DEAR ABBY: I'm a 32-year-old mom of four (11-month-old twins, a 4-year-old and a 6-year-old). I've been married for six years. I'm a Southern girl, but my husband is an immigrant to this country. When he emigrated, he settled in the North. I have always told him before and during our marriage that I don't like the North. I want to move somewhere down south or at least the middle of the country. We are currently in the process of house-hunting, and he keeps showing me homes in the North, even though he knows I don't want to live here. I understand that he loves our stability here and the friends we've made over the years, but we have so much flexibility with our jobs that we can move to someplace we both love. Recently, he said I could go and live in the South if I want to -- alone. So now I'm wondering, should I break up our family and take him at his word, or keep talking to him about it until I get his OK? -- NEGATIVE ON THE NORTH

DEAR NEGATIVE: Base the decision about where to live less on geography and more on where your children can get the best education and where the cost of living is more affordable. That your husband has informed you (four kids later) that he has no intention of compromising is regrettable. Because you feel so strongly about returning to your roots, you may be able to do it once the children are grown. I do not think it is worth breaking up a marriage over -- unless this is your husband's way of addressing every disagreement.

DEAR ABBY: Almost four years ago, I married a friend I had known since 1989. She was a widow, and we unexpectedly fell in love. The first three years, she spoke constantly about her late husband. I lovingly and quietly told her a few times that I didn't think she'd like it if I mentioned my late wife and former women friends so often. It continued. I can't stand hearing his name anymore. It makes me feel ranked way down in order of importance, after her four kids, her dead husband and herself. Over the last six months or so, she finally got it and no longer mentions him, but I'm still upset knowing I'm number seven on her list. Will I ever be able to get over this? She found a note months ago in which I described my feelings on this, and in it I mentioned I didn't want to be married to her anymore. Any advice would be appreciated. -- UNIMPORTANT IN FLORIDA

DEAR UNIMPORTANT: The woman you married has a lot of history, as I am sure you do. It's not unheard of for someone to mention the name of their departed spouse years later, but your wife was insensitive to continue doing so after you told her it made you uncomfortable. If her relationship with her adult children gets in the way of her relationship with you, it should be discussed during marriage counseling. If you truly feel you are last on her list of priorities, you have to decide if you want to end the marriage or whether, when you wrote that note, you were simply blowing off steam.

DEAR ABBY: I am an active widower with five grown children. Although three of them live in the same city and two live in a city nearby, I haven't heard from or seen them as often over the past few years as I would like. I realized recently that I miss their company and I'd like them to call or see me more often.

I understand they have their own lives, but I don't think I'm asking too much. I'd like them to understand that a "pill" won't cure me of loneliness, as they suggest when I tell them I am slowing down. Their answer is to tell me to see a doctor.

I can't talk to them about increasing our visits and communication because I was raised with the idea that you automatically respect your elders and parents shouldn't have to ask their children to visit them or call to ask how they are doing more than every few months. I thought perhaps reading this in your column might remind them not to wait until it is too late. Have you any suggestions on how to encourage my children to involve me more in their lives? -- LONELY IN COLORADO

DEAR LONELY: You don't have a communication problem. Your "children" have gotten the message. Rid yourself of the idea that your children should call you out of obligation. If you want more contact, pick up the phone and call them. Also, you should be socializing with contemporaries. Your problem may be too much time on your hands. If you are able-bodied, fill some of that time by volunteering in your community. It's a terrific way to meet people who may be more than willing to include you in their activities.

DEAR ABBY: I have two younger sisters. The middle one is my best friend (next to my husband). The youngest is a nightmare. She's manipulative and nasty, and nothing is ever good enough for her. She's a cancer survivor and no longer able to live by herself. My middle sister has been bending over backward to help her in significant ways (managing her insurance and finding a nursing home for her to live in), but neither of us will allow her to live with us. She is too destructive, controlling and toxic.

Our sister has now decided the nursing home isn't good enough. She is talking about going to live with a friend in another state. The friend has tentatively agreed. My middle sister and I both believe her friend has no idea what she is letting herself in for, and that her life is going to be taken over by my youngest sister.

I believe the right thing for me to do would be to call the friend and warn her NOT to allow my youngest sister to come live with her, but that seems like a terrible thing to do to my youngest sister. What should I do? -- SISTER DRAMA IN THE WEST

DEAR SISTER DRAMA: What you should do is stay out of it! Your sister has resumed control over her life. Bravo! Whether or not it pans out, the outcome will be her responsibility. If in the coming months her friend rolls up the welcome mat, the alternative for your sister will be the nursing facility. Period.

DEAR ABBY: I have known "Gigi" since second grade. We have stayed in touch through the years, although more sporadically in the last two decades. Until 10 years ago, she would spend a week with us in the summer. She came three different times, and we had fun. We also visited her twice in California. I was married, but without kids then. Shortly after our first child was born, she started dating -- and then living with -- her boyfriend. I'm happy that she's happy with him.

Soon after they began dating, Gigi asked about coming to visit, and I agreed, but said they would need to sleep in separate rooms at my house. She said yes, and I don't think she was surprised because she has known me for so long. However, the plans didn't work out (his schedule, she said) and they didn't come. That was five years ago.

We were recently on the phone, and she asked about coming out. I told her I was glad to meet her boyfriend at last, and we set a date. Neither of us mentioned the sleeping arrangements, but I feel maybe I need to clarify again. I do not judge her, but I have made a decision that in my home I should never have to feel uncomfortable. Their sharing the same room would make me uncomfortable.

During the conversation five years ago, I told Gigi that if sleeping separately made them uncomfortable, we could see each other during the day and they could arrange to stay in a hotel or another friend's home. She hasn't mentioned her plans this time around, but right now it sounds like they intend to stay here. What should I do? -- HOUSE RULES IN UTAH

DEAR RULES: Because Gigi and her boyfriend sharing a bedroom in your house would still make you uncomfortable, call her and explain that although they are welcome, your feelings on the subject of sleeping arrangements haven't changed. This is not a discussion you should have upon their arrival.

DEAR ABBY: What's the best way to decline handshakes? In social settings, I often find myself ready to dine, hands washed and sanitized, only for someone to thrust their hand toward me expecting a handshake. The last thing I want before handling my food is to shake anyone's hand.

In one instance, a man who was hosting the gathering with his wife returned belatedly from a bike ride as we were approaching the dinner table and offered me his sweaty hand. Refusing elicited a dirty look from my partner and an expression of bewilderment on the face of the bicyclist. Please advise. -- KEEPING CLEAN IN THE WEST

DEAR KEEPING CLEAN: If this is of any comfort, you are far from the only person who dislikes shaking hands. Over the years, I have received letters from many others who share your concern. Some are afraid of COVID; others simply dislike the physical contact. (In some cultures, handshaking is never done.) Some individuals avoid it by placing their palms together, leaning forward a bit, smiling and saying something like, "Great to see you!" or, in your case, "So how was that bike ride?" If you don't do this already, keep a small bottle of hand sanitizer on your person to use when you're out of options.