DEAR ABBY: I have known "Gigi" since second grade. We have stayed in touch through the years, although more sporadically in the last two decades. Until 10 years ago, she would spend a week with us in the summer. She came three different times, and we had fun. We also visited her twice in California. I was married, but without kids then. Shortly after our first child was born, she started dating -- and then living with -- her boyfriend. I'm happy that she's happy with him.

Soon after they began dating, Gigi asked about coming to visit, and I agreed, but said they would need to sleep in separate rooms at my house. She said yes, and I don't think she was surprised because she has known me for so long. However, the plans didn't work out (his schedule, she said) and they didn't come. That was five years ago.

We were recently on the phone, and she asked about coming out. I told her I was glad to meet her boyfriend at last, and we set a date. Neither of us mentioned the sleeping arrangements, but I feel maybe I need to clarify again. I do not judge her, but I have made a decision that in my home I should never have to feel uncomfortable. Their sharing the same room would make me uncomfortable.

During the conversation five years ago, I told Gigi that if sleeping separately made them uncomfortable, we could see each other during the day and they could arrange to stay in a hotel or another friend's home. She hasn't mentioned her plans this time around, but right now it sounds like they intend to stay here. What should I do? -- HOUSE RULES IN UTAH

DEAR RULES: Because Gigi and her boyfriend sharing a bedroom in your house would still make you uncomfortable, call her and explain that although they are welcome, your feelings on the subject of sleeping arrangements haven't changed. This is not a discussion you should have upon their arrival.

DEAR ABBY: What's the best way to decline handshakes? In social settings, I often find myself ready to dine, hands washed and sanitized, only for someone to thrust their hand toward me expecting a handshake. The last thing I want before handling my food is to shake anyone's hand.

In one instance, a man who was hosting the gathering with his wife returned belatedly from a bike ride as we were approaching the dinner table and offered me his sweaty hand. Refusing elicited a dirty look from my partner and an expression of bewilderment on the face of the bicyclist. Please advise. -- KEEPING CLEAN IN THE WEST

DEAR KEEPING CLEAN: If this is of any comfort, you are far from the only person who dislikes shaking hands. Over the years, I have received letters from many others who share your concern. Some are afraid of COVID; others simply dislike the physical contact. (In some cultures, handshaking is never done.) Some individuals avoid it by placing their palms together, leaning forward a bit, smiling and saying something like, "Great to see you!" or, in your case, "So how was that bike ride?" If you don't do this already, keep a small bottle of hand sanitizer on your person to use when you're out of options.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter passed away nine years ago. She was almost 13. My mother never bothered to have a relationship with her when she was alive. But now, on every birthday and anniversary of her passing, Mom posts on Facebook how much she misses her and how "close" they were. Her friends all send messages of love addressed to Mom, with no mention of my husband and me. It hurts and upsets us, but I don't know how -- or if -- I should talk with her about it. Any words of advice? -- GRIEVING MOM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR GRIEVING MOM: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your daughter. It is possible now that she is gone, your mother realizes how many opportunities she missed to have a close relationship with her grandchild, and she posts those messages out of guilt. She may also do it for attention, which is sad. You can't stop her from posting what she wants on her page, but you can spare yourself the upset you experience when you see it if you stay away from Facebook on these occasions.

DEAR ABBY: I am a closeted lesbian in my teens and really scared about coming out. I recently moved to an area of the country that is full of racists, sexists and homophobes. Most of my friends are really religious. One of them has said bad things about gay people and what she would like to do to them. I'm scared to come out to them.

I have only come out to a few people, but I know my family will accept me no matter what. I would really like to feel comfortable around my friends as my true self, but I'm not sure how I can do that. -- YEARNING TO BE ME IN THE SOUTH

DEAR YEARNING: Because you are sure your parents will be supportive and accepting, come out to them. However, unless you consider coming out in your community to be safe, you shouldn't do it. You can find friends on the internet. Social media can provide friendships until you are old enough to leave the area you now live in. This is what many young LGBTQ people do. You have a wonderful life ahead of you, and you should come out when you feel the time is right.

DEAR ABBY: How does one handle visiting a patient who is in the hospital for tests or a procedure when they have an attention-seeking person sitting with them the entire time? The patient is up for visitors and able to communicate, but this extra person -- who is not who you have gone to see -- monopolizes the entire visit. I offered to give the person a break so I could actually visit the patient, but the hint was ignored. Any suggestions? -- DREADING VISITATION IN OHIO

DEAR DREADING: I do have one. Before you visit, call the patient and ask if a visit is welcome and if there is a time when you can be alone. If the answer is no, wait until the patient is out of the hospital to have that visit. Between you and me, when someone is in the hospital, that person should rest rather than "entertain" anyone, with the exception of closest family members.

DEAR ABBY: I have a moral and ethical dilemma. I nominated a co-worker for a benefit through our company. The person was awarded what I consider to be a good sum ($5,000) for replacement hearing aids.

Seven months have gone by and this person "still has the check" and hasn't used the money for its intended purpose. They bought two "beater" cars and took a trip to New York City. I feel like I was duped. Should I call the hotline and let the foundation know my suspicions, or let it go? I feel that this person got away with what I feel are dirty deeds. What to do? -- REGRETTING IT IN THE WEST

DEAR REGRETTING IT: "What to do" is contact the foundation that sent the generous check, explain your concerns and leave the ball in their court. They may, indeed, wish to follow up -- and possibly inform the police -- if there was fraud involved.

DEAR ABBY: I'm stuck in a rut here. My girlfriend is anxious and depressed. I love her very much, and I want to help her. I understand that someone with anxiety and depression can be a handful, but sometimes I feel like I'm dealing with too much. My girlfriend is so deep in this state that no matter how I try, it seems like she doesn't want my help at all. How do I deal with this? I feel like I'm going mad. -- NEED GUIDANCE IN THE EAST

DEAR GUIDANCE: I am sure you love your girlfriend very much, but it is important to realize that depression and anxiety are medical conditions. You cannot "fix" them. The most helpful thing you can do for your girlfriend would be to convince her to discuss what's going on with her doctor so she can be referred to a licensed mental health provider. Medications are available that could help her, as well as talk therapy, which she may also need.

DEAR ABBY: I've been a dental assistant for more than 20 years, and I'd like to share an observation with your readers. Over the years, we've seen many patients who diligently take care of their oral hygiene. Then, suddenly, we notice decay both clinically and on X-rays –- after years of no decay. We ask them, "Are you taking a new medication that's causing dry mouth? Have you started drinking some different beverage? Have you been eating more sweets?" More often than not, they tell us nothing's changed.

The problem often is sugar where they don't expect it -- in fiber supplements, meal replacement shakes, gummy vitamins, chewable antacids, vitamin water, etc. Many of these items contain a surprising amount of sugar. Please encourage your readers to read the nutrition labels of their supplements. It could save their teeth. -- ANTI-DECAY IN DALLAS

DEAR ANTI-DECAY: Thank you very much for educating my readers and me. This is something I had never considered, and I'll bet many of them haven't either. Your letter is an important one, and I hope they will heed it as I plan to.