DEAR ABBY: When I was 13, my 10-year-old cousin let a boy we did not know well into my house. Nobody else was there with us. He told her he wanted to "make out" with me, and he came upstairs. I confronted him and told him to leave. Later on, I told my mother about the incident, thinking I would be commended on my bravery.

Shortly afterward, against my will, she insisted my aunt, a hairstylist, cut my long hair up to my chin. I sobbed during the entire ordeal. My hair had given me confidence about my looks, which I needed because I was large-chested and embarrassed at that age about it. By cutting my hair against my will, my mother made me no longer trust her and think she didn't love me or like me.

In later years, I realized she may have done it so I would not attract boys and there would be less risk of my being harmed by a boy like the one who got into our house. If that was the case, she should have sat me down and explained that the boy could have hurt, raped or even killed me. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt.

Recently, my aunt and I had a falling-out, and I remembered she was the one who actually did the cutting. I am feeling resentment toward her after all these years. I would like parents to know that cutting a teenager's hair at such a vulnerable stage of their development should not be a punishment. It is disrespectful and oversteps a child's boundaries. Am I correct in my thinking? -- STILL REMEMBERS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR STILL REMEMBERS: Yes, you are. Your mother punished you for being an attractive young girl, which wasn't your fault. What she did was a form of assault and blaming the victim, and it was outrageous. It's a shame your aunt couldn't have talked some sense into your mother.

P.S. You did nothing wrong. Your cousin let the boy into the house, and your cousin should have been lectured about it.

DEAR ABBY: I went through breast cancer a few years ago. My breasts are now two different sizes because of the lumpectomy. I wear a gel prosthetic in my bra to camouflage it, and I'm extremely self-conscious about it. Because of this, I haven't dated in 10 years. How can I get past this fear of rejection? -- OUT OF THE GAME IN ILLINOIS

DEAR OUT: I wish you had joined a cancer support group right after that lumpectomy. If you had, you would have received emotional support and tips for dating from other women who have had cancer surgery. Countless women have had breast surgery similar to yours.

If a potential partner is interested in you as a person, they won't be turned off by the fact that your breasts aren't the same size. Many women are born with asymmetrical breasts and live full, happy lives. A way to get past this fear would be to open up and reach out. Another would be to talk to your doctor or a mental health professional. The only thing you shouldn't do is hide yourself away as though having survived cancer is something to be ashamed of.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is 38; I am 36. We have been together for 13 years, married for 11. We never wanted children, although we have some pets. My problem is, we've fallen into a parent-child relationship, where I'm starting to feel like the child. He enables me to the point that if I'm the least bit distressed (i.e., doing dishes and getting frustrated because there are a lot), he takes over what I'm doing. He even tucks me into bed and kisses me goodnight, turns off the light and closes the door. Because of our work schedules, we sleep at different times. I find this strange.

I have mentioned it to him before, and it hurt his feelings. I love him dearly, but seeing him as my "parent" is starting to make it hard for me to love him as my husband. I have asked him to go to therapy, but he is unwilling. I am very blunt when it comes to saying things, and it generally triggers arguments. How can I tell him all of this bothers me without starting a huge fight? -- ADULT WOMAN/WIFE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ADULT: It's interesting the way different people can view the same situation. From my perspective, you married a man who adores you and wants to help when he sees you are frustrated with something. Because you sleep separately, he comes into the bedroom to kiss you goodnight because he loves his wife. That this triggers a negative reaction surprises me. Many women -- including me -- would be thrilled.

However, because his demonstrations of affection bother you, choose a time when you can have a calm discussion and explain to him how these gestures affect you. It also might be worth your while to schedule a session or two with a licensed psychotherapist to give you some insight about why you react so negatively toward your husband's loving gestures that you would write me about it.

DEAR ABBY: I recently made the acquaintance of a woman who just moved into our neighborhood. We are both new members of a local civic club. I asked if she would like to attend an upcoming event for the group and have breakfast afterward. It was a bad move on my part, because she now seems to think I am her best friend.

She sends me text messages throughout the day -- seven yesterday alone. She constantly asks me for rides to meetings and local events, often at the last minute. I'm sure she's lonely, but I am busy with a husband. I also volunteer for a nonprofit group and manage a short-term rental property. I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't have time for someone this needy. How do I tell her to back off? -- STRESSED IN RETIREMENT

DEAR STRESSED: Convey that message directly -- but kindly -- by explaining that you are busy with a husband, volunteering for a nonprofit and managing real estate and don't have time to maintain the kind of relationship she's seeking. Tell her you will reach out to her when you have an opening in your schedule. Then suggest she may meet more like-minded people and make more friends if she begins volunteering in the community, too.

DEAR ABBY: My dad had a stroke. My siblings and I (there are three of us) needed someone to care for him, since we all work full time. I asked my stepson, "Miles," who was living in Tennessee, if he could help us out by moving to Washington state and caring for Dad during the day (Miles works nights), given that Dad needed 24/7 care. My siblings and I didn't want to put him into a nursing home.

Within two weeks, Miles had given up his life in Tennessee and moved across the country to help. Because he was helping us, we didn't ask him to pay rent. His generosity saved us thousands of dollars in nursing home fees, and Dad was much happier living at home.

Dad passed away early this year, and my siblings and I are in the process of selling the house. Miles is still living with me in the house because I inherited Dad's two dogs. He takes care of the dogs and such while I'm gone for various reasons. He has been a huge help and I still haven't asked him to pay rent, given his sacrifice to serve our needs during a time of crisis. The problem is, my sister thinks Miles should now pay rent until the home is sold. My brother and I disagree. My brother says if it's fine with me, it's fine with him.

I feel like I'm "paying it forward" for the help Miles gave not only to us, but our dad. He earns a minimal salary and pays for half the utilities and most of the food. Asking him for rent until we sell the house feels selfish to me, given that he unselfishly relinquished his previous life for my family. Am I wrong not asking him for rent? We expect to sell the home within six months or less. -- NEEDING GUIDANCE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR NEEDING: Your stepson is selfless and generous. I do not think he should be expected to pay to live with you under these circumstances, so stand your ground. However, I do think that Miles should be giving serious thought to finding a job that will pay him more than a "minimal" salary because in six months, once your father's house is sold, he'll need a roof over his head. Please encourage him to do so, and if he needs training to reach his goals, encourage him to get it.

DEAR ABBY: Two good friends of mine lived together and then had a falling out. There wasn't a big explosion, but simmering emotions eventually led one to tell the other she no longer wanted to be friends. It has been a few years, and there has been no mending of their relationship. They have a lot of mutual friends, so they know they will still sometimes see each other.

I'm about to have a party, and have invited both of them. What's the rule of etiquette here? Should I go out of my way to inform them both that the other is coming? I don't want to surprise them, but at the same time, I worry that telling them would be a little dramatic. They are both adults who can deal with it -- I think. -- NERVOUS HOSTESS IN OREGON

DEAR HOSTESS: No rule of etiquette decrees that you must run your guest list by prospective guests. It isn't necessary to raise the subject with either of them. As you stated, these people are adults and should be able to handle themselves appropriately. Issue your invitations and enjoy your party.