brother's widow. We have never been close. There's no animosity, nor have there ever been any harsh words, but we never bonded.

My niece and I get along beautifully but, no matter how much I try, I can't seem to break through to my sister-in-law. She is very dismissive of my grief. She never calls and never asks about my life. She never visits or reaches out in any way. She's responsive and kind when I do, but the communications are one-sided.

I honestly wouldn't miss her if I didn't see her, but my loyalty to my brother and my desire to keep my niece out of the middle has kept me from distancing too much. Now that my parents and brother are gone, there are things I would like to pursue on my own. How much do I owe to her? -- FUTURE-THINKING IN TENNESSEE

DEAR FUTURE-THINKING: Your brother's widow may have been dealing with her own grief over the loss of her spouse and unable to handle yours. Be cordial to her, as she is to you, but go on with your life and relationships. Remember her on special occasions with a call, a card or an invitation. If you and your niece have a closer bond, those things should come naturally.

You have handled the responsibilities life handed you with grace and generosity. It is now time for you to enjoy your own life and worry less about the lives of others.

life

Girlfriend Tires of Playing Second Fiddle

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | March 4th, 2023 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I recently left my boyfriend. He said he loved me, but I felt like a third wheel in our relationship. He had a female friend he was constantly borrowing money from, even though we both work. He also gave her relationship advice. They would bicker back and forth like 2-year-olds, and when we went places, they made me ride in the back while they were having a conversation I was never part of. He also cut me off every time I talked. When I asked him why, he said I talked about dumb things. Was I wrong for walking away? -- BAILING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BAILING: Wrong? NO! The man had no respect for your feelings or for you. For all of the reasons you mentioned, you are much better off without him. I'm glad you finally summoned up enough self-esteem to end things with the two of them. To paraphrase the late Princess Diana, there were three people in your relationship.

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