DEAR ABBY: I live with my longtime boyfriend, "George," and his 88-year-old father, "Frank." Frank is not your average 88-year-old. He does almost everything anyone in their 60s would do. However, he's used to us having dinner for him at the same time every night because he's very regimented about everything.

Frank gets everything taken care of and never has to worry about a thing. He pretty much keeps to himself. We have a coffee machine that's easy to use, but Frank expects to have his coffee at a specific time as well. He refuses to even try to make it himself, which means we can't sleep in even if we want to (we are retired).

I hate that Frank lives with us because it has caused a lot of problems between George and me. I feel trapped. If I have a disagreement with Frank, George takes his father's side, even when he's wrong.

We cannot financially have Frank in his own place, either. I own a third of our house (no mortgage). All three of us depend on our Social Security for household expenses, and Frank pays the insurance on the cars. I just feel that as much as I do for them, I should get some backup. Please let me know your thoughts. -- FEELING USED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FEELING USED: If you haven't told George how trapped and unhappy you feel, you should. If you are the maid, cook and laundress, perhaps it's time he assumed responsibility for his father. Suggest he invest in an automatic coffeemaker that can be set for a specific time the night before Frank's morning coffee is expected. That way you can sleep in if you wish.

From your letter, it's clear to me your problems with the men in your life go beyond coffee duty. If you are truly unhappy with this arrangement (which, predictably, won't last forever), consider consulting an attorney or a financial adviser about how to access the money you have invested in that house so you can live independently.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I had an excellent relationship that involved a lot of partying. After I was injured on the job, I became addicted to painkillers, which resulted in a 20-year battle with addiction. Over the years of trying unsuccessfully to get sober, I asked my wife to slow down her drinking to help me get sober. She refused and, ultimately, our marriage fell apart.

We decided to stay together until our kids were out of school and, wouldn't you know, no sooner did we separate than I was able to get sober. I know it wasn't her fault I was addicted. I think I'm probably better off getting divorced, but I still love her, and I'm curious if you think we should end it or give it another try. -- SOBER GUY IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR SOBER GUY: To drink or not to drink is a choice. If your wife was unwilling to sacrifice imbibing in order to help you overcome your addiction, you were right to separate from her. Congratulations on your sobriety. If you wish to maintain it, follow through with that divorce. You have my sympathy. I hope you find someone more supportive in years to come.

DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law and his fiancee, "Shana," have been dating for five years. They have a beautiful son and have a date set for their wedding. I have been with my husband for four years, and married for about a year. We did not have a grand wedding celebration, just a simple city-hall ceremony accompanied by a dinner with immediate family. However, Shana is having the opposite.

She has invited my husband to be part of the wedding, but not me. I'm very disappointed because I thought we got along rather well and I considered us friends. Aren't the brother and sister-in-law supposed to walk down the aisle together in the wedding ceremony? That's how I have seen other couples do it. My husband also finds it strange that Shana wouldn't ask me to be a part of the wedding. After all, I've been part of the family long enough. What do you think? -- OVERTHINKING IN NEW YORK

DEAR OVERTHINKING: Your husband will walk down the aisle to his brother because he is part of the wedding party. No rule of etiquette decrees that because you are a sister-in-law, you must be a part of the ceremony. If you had a simple wedding for financial reasons, you can always renew your vows in a grand fashion. Please don't blame your soon-to-be sister-in-law for not making you a bridesmaid. Ask her if there's any task you could perform -- a reading, perhaps -- to be involved and useful.

DEAR ABBY: I work with my husband in retail merchandising. A woman on our team is a few years younger than I am and very touchy-feely with my husband. She whispers in his ear and stands very close to him. My husband says that may be just the way she is. I told him he is wrong because she doesn't do it when her boyfriend is around and she doesn't do it to anyone else. How should I handle this? -- UPSET IN FLORIDA

DEAR UPSET: Tell your teammate that from where you stand, it looks like she is hitting on your husband, and you don't like it. Then, tell her that if she doesn't stop, you will report it to the team leader or your boss.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter pledged not to have children until her mate proposed and they were married. Now, past the age of 30, she worries her biological clock will run out. Her mate says he's ready for children, but still hasn't popped the question, although they talk of marriage. It has been 10 years. What's a girl to do? -- BAFFLED MAMA IN OHIO

DEAR BAFFLED MAMA: As you and your daughter should have realized, talk of marriage can go on for decades and beyond. If her mate wanted to be married, the two of them would be. In this case, a 30-something "girl" who wants to be a mother after marriage should pop the question herself. And if his answer is no, she should move on so she can find a willing husband.

DEAR ABBY: I am a man who has been wearing lingerie for the past few decades. I discovered my love of panties when I slipped into my first pair at 17. At 22, I discovered the fun and sexiness of bras and other lingerie, and I wear them under my men's clothing.

I have gone through periods of love and alternating shame for being an "underdresser." I have confided this to a few women in my life and received mixed responses. Some were appalled; others were OK with it. My wife is in the first category. I told her while we were dating and modeled some for her. She thought it was "weird."

I tried, for her sake, to repress my desire to wear lingerie, but it has returned recently. I have been buying panties, bras and other items and wear them only at work or when I'm alone. I have found some solace in finally opening up to the women at the lingerie stores that what I am buying is for me, and I delight in the fact that they are accepting and help me find items I might like.

How do I approach this subject with my wife again and ask if she's open to me wearing lingerie and more often? -- LIVING IN LINGERIE

DEAR LIVING: You have already discussed this with your wife, and she has made her feelings known. Do not expect her to have become more understanding on the subject of "underdressing." You are not the only straight man who finds this practice to be pleasurable. Because this is something you really feel compelled to do, go online to research groups for cross-dressers in your area and join one.

DEAR ABBY: I am in love with my best friend, "Mitch." He's a father of three great girls. He works hard but can't handle his finances. His brother has to do it for him or nothing would get paid and his daughters wouldn't get what they need. Mitch has ADHD. He can't settle down.

We tried dating, but he cheated on me. We didn't talk for months, and then started talking again and things are good, even in the bedroom. But some days, he clams up and won't talk to me at all. Then, when he wants something, he will call me. Mitch wanted a 55-inch TV, so I got it for him. Then he wanted the new Xbox which, again, I bought. He makes twice as much as I do. Last week, he took off to see a girl and lied to me about it, saying he was "working out of town."

Mitch is coming home this weekend and wants to see me. I know what he wants -- sex. Yes, the sex is great, but I think he is using me. He's 38; I'm 43. When we are together, we are good, but then he turns cold and doesn't talk to me for days. What do you think? -- USED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR USED: Please reread your letter a few times. If you continue to see Mitch, hoping he will change, you are lost in a fantasy. The person you describe is dishonest, and he's using and milking you for everything he can get. Once you shut your wallet and cross your legs, he will disappear. Count on that. Please, for your own sake, make it soon.