DEAR ABBY: I am an active widower with five grown children. Although three of them live in the same city and two live in a city nearby, I haven't heard from or seen them as often over the past few years as I would like. I realized recently that I miss their company and I'd like them to call or see me more often.

I understand they have their own lives, but I don't think I'm asking too much. I'd like them to understand that a "pill" won't cure me of loneliness, as they suggest when I tell them I am slowing down. Their answer is to tell me to see a doctor.

I can't talk to them about increasing our visits and communication because I was raised with the idea that you automatically respect your elders and parents shouldn't have to ask their children to visit them or call to ask how they are doing more than every few months. I thought perhaps reading this in your column might remind them not to wait until it is too late. Have you any suggestions on how to encourage my children to involve me more in their lives? -- LONELY IN COLORADO

DEAR LONELY: You don't have a communication problem. Your "children" have gotten the message. Rid yourself of the idea that your children should call you out of obligation. If you want more contact, pick up the phone and call them. Also, you should be socializing with contemporaries. Your problem may be too much time on your hands. If you are able-bodied, fill some of that time by volunteering in your community. It's a terrific way to meet people who may be more than willing to include you in their activities.

DEAR ABBY: I have two younger sisters. The middle one is my best friend (next to my husband). The youngest is a nightmare. She's manipulative and nasty, and nothing is ever good enough for her. She's a cancer survivor and no longer able to live by herself. My middle sister has been bending over backward to help her in significant ways (managing her insurance and finding a nursing home for her to live in), but neither of us will allow her to live with us. She is too destructive, controlling and toxic.

Our sister has now decided the nursing home isn't good enough. She is talking about going to live with a friend in another state. The friend has tentatively agreed. My middle sister and I both believe her friend has no idea what she is letting herself in for, and that her life is going to be taken over by my youngest sister.

I believe the right thing for me to do would be to call the friend and warn her NOT to allow my youngest sister to come live with her, but that seems like a terrible thing to do to my youngest sister. What should I do? -- SISTER DRAMA IN THE WEST

DEAR SISTER DRAMA: What you should do is stay out of it! Your sister has resumed control over her life. Bravo! Whether or not it pans out, the outcome will be her responsibility. If in the coming months her friend rolls up the welcome mat, the alternative for your sister will be the nursing facility. Period.

DEAR ABBY: I have known "Gigi" since second grade. We have stayed in touch through the years, although more sporadically in the last two decades. Until 10 years ago, she would spend a week with us in the summer. She came three different times, and we had fun. We also visited her twice in California. I was married, but without kids then. Shortly after our first child was born, she started dating -- and then living with -- her boyfriend. I'm happy that she's happy with him.

Soon after they began dating, Gigi asked about coming to visit, and I agreed, but said they would need to sleep in separate rooms at my house. She said yes, and I don't think she was surprised because she has known me for so long. However, the plans didn't work out (his schedule, she said) and they didn't come. That was five years ago.

We were recently on the phone, and she asked about coming out. I told her I was glad to meet her boyfriend at last, and we set a date. Neither of us mentioned the sleeping arrangements, but I feel maybe I need to clarify again. I do not judge her, but I have made a decision that in my home I should never have to feel uncomfortable. Their sharing the same room would make me uncomfortable.

During the conversation five years ago, I told Gigi that if sleeping separately made them uncomfortable, we could see each other during the day and they could arrange to stay in a hotel or another friend's home. She hasn't mentioned her plans this time around, but right now it sounds like they intend to stay here. What should I do? -- HOUSE RULES IN UTAH

DEAR RULES: Because Gigi and her boyfriend sharing a bedroom in your house would still make you uncomfortable, call her and explain that although they are welcome, your feelings on the subject of sleeping arrangements haven't changed. This is not a discussion you should have upon their arrival.

DEAR ABBY: What's the best way to decline handshakes? In social settings, I often find myself ready to dine, hands washed and sanitized, only for someone to thrust their hand toward me expecting a handshake. The last thing I want before handling my food is to shake anyone's hand.

In one instance, a man who was hosting the gathering with his wife returned belatedly from a bike ride as we were approaching the dinner table and offered me his sweaty hand. Refusing elicited a dirty look from my partner and an expression of bewilderment on the face of the bicyclist. Please advise. -- KEEPING CLEAN IN THE WEST

DEAR KEEPING CLEAN: If this is of any comfort, you are far from the only person who dislikes shaking hands. Over the years, I have received letters from many others who share your concern. Some are afraid of COVID; others simply dislike the physical contact. (In some cultures, handshaking is never done.) Some individuals avoid it by placing their palms together, leaning forward a bit, smiling and saying something like, "Great to see you!" or, in your case, "So how was that bike ride?" If you don't do this already, keep a small bottle of hand sanitizer on your person to use when you're out of options.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter passed away nine years ago. She was almost 13. My mother never bothered to have a relationship with her when she was alive. But now, on every birthday and anniversary of her passing, Mom posts on Facebook how much she misses her and how "close" they were. Her friends all send messages of love addressed to Mom, with no mention of my husband and me. It hurts and upsets us, but I don't know how -- or if -- I should talk with her about it. Any words of advice? -- GRIEVING MOM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GRIEVING MOM: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your daughter. It is possible now that she is gone, your mother realizes how many opportunities she missed to have a close relationship with her grandchild, and she posts those messages out of guilt. She may also do it for attention, which is sad. You can't stop her from posting what she wants on her page, but you can spare yourself the upset you experience when you see it if you stay away from Facebook on these occasions.

DEAR ABBY: I am a closeted lesbian in my teens and really scared about coming out. I recently moved to an area of the country that is full of racists, sexists and homophobes. Most of my friends are really religious. One of them has said bad things about gay people and what she would like to do to them. I'm scared to come out to them.

I have only come out to a few people, but I know my family will accept me no matter what. I would really like to feel comfortable around my friends as my true self, but I'm not sure how I can do that. -- YEARNING TO BE ME IN THE SOUTH

DEAR YEARNING: Because you are sure your parents will be supportive and accepting, come out to them. However, unless you consider coming out in your community to be safe, you shouldn't do it. You can find friends on the internet. Social media can provide friendships until you are old enough to leave the area you now live in. This is what many young LGBTQ people do. You have a wonderful life ahead of you, and you should come out when you feel the time is right.

DEAR ABBY: How does one handle visiting a patient who is in the hospital for tests or a procedure when they have an attention-seeking person sitting with them the entire time? The patient is up for visitors and able to communicate, but this extra person -- who is not who you have gone to see -- monopolizes the entire visit. I offered to give the person a break so I could actually visit the patient, but the hint was ignored. Any suggestions? -- DREADING VISITATION IN OHIO

DEAR DREADING: I do have one. Before you visit, call the patient and ask if a visit is welcome and if there is a time when you can be alone. If the answer is no, wait until the patient is out of the hospital to have that visit. Between you and me, when someone is in the hospital, that person should rest rather than "entertain" anyone, with the exception of closest family members.