DEAR ABBY: I divorced my husband of 12 years. We were together for 16. We had a 4-year-old at the time we separated. To avoid possible loss of the 401(k) or to have to pay him alimony, I didn't ask him for child support. I knew he wasn't able to afford it at the time. He has since gotten a good job but hasn't offered to financially support his daughter. My new fiance has no respect for him because of this.

I have let it go to keep the peace so we can co-parent and my now-9-year-old daughter won't have to see what is going on. This is becoming a problem on holidays because we've always celebrated with her together. She has grown to love that we do this for her. However, my fiance doesn't want to be a part of those special moments. He doesn't think my daughter would mind, and he doesn't want to risk losing his cool in front of her.

This is putting a strain on our relationship. Is it wrong of me to want him to fake it so we can all get along? Or is he wrong to make other plans to avoid these situations? -- FOR HER SAKE IN GEORGIA

DEAR FOR HER SAKE: Because your ex-husband's employment circumstances have improved since the divorce, have a calm, adult conversation with him. Many exes would not have been as understanding as you have been. Because he can now afford it, he should share in the cost of raising his daughter. If you can reach an agreement, have an attorney draw up a document in writing. However, if he isn't willing to step up, contact a lawyer who specializes in family law to discuss what your next steps should be.

Also, with your new engagement, your personal circumstances have changed. Your fiance should not be compelled to interact with your ex if it makes him uncomfortable.

DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away a year ago from a long ordeal with Alzheimer's. Before he died, I invited my soon-to-be retired sister to come live with me. We had been close throughout our lives, and I thought it would be good for both of us.

My problem is, I have casually dated several men since my husband's death. I have welcomed the companionship and the affection I had been missing long before my husband passed. My sister, who is somewhat reclusive, has expressed that I shouldn't be doing this and has gone so far as to say that she doesn't want to live in a "whore house." She also makes derogatory comments about any gentleman I have introduced her to.

I think that, at my age, I should be able to do what I wish in my own home. But because of how she reacts, I no longer have any gentlemen or women friends over because all she does is denigrate all of them. I'm tired of walking on eggshells around her. Are there any options other than asking her to move? -- LIVING AS I WANT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR LIVING: No, there aren't. Your sister should not be ruling your social life. The sooner you help her find another place to live, the healthier it will be for both of you. Start now.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for six years, married for four. We have had a lot of marriage issues during the last few years, sexually and otherwise. I no longer trust him because of something I found out last year.

I have his email information, and I also was able to see the search history from his phone on the computer. I discovered that he watches a lot of porn. I don't think it's a big deal because I know many men and women do. But I saw he was also watching gay porn and searching for pictures of well-endowed guys. Does this mean my husband is gay and likes men? Or does it just mean he likes different sexual things?

I'm not sure what to do. I don't know if I should approach the subject with him. I don't want him to know I'm snooping around, so how do I ask him about it without telling him how I know? Or should I just let it go? -- KNOWS TOO MUCH IN TEXAS

DEAR KNOWS: Your husband may be bisexual, gay or bi-curious. You wouldn't have checked his phone history if you hadn't felt "something" was wrong. Do not let it go. You will never know the truth unless you ask for it. This does not necessarily have to be a marriage-breaker. However, in case your husband has wandered (off the screen), call your doctor and ask to be tested for STDs.

DEAR ABBY: My mother puts pictures of me on Facebook, usually old ones, and invariably says, "Look how skinny you were!" I'm 60 now, and I don't look skinny anymore. Her comments bother me greatly. Recently, my daughters-in-law said something to her on Facebook about commenting on my weight and how they don't see me as overweight but as a whole and wonderful person.

Now, my mother is angry. She says her feelings are hurt because she thought she was "paying me a compliment." I can't make her understand that you just don't make comments on people's weight, especially on social media. It is unkind. How do I get through to her? -- WEIGHTY ISSUE

DEAR WEIGHTY ISSUE: If you think trying to reason with someone as insensitive as your mother will work, forget it. You can get through to her by telling her in plain English that her backhanded "compliment" hurt YOU, and you don't want it repeated in public OR in private, and if she does it again, you and your family will block her on social media -- if not from your lives. You deserve an apology. You do not owe her one.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is 59. He is on long-term disability because he has been suffering from a major depression for more than a year. He has asked me not to tell our acquaintances or my co-workers about his health issues. My question is, how should I respond when people ask me what my husband does? I don't like to say he's retired because that is not the case. -- QUESTIONED IN QUEBEC, CANADA

DEAR QUESTIONED: If you are asked, tell the questioners that your husband is semi-retired. It's the truth, and no one knows how long it will be until he is again fully employed.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in mourning for my husband. He's still alive, but he up and left six months ago and sent me a text saying he's done. He is living with another woman. I didn't see it coming. We were planning our retirement move up to our cabin. One weekend he kicked me out of the cabin, and three hours later had her join him there.

I feel so lost. At this point, I don't want him back because I feel he has committed the ultimate betrayal. I have started counseling because I'm so confused, grieving and upset. My counselor seems to think he is leaving the door open to one day return. He still comes once a month to pay the bills. However, when he does, he doesn't want me there. He texts to make sure I will be gone for a few hours, so I leave.

I miss him, but I can't get beyond the pain and betrayal. He has lost a ton of weight and looks terrible. He has aged so much. He's 66, clinically depressed and an alcoholic. He's also a narcissist. He would never admit he did something wrong; it was always "my fault." I never knew what I would be facing after work.

I'm still in the house and slowly packing up his clutter that I was never allowed to touch. (He is a hoarder.) I'm lonely, but I'm enjoying my peace. We don't communicate at all. My question is, do you think he is going to come walking back in like nothing happened? -- ABANDONED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ABANDONED: I hope not! And if he did show up, why on Earth would you want him back? (Frankly, I am surprised that your therapist would suggest you would open the door to him.) You are free. Consult an attorney, clear out the physical and emotional debris in your life and enjoy it.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are preparing to move south because we're tired of cold weather. The biggest issue is my cat, "Buster." He isn't a kitten anymore; he is 9. Buster's in good health, but we are being advised not to take him from the apartment we share with my dad due to Buster's age. My father is a mediocre caretaker at best. Half the time he doesn't clean the litter box or even take out the garbage. I'm convinced Buster would end up being neglected. I have been accused of planning to steal him.

Yesterday, I found out Dad tested positive for COVID and didn't tell anyone until we were in the apartment, too. He put us all at risk. This kind of carelessness scares me about leaving Buster with him. Should I take him with us, or heed the advice about not stressing an older pet and leave him with dad? I will be heartbroken if I can't take him. -- SAD, STRESSED CAT MOM

DEAR SAD: If the advice about "stressing an older cat" came from a veterinarian, it merits consideration. If it didn't, then have no qualms about taking Buster with you when you make the move. It would be better to do that than to leave him in an environment where you would worry that he's being neglected.