DEAR ABBY: I don't know what to do about my 18-year-old niece. She walks around the house in her underwear. She's been doing it for the last two or three years. It wouldn't matter, I suppose, if it were just in front of immediate family living there, but she also does it in front of workmen, the cleaning women, answering the door, going out to get the mail, etc. I'm really disgusted. I spoke to my brother (her father) briefly about it. His response was, "She lives here." Is there anything I can do or say to get her to keep herself a little better covered? -- MODEST IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MODEST: Yes, there is. If her family doesn't object to her walking around the house in her underwear, that's their prerogative. But "someone" should remind your niece that doing it in front of workmen, household staff and the mail carrier is disrespectful to them. How their neighbors feel about it is anyone's guess, but if she's built like Jennifer Lopez or one of the Kardashians, they may be enjoying the view.

DEAR ABBY: My friend is always sending me pics of food and beverages he thinks look appetizing. The problem is, the cut of steak he usually eats is cheap and unhealthy-looking. I try to tell him that better-quality meat often has less fat and cholesterol, but he tunes me out. He drinks a lot of wine, too, and I don't think that's good either. I'm trying to help him because I am concerned about his health. He is 56 and has gained a lot of weight. How can I keep him from a cardiovascular emergency? -- HEALTHIER EATER

DEAR HEALTHIER: Your friend is an adult. You can't "keep him" from doing anything. Because he isn't open to your helpful suggestions and the photos make you upset, quit looking at them. Accept that when he makes the decision to change his eating and drinking habits, the motivation has to come from within (or from his doctor). You may be able to lead by example and convince him to exercise with you. If you do, be sure to start slowly.

DEAR ABBY: I live in a very small town where everybody knows everything. I own my home and attend a church with a small congregation. When a food pantry opened, I reluctantly began going in to supplement my food budget. The volunteers are all locals, and I know many of them. One woman, who also attends my church, volunteers there as well. This woman has adopted a smirk and a hard stare in my direction when she sees me now. While I work hard at not caring about what people think, this is a tough one. How should I handle her? -- SHAMED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR SHAMED: Handle it by discussing it with whoever has organized and manages that food bank. Also mention it to your pastor. If the church member is behaving as you say she is, she should be told to stop embarrassing you, because it is unchristian and uncalled-for.

DEAR ABBY: My two siblings and I were raised by an abusive, alcoholic father. Predictably, it has adversely affected our mental health adversely. One sibling struggles with alcoholism and substance abuse. The other has a personality disorder and cannot maintain stable relationships. I cope with comparatively fewer severe issues, but I still must work hard to sustain a marriage and my career and raise healthy children. It isn't easy.

My siblings' issues have disrupted my emotional health and family life, which is why I keep them at a distance. Lately, they have expressed feeling abandoned. Other family members call me selfish and say I'm obligated to help them because I'm "the successful one." I do feel some guilt for not helping more, as we all survived the same toxic childhood. Yet, my emotional bandwidth is limited. Frankly, people with alcoholism and personality disorders are hard to be around, even if they are family. Is it selfish to prioritize my well-being by maintaining distance from my siblings? -- THEIR BROTHER

DEAR BROTHER: Your first priority must be your emotional health. Next should be the well-being of your spouse and children and the career that enables you to provide for them. If maintaining some distance from these siblings is selfish, then call it "enlightened" selfishness. Help them to the extent you can, but do not allow yourself to be emotionally arm-twisted by other relatives who remain on the sidelines.

DEAR ABBY: I've lived in my apartment for almost 10 years and had the same downstairs neighbor since I moved in. About three years ago, I began noticing an odor coming from her apartment. It's hard to describe other than the worst body odor imaginable. It's so bad that I can't open my sliding door or windows in the summer because the smell drifts into my home. She is not the type of person I can approach about this no matter how gently I word it. I'm to the point where I feel I should file a complaint with management. It could be a hoarding situation, which could lead to health issues or pests. There are only four units in my building, and I know my other two neighbors would never complain. It would be obvious it was me, which would make for a very uncomfortable living situation. So far, no one else I know has had advice, so I am desperate for any suggestions. -- DISGUSTED IN OREGON

DEAR DISGUSTED: Have you spoken to your other neighbors about this? Have they noticed the odor, too? If any of them tells you yes, then absolutely discuss what has been happening, and for how long, with the building management company. There may, indeed, be health and safety issues involved. (Could she have a dead animal in there?) Please do not remain silent. For everyone's sake, this should be checked out.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 32-year-old mom of four (11-month-old twins, a 4-year-old and a 6-year-old). I've been married for six years. I'm a Southern girl, but my husband is an immigrant to this country. When he emigrated, he settled in the North. I have always told him before and during our marriage that I don't like the North. I want to move somewhere down south or at least the middle of the country. We are currently in the process of house-hunting, and he keeps showing me homes in the North, even though he knows I don't want to live here. I understand that he loves our stability here and the friends we've made over the years, but we have so much flexibility with our jobs that we can move to someplace we both love. Recently, he said I could go and live in the South if I want to -- alone. So now I'm wondering, should I break up our family and take him at his word, or keep talking to him about it until I get his OK? -- NEGATIVE ON THE NORTH

DEAR NEGATIVE: Base the decision about where to live less on geography and more on where your children can get the best education and where the cost of living is more affordable. That your husband has informed you (four kids later) that he has no intention of compromising is regrettable. Because you feel so strongly about returning to your roots, you may be able to do it once the children are grown. I do not think it is worth breaking up a marriage over -- unless this is your husband's way of addressing every disagreement.

DEAR ABBY: Almost four years ago, I married a friend I had known since 1989. She was a widow, and we unexpectedly fell in love. The first three years, she spoke constantly about her late husband. I lovingly and quietly told her a few times that I didn't think she'd like it if I mentioned my late wife and former women friends so often. It continued. I can't stand hearing his name anymore. It makes me feel ranked way down in order of importance, after her four kids, her dead husband and herself. Over the last six months or so, she finally got it and no longer mentions him, but I'm still upset knowing I'm number seven on her list. Will I ever be able to get over this? She found a note months ago in which I described my feelings on this, and in it I mentioned I didn't want to be married to her anymore. Any advice would be appreciated. -- UNIMPORTANT IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNIMPORTANT: The woman you married has a lot of history, as I am sure you do. It's not unheard of for someone to mention the name of their departed spouse years later, but your wife was insensitive to continue doing so after you told her it made you uncomfortable. If her relationship with her adult children gets in the way of her relationship with you, it should be discussed during marriage counseling. If you truly feel you are last on her list of priorities, you have to decide if you want to end the marriage or whether, when you wrote that note, you were simply blowing off steam.