DEAR ABBY: After my mother died several years ago, my father's sometimes violent behavior flared up. A few years ago, I decided to stop spending time with him. My sister, who has received -- and may continue to receive -- significant financial support from Dad, is scolding me for it. I have asked her to respect my choice and to stop criticizing, but she continues to contact me, asks to see me, accuses me of "punishing" her and my father over "nothing," and makes vague apologies for him without referencing specific behavior.

My dilemma is whether I should continue trying to get through to her. I'd like to see her children, but I'm unsure whether she will respect my boundaries if I see her in person. Her continued haranguing is stressful. I'm tired of being labeled a punishing, overly sensitive shrew for attempting to set boundaries with my father. However, I'm loath to cut off all contact with her, given that I'm not seeing my dad. Is there a middle ground? Or am I wasting my time by trying to get through to someone who doesn't want to hear me? -- FAMILY TROUBLE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FAMILY TROUBLE: Tell your sister you love her and would very much enjoy seeing her and her children with one proviso: You do not wish to discuss your fractured relationship with your father. Ask if she can respect your wishes, and make clear that if it would be too difficult for her, you will understand and not visit. You do not have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, and you should not allow yourself to be forced into contact with an abuser.

DEAR ABBY: My mother has just informed me that she expects me to send her and her new husband anniversary cards every year, and her husband Father's Day cards. I was 51 when Mama remarried, three years after my father's passing. I send her husband a birthday card and text him on Father's Day, but I feel disingenuous sending them/him anniversary or Father's Day cards. Her husband is not my father. He has his own adult children.

Incidentally, Mama and her husband do not send me Mother's Day cards. I do not want her husband to think I consider him my father. I would feel disloyal to my father if I were to do what she's demanding. Is my mother's expectation reasonable? Should I send cards just because she wants me to? -- GRACIOUS ENOUGH

DEAR GRACIOUS: Send your mother and her new husband an anniversary card, as you would any friend or relative you wish to congratulate. That she would expect you to treat her new husband, a "new addition" to your family, as a father figure is ridiculous. Why are you texting him on Father's Day? He never was and never will be your "father," and I don't think you should be arm-twisted into catering to Mama's fantasy.

DEAR ABBY: My 44-year-old son is a long-haul driver. His girlfriend has 14-year-old and 17-year-old daughters, who are both high-functioning autistic. My son thinks they should have chores because they need to learn to live independently. This is the biggest argument they have.

He says that they should be on the internet for only four hours per day, and that once they graduate, they will have to be on their own. They do nothing around the house -- they don't clean their room or pick up after themselves. My son has told his girlfriend that if they don't learn how to do it now, they won't know once they move out.

His girlfriend tells him he is right when he says, "You need to find another place to live." But she goes right back to doing nothing to help her girls learn to become independent. She receives child support for the girls and works part time. She doesn't think she should help pay for things "because he makes good money." But these girls are not his. They agreed when she moved in that she would pay half the expenses. What do you think of this situation? -- DISGUSTED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR DISGUSTED: Your son's girlfriend promised before she moved in that she would pay half the expenses. She has reneged on her promise, and your son has allowed it. This woman is not only irresponsible, she's a terrible parent by fostering her daughters' dependence. When the girls turn 18 nothing will change, and he should expect to support the three of them until he finally has had enough of this arrangement. If you have shared your feelings with him and he has chosen to tolerate the status quo, then quit wasting your breath. It is his life and his choice.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 40-year-old wife and mother, married for 23 years. I have never been unfaithful. I never even thought of another man until a few months ago. Then, boom! It happened. I have fallen in love with my boss, "Tony." He is four years younger than my husband, and he's married. When I told him how I feel, at first he was shocked and not very interested. Now he's had time to think about it, and he's starting to show some interest.

I am afraid of what may happen if he asks me out. What should I do? Should I go out with him? Is it possible to love one man and also be in love with another? I'm so crazy about Tony that it hurts. I think about him all the time and even dream about him. (I have been known to talk in my sleep.) When I'm making love to my husband, Tony's on my mind. Please tell me what to do. -- MISERABLY IN LOVE IN MISSOURI

DEAR MISERABLY IN LOVE: Gladly! Lady, you are playing with fire. Recognize that if you follow through with starting an affair with your boss, it's likely to end up hurting four people, including you. The odds are that your marriage will be history, and Tony could be in for a very expensive divorce.

Whether you continue for years as Tony's side piece, or he figures out that a dalliance with an employee is too dangerous, the person most likely to lose out, emotionally and financially, is you. If you are unable to regain your emotional balance, quit your job. If you are lucky, Tony may give you a good reference.

DEAR ABBY: I had pretty much an ideal childhood. My parents have never had issues that I ever saw. We went to church every Sunday, gathered with family often, etc. I'm now grown, and my parents are in their mid-80s.

Out of the blue, I got a message on social media from a woman who says she's my father's daughter from when he was 17 years old, before he met my mom. She found out through DNA testing. She is very nice about whether I tell my parents about her. Their health is beginning to deteriorate, and I don't want to stress them more than they can handle. At the same time, I don't know if it is right for me to withhold this information from my dad. I feel so alone in making this choice, so please give me any advice. -- SECRET-HOLDER IN GEORGIA

DEAR SECRET-HOLDER: Your father may be unaware that he fathered a child at 17. (Back then, an out-of-wedlock pregnancy was sometimes kept secret and the baby placed for adoption.) He should be given the information privately so he can decide if he would like to meet his daughter and whether, at this late date, your mother needs to know.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I began dating 2 1/2 years ago. We are in our late 50s. We moved in together four months ago and took out an equity loan for improvements on the house. Until we moved in, we were planning our future together, traveling and having fun. Once we moved in, however, everything changed.

Two months later, she came to me saying "something is not right." She says she loves me, she's attracted to me and doesn't want me to leave. She says I treat her like she's never been treated before, and I'm so good to her (her words). But I feel like I have been put into the friend zone. This usually happens after a couple of dates, not years. It's tearing her up because she doesn't want to feel this way, and it has me stumped about how to handle it. Is it cold feet? -- BAD CHANGE IN NEW YORK

DEAR BAD CHANGE: I don't know, you don't know and it is possible that she can't identify what's "wrong" either. Do not procrastinate. Get a referral to a licensed marriage and family therapist for pre-marital counseling. If the two of you do this, whatever is bothering her will be revealed. If she refuses to go, seek counseling without her. (I hope there is no prepayment penalty on that loan.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a friendly person who can get along with most everyone. I am petite in height -- 4-foot-8, to be exact. Recently, while my husband and I were at a social gathering, one of the male guests approached me and commented, "Who let a child in here?" I was not only hurt, but also offended at his rudeness. My husband is much taller than I am, and he has never mistaken me for a child. I'm tired of being judged for my height. Any thoughts? -- TINY BUT A TRUE ADULT

DEAR TINY: Was the guest who said it drunk? I can't otherwise account for his egregious breach of etiquette in making a comment about the appearance of another guest at the gathering. I hope you ignore his tasteless comment. (What a nitwit.)