DEAR ABBY: I am an 80-year-old senior man who has met, texted daily and called an 80-year-old woman for the last six weeks. We both look and think young for our ages as well. We plan to have our first date on a Valentine's Day theme. It's awkward not knowing what to do when we have our first date. She says "friends first," and I agree, but we are highly compatible based on our communications.

Because our first date will be on Valentine's Day, she said she wants to see if there is chemistry. I'm conflicted about whether to give her a flower or flowers. Would it be appropriate to have a single long-stemmed rose in my car and, if she's interested in a second date or we both feel chemistry, use "The Bachelor" TV show idea of asking her if she will accept the rose for a second date? I know it may sound cliche, but I'm reluctant to take the rose to the table. Yes, some of us seniors want to be romantic, but we are still concerned about what's acceptable in today's dating world. -- UNCLEAR IN THE SOUTH

DEAR UNCLEAR: I love your letter and I like your style. When you go to the table, have a small box of chocolates to present to your lady friend. The idea of keeping a long-stemmed rose concealed in your car is charming, as long as you keep the stem in water so it won't wilt while you're having dinner, which would be very unromantic. Please let me know how the date goes. I wish you luck.

DEAR ABBY: My son's bar mitzvah was two months ago. We had 125 guests. My son received a gift from everyone except my boss, "Hal." I have known Hal most of my life. He used to work with my grandfather, and he's like a family member.

Hal is extremely generous and would certainly have given my son a gift, so I know this is simply an oversight on his part. There's also a slight chance we lost his gift amidst the chaos of the event. Should I gently mention this to him or just let it go? -- PROUD PAPA IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR PAPA: If it were me -- and my child had received gifts from 124 guests at his bar mitzvah -- I would be inclined to let it go. However, if you feel you must pursue this, approach it by telling Hal you are embarrassed but some of your son's gift cards got mixed up "in the chaos." Add that he needs to write thank-you notes, so what should Hal be thanked for?

DEAR ABBY: I live with my two older sisters. One is 18, and the other is 17. We go to dance parties on Saturday nights. My sisters want to dance up on the stage, but they just wibble-wobble all over the place. They're not good at it at all. Should I just pretend I don't know them, or what? I don't want to embarrass or insult them. -- BETTER DANCER IN OHIO

DEAR DANCER: It should not embarrass or insult them if you offer to show them some "different" dance moves. In fact, it would be doing them a favor. However, if they refuse, then drop the matter and refrain from criticizing them for their performance because nobody wants a bad review. Trust me on that.

DEAR READERS: On this day that celebrates love, I want to express how much I cherish the relationship I have with you. Wishing all of you a Happy Valentine's Day. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: Whenever my husband, kids and I go away, my mother-in-law insists on staying at our house. She then rearranges the rooms in my house, moving things to where she thinks they should be. She also manages to leave behind her toiletries in the bathroom.

More than once she has thrown a party for her friends during our absence. It drives me crazy. Going on vacation stresses me out because I have no idea what I'm going to come home to. When my husband tells her I don't like when she rearranges things, she gets defensive and cries about how she "can't understand why I hate her." I don't hate her; I just wish she would respect my boundaries in my house. Advice? -- INVADED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR INVADED: I'm glad to provide some. The next time your MIL insists on housesitting while you are on holiday, say you have made other arrangements and do not waver. (If necessary, change the locks.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband had a stroke five years ago. I've been taking care of him ever since. I recently found out that he cheated on me. I want to get him into a VA home. What form would I need? I'm hoping to avoid a messy divorce. I'm fine if we stay married but no longer live together. He accuses me of "not doing anything." Our house is paid for and we have no debts. Our daughters are grown and live elsewhere. Should I contact an attorney? -- WANTS OUT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WANTS OUT: By all means, contact an attorney. You have a responsibility for your husband's welfare. Abandoning him to a VA home may not be the best solution for him, even though it may seem like a convenient one for you. Do nothing in anger. Before making any plans, you might want to discuss this with your daughters, who may be able to suggest alternative solutions to the one you are considering, such as hiring a part-time caregiver for your husband.

DEAR ABBY: Long ago, my parents purchased a large burial plot for our entire family, including spouses if we have them. My spouse isn't eligible because he doesn't fit the cemetery's religious requirement. My parents and I also don't see eye to eye on politics.

Our relationship has greatly diminished over the last few years -- so much so that I no longer want to spend eternity next to them when my time comes. Part of me says let it be, but they seem to relish the idea that we will "all be together," when in reality, I do not. I'd like to be cremated, which also goes against religious beliefs. Thoughts? -- BAD SON IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SON: I think it's your body, your choice. Because most parents die before their children, the odds of your folks being buried before you are great. In the meantime, since their fantasy of one big happy family plot is something they relish, be kind and don't ruin it for them.

DEAR ABBY: After my mother died several years ago, my father's sometimes violent behavior flared up. A few years ago, I decided to stop spending time with him. My sister, who has received -- and may continue to receive -- significant financial support from Dad, is scolding me for it. I have asked her to respect my choice and to stop criticizing, but she continues to contact me, asks to see me, accuses me of "punishing" her and my father over "nothing," and makes vague apologies for him without referencing specific behavior.

My dilemma is whether I should continue trying to get through to her. I'd like to see her children, but I'm unsure whether she will respect my boundaries if I see her in person. Her continued haranguing is stressful. I'm tired of being labeled a punishing, overly sensitive shrew for attempting to set boundaries with my father. However, I'm loath to cut off all contact with her, given that I'm not seeing my dad. Is there a middle ground? Or am I wasting my time by trying to get through to someone who doesn't want to hear me? -- FAMILY TROUBLE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FAMILY TROUBLE: Tell your sister you love her and would very much enjoy seeing her and her children with one proviso: You do not wish to discuss your fractured relationship with your father. Ask if she can respect your wishes, and make clear that if it would be too difficult for her, you will understand and not visit. You do not have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, and you should not allow yourself to be forced into contact with an abuser.

DEAR ABBY: My mother has just informed me that she expects me to send her and her new husband anniversary cards every year, and her husband Father's Day cards. I was 51 when Mama remarried, three years after my father's passing. I send her husband a birthday card and text him on Father's Day, but I feel disingenuous sending them/him anniversary or Father's Day cards. Her husband is not my father. He has his own adult children.

Incidentally, Mama and her husband do not send me Mother's Day cards. I do not want her husband to think I consider him my father. I would feel disloyal to my father if I were to do what she's demanding. Is my mother's expectation reasonable? Should I send cards just because she wants me to? -- GRACIOUS ENOUGH

DEAR GRACIOUS: Send your mother and her new husband an anniversary card, as you would any friend or relative you wish to congratulate. That she would expect you to treat her new husband, a "new addition" to your family, as a father figure is ridiculous. Why are you texting him on Father's Day? He never was and never will be your "father," and I don't think you should be arm-twisted into catering to Mama's fantasy.