DEAR ABBY: I am a 55-year-old woman who had a few good jobs earlier in my career, which enabled me to buy a lovely townhouse in New England. I now work as a consultant, and I no longer earn the same kind of money I did back then. My problem: About 20 years ago, my parents borrowed money from me to fix their home so they could sell it. After it sold, not only did they not pay me back, but they moved in with me. It was supposed to be temporary, but they have been staying here rent-free for the last five years. In addition to my frustration with my parents, my sister (who is in her 40s) was living down south with her boyfriend when their relationship imploded. So she moved back to New England and moved in with us. She is not paying rent either and brought her two dogs with her. I am at my wits' end. Please give me some advice. -- GOING BONKERS IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR GOING BONKERS: You have been patient and tolerant for far too long. You have been a pushover. Contact an attorney for help, because you may have to evict these relatives. Grow a backbone and TELL your parents you want them not only to move but to take your sister and her dogs with them. I sincerely hope you have something in writing memorializing the loan you gave your folks because, if you don’t, you probably will not see that money again. (Sorry.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 37 years passed away four months ago. When we were first married, we were happy, but his drinking increased and he turned into a miserable, mean drunk. When I decided I'd finally had enough, he got sick and could no longer work, and I felt obligated to take care of him. More than a decade of my life was spent looking after him, for which he rarely, if ever, expressed appreciation.

One month after his funeral, I was contacted out of the blue by my high school sweetheart. I was reluctant to respond at first, but I decided it couldn't hurt to meet him and enjoy dinner and conversation. The attraction was immediate. It felt like we were back in high school. It has been three months now, and we are ready to take our relationship to the next level. He makes me feel better than I have ever felt in my life. My children know how miserable I was for decades in my marriage, but I'm still concerned about how they'll feel about me seriously dating so soon after becoming a widow. -- LONGING FOR LOVE IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR LONGING: If you explain to your adult children that you and your friend from long ago have reconnected, they shouldn't react badly to the news. However, a word of caution: This is still a budding relationship. If by "taking the relationship to the next level" you mean becoming intimate, you are an adult long past the age of consent. However, if it means dashing off to marry this person, take more time before making a formal commitment. Doing that will enable you to observe how he reacts in a variety of situations -- including whether you agree about issues you feel are important, as well as how he reacts when he's frustrated or angry.

DEAR ABBY: I don't know what to do about my 18-year-old niece. She walks around the house in her underwear. She's been doing it for the last two or three years. It wouldn't matter, I suppose, if it were just in front of immediate family living there, but she also does it in front of workmen, the cleaning women, answering the door, going out to get the mail, etc. I'm really disgusted. I spoke to my brother (her father) briefly about it. His response was, "She lives here." Is there anything I can do or say to get her to keep herself a little better covered? -- MODEST IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MODEST: Yes, there is. If her family doesn't object to her walking around the house in her underwear, that's their prerogative. But "someone" should remind your niece that doing it in front of workmen, household staff and the mail carrier is disrespectful to them. How their neighbors feel about it is anyone's guess, but if she's built like Jennifer Lopez or one of the Kardashians, they may be enjoying the view.

DEAR ABBY: My friend is always sending me pics of food and beverages he thinks look appetizing. The problem is, the cut of steak he usually eats is cheap and unhealthy-looking. I try to tell him that better-quality meat often has less fat and cholesterol, but he tunes me out. He drinks a lot of wine, too, and I don't think that's good either. I'm trying to help him because I am concerned about his health. He is 56 and has gained a lot of weight. How can I keep him from a cardiovascular emergency? -- HEALTHIER EATER

DEAR HEALTHIER: Your friend is an adult. You can't "keep him" from doing anything. Because he isn't open to your helpful suggestions and the photos make you upset, quit looking at them. Accept that when he makes the decision to change his eating and drinking habits, the motivation has to come from within (or from his doctor). You may be able to lead by example and convince him to exercise with you. If you do, be sure to start slowly.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a very small town where everybody knows everything. I own my home and attend a church with a small congregation. When a food pantry opened, I reluctantly began going in to supplement my food budget. The volunteers are all locals, and I know many of them. One woman, who also attends my church, volunteers there as well. This woman has adopted a smirk and a hard stare in my direction when she sees me now. While I work hard at not caring about what people think, this is a tough one. How should I handle her? -- SHAMED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR SHAMED: Handle it by discussing it with whoever has organized and manages that food bank. Also mention it to your pastor. If the church member is behaving as you say she is, she should be told to stop embarrassing you, because it is unchristian and uncalled-for.

DEAR ABBY: My two siblings and I were raised by an abusive, alcoholic father. Predictably, it has adversely affected our mental health adversely. One sibling struggles with alcoholism and substance abuse. The other has a personality disorder and cannot maintain stable relationships. I cope with comparatively fewer severe issues, but I still must work hard to sustain a marriage and my career and raise healthy children. It isn't easy.

My siblings' issues have disrupted my emotional health and family life, which is why I keep them at a distance. Lately, they have expressed feeling abandoned. Other family members call me selfish and say I'm obligated to help them because I'm "the successful one." I do feel some guilt for not helping more, as we all survived the same toxic childhood. Yet, my emotional bandwidth is limited. Frankly, people with alcoholism and personality disorders are hard to be around, even if they are family. Is it selfish to prioritize my well-being by maintaining distance from my siblings? -- THEIR BROTHER

DEAR BROTHER: Your first priority must be your emotional health. Next should be the well-being of your spouse and children and the career that enables you to provide for them. If maintaining some distance from these siblings is selfish, then call it "enlightened" selfishness. Help them to the extent you can, but do not allow yourself to be emotionally arm-twisted by other relatives who remain on the sidelines.

DEAR ABBY: I've lived in my apartment for almost 10 years and had the same downstairs neighbor since I moved in. About three years ago, I began noticing an odor coming from her apartment. It's hard to describe other than the worst body odor imaginable. It's so bad that I can't open my sliding door or windows in the summer because the smell drifts into my home. She is not the type of person I can approach about this no matter how gently I word it. I'm to the point where I feel I should file a complaint with management. It could be a hoarding situation, which could lead to health issues or pests. There are only four units in my building, and I know my other two neighbors would never complain. It would be obvious it was me, which would make for a very uncomfortable living situation. So far, no one else I know has had advice, so I am desperate for any suggestions. -- DISGUSTED IN OREGON

DEAR DISGUSTED: Have you spoken to your other neighbors about this? Have they noticed the odor, too? If any of them tells you yes, then absolutely discuss what has been happening, and for how long, with the building management company. There may, indeed, be health and safety issues involved. (Could she have a dead animal in there?) Please do not remain silent. For everyone's sake, this should be checked out.