DEAR ABBY: I'm in a three-year relationship, but my significant other, "Ron," is extremely cautious about emotional attachment. It took him two years to tell me he loves me or even to express any form of serious affection. In addition, he's consumed by his job and worries about how his co-workers perceive him. He seems to prioritize work relationships over our relationship.

Because I have been depressed by the meager affection he shows me, I began an intimate relationship with a former co-worker, "Dan." Dan expresses no reservations or restraint in his feelings for me. He makes me feel appreciated, beautiful and loved.

I have strong feelings for them both and realize I have created a horrible situation. I don't want to abandon a stable, caring relationship that was cultivated over three years, and I'm terrified that ending the relationship in favor of one with Dan would be something I'll regret later. But I'm unwilling to break things off with Dan. I'd appreciate any advice. -- TWO-TIMER ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR 'TWO-TIMER': I'll try. Because your relationship with Ron left you feeling so empty that you went looking for solace in another man's arms, ask yourself whether you really love Ron or just the challenge of getting him to finally commit to you. You are unwilling to give Dan up because he gives you affection and validation, which are vital in a long-term relationship.

Recognize that you are cheating on both men, which is fair to neither one -- and do not think that Ron won't find out. If you want to spend your life with an emotionally unavailable workaholic, do the honorable thing and break up with Dan. If what you have been getting from Dan is more important to you, well, you know the drill.

DEAR ABBY: My oldest daughter recently had her first child. She sent out christening invitations a month early after clearing the date with the godparents, church and venue.

My youngest adult daughter, who has two children and lives nearby, declined the invite. (She is not the godparent.) Her reason was that she and her family had tickets to a ballgame on the same day as the christening. I suggested that only she attend and have another relative go to the game in her place, but was told she should be at the game with her family. Your thoughts? -- PRIORITIES IN FLORIDA

DEAR PRIORITIES: My first thought is that your younger daughter ranks her love of sports above her love for her sister. My second thought is that her priorities are out of whack. Could there be bad blood between them? Long after that ballgame is over and forgotten, the memory of her absence at that important family event will be remembered by the relatives she snubbed.

DEAR ABBY: I have no family and few friends -- nobody close. My live-in girlfriend of two years and I argue constantly. We no longer share a bedroom, and I feel more like a roommate. I honestly feel I'm being used for money. Her 24-year-old son died from an overdose two months ago, so I can't help but feel sorry for her. She isn't working, and I don't know when she can return.

I don't have the money to move. I wish I did. I'm miserable, she's miserable and I feel stuck. I'm 46; she's 44. I pay rent and 50% of the utilities, which is fine. But how can I ever get out? Moving isn't cheap anymore.

I'm desperate for hope that I'm not stuck here forever. I'm afraid if I move -- even if I live in a tent for now -- she will give up on everything. She has two grown kids, but she was closest to the one who passed. I feel guilty for wanting and needing to leave. At the same time, I'm miserable. She's in therapy and on medicine. Please advise. -- WITHOUT HOPE IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR WITHOUT HOPE: Start saving whatever money you can and explore options for other living arrangements, including renting a single room. Staying where you are under these circumstances will make you sick if you don't take control of your life. Your former girlfriend is under the care of a doctor. You are NOT her lifeline. She will survive.

DEAR ABBY: I am friendly with a woman who is wonderful and caring. She calls to ask how I'm doing, drops off coffee to say hi, etc. She has a great heart and soul. Our boys are close in age. That's the problem -- I do not like her children.

Her kids are difficult and they run roughshod over her. She knows discipline is a problem, but she's at a loss. My children don't enjoy playing with them, either. Her kids are careless and don't listen to authority. I want to continue our friendship, but I like her better without the children in tow. Should I speak up or fade away? -- CONDITIONAL FRIEND

DEAR FRIEND: Your friend's children can't be blamed for things they were never taught. Tell your friend that when her kids visit your home, you will be establishing some "house rules." If you do, you may be doing that entire family a favor. If her kids cannot comply, inform her that your children no longer want to play with hers and why. She needs that information before her kids become social outcasts. If your friendship with her fades after that, and I sincerely hope it won't, then que sera, sera.

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO MY ASIAN READERS WHO CELEBRATE THE LUNAR NEW YEAR: The Year of the Rabbit begins today. In Chinese culture, the rabbit is known to be the luckiest of all 12 animals in the zodiac. People born in the Year of the Rabbit are calm and peaceful. They avoid fighting and arguing, are artistic and have good taste. However, they may be insecure and sensitive and dislike criticism, which causes them to be averse to change. I wish a happy, healthy new year to all who are celebrating this holiday. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: In response to "Ageless Lady in Washington" (Oct. 8), who sought a retort to people who ask her age, I had an aunt who refused to divulge her age. She would say to anyone inquiring, "I'll excuse you for asking, if you'll excuse me for not answering." -- JANE M. IN FLORIDA

DEAR JANE: That was a classic Dear Abby retort from many years ago, and one I have also recommended. Readers had fun suggesting answers to the delicate question "How old are you?" Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My grandmother lived to 103. She always answered, "I'm old enough to have a past and young enough to have a future." She was still saying this past her 100th birthday. -- MRS. F. IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: "Ageless Lady's" letter reminded me of the response my great aunt would use when asked her age. She would say, "Can you keep a secret?" When the person would reply with "Yes, I can," she would then say, "So can I!" That was usually the end of the conversation. -- RITA W. IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: Something I heard in a TV commercial would be a perfect response to what "Ageless" considers a rude question: "Age is just a number. Mine is unlisted." -- CAROLE R. IN ARIZONA

DEAR ABBY: As a child I heard -- and still remember -- my mom's answer to that question. I enjoy sharing it when the opportunity arises: "I'm the same age as my tongue, and a little older than my teeth." I enjoy the look of puzzlement it creates. -- DIANNE H. IN THE SOUTH

DEAR ABBY: I think it's time we stopped behaving as if getting to be a certain age, particularly as women, is something to hide. I hope we will quit giving kids the message that older women are "less than." I know the beauty industry would like to perpetuate that myth for economic benefit, but we don't have to aid and abet them. -- LISA A. IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR ABBY: When I'm asked how old I am, I answer, "When I was born, the rainbow was black and white." -- NOT YOUR BUSINESS IN KANSAS

DEAR ABBY: I once received a birthday card that dealt with the issue perfectly. It had a picture of a falcon on it and it read, "If someone asks your age, tell them what Farquart the Talking Falcon says: None of your falcon business!" -- DAVID S. IN GEORGIA