DEAR ABBY: My dad had a stroke. My siblings and I (there are three of us) needed someone to care for him, since we all work full time. I asked my stepson, "Miles," who was living in Tennessee, if he could help us out by moving to Washington state and caring for Dad during the day (Miles works nights), given that Dad needed 24/7 care. My siblings and I didn't want to put him into a nursing home.

Within two weeks, Miles had given up his life in Tennessee and moved across the country to help. Because he was helping us, we didn't ask him to pay rent. His generosity saved us thousands of dollars in nursing home fees, and Dad was much happier living at home.

Dad passed away early this year, and my siblings and I are in the process of selling the house. Miles is still living with me in the house because I inherited Dad's two dogs. He takes care of the dogs and such while I'm gone for various reasons. He has been a huge help and I still haven't asked him to pay rent, given his sacrifice to serve our needs during a time of crisis. The problem is, my sister thinks Miles should now pay rent until the home is sold. My brother and I disagree. My brother says if it's fine with me, it's fine with him.

I feel like I'm "paying it forward" for the help Miles gave not only to us, but our dad. He earns a minimal salary and pays for half the utilities and most of the food. Asking him for rent until we sell the house feels selfish to me, given that he unselfishly relinquished his previous life for my family. Am I wrong not asking him for rent? We expect to sell the home within six months or less. -- NEEDING GUIDANCE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR NEEDING: Your stepson is selfless and generous. I do not think he should be expected to pay to live with you under these circumstances, so stand your ground. However, I do think that Miles should be giving serious thought to finding a job that will pay him more than a "minimal" salary because in six months, once your father's house is sold, he'll need a roof over his head. Please encourage him to do so, and if he needs training to reach his goals, encourage him to get it.

DEAR ABBY: Two good friends of mine lived together and then had a falling out. There wasn't a big explosion, but simmering emotions eventually led one to tell the other she no longer wanted to be friends. It has been a few years, and there has been no mending of their relationship. They have a lot of mutual friends, so they know they will still sometimes see each other.

I'm about to have a party, and have invited both of them. What's the rule of etiquette here? Should I go out of my way to inform them both that the other is coming? I don't want to surprise them, but at the same time, I worry that telling them would be a little dramatic. They are both adults who can deal with it -- I think. -- NERVOUS HOSTESS IN OREGON

DEAR HOSTESS: No rule of etiquette decrees that you must run your guest list by prospective guests. It isn't necessary to raise the subject with either of them. As you stated, these people are adults and should be able to handle themselves appropriately. Issue your invitations and enjoy your party.

DEAR ABBY: I dearly love my youngest daughter. She's the only one of my four daughters who has never married. For several months, she has been living with a man who is divorced and the father of two sons.

He's a caring father. The problem is his status as a felon, for possession of drugs and fleeing the police. He served his time -- about a year -- and received commendations during that time. Her sisters refuse to come to my home if he's present and won't invite him for holidays.

My birthday is approaching, and I want her here with her sisters, but she will not come without him. I believe everyone deserves a second chance. How long should it take for her sisters and their husbands to accept him? -- ACCEPTING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ACCEPTING: If your daughter's boyfriend lives a clean lifestyle, has found employment and is trying to turn his life around, your other daughters and their husbands should give him the chance to prove himself. That they refuse is sad in light of the fact that it prevents you from enjoying holidays with your entire family. However, I can't change what's happening, and neither can you, so celebrate with this couple separately.

DEAR ABBY: When I was 15, I was fortunate to trail-ride up a mountain with people familiar with the area. We stopped at a homestead to say hello to a man who had lived secluded there for 25 years. That's when I first thought, "I want to be a hermit someday." Twenty-five years ago, I bought some acreage. I spent years hand-clearing and putting in infrastructure, but eventually my husband and I built a small home and studios. We love living in this private space.

My question has to do with the common belief that people need people. After 50 years of being a community-involved person, a shopkeeper in a service business and an event organizer, I'm now happily retired. I love my privacy. I don't need to go anywhere or see almost anyone (aside from family). I will help when asked, rise to the occasion, cheer on, but -- is it OK to love being a hermit?

My huge network of friends seems to accept it. Occasionally, rarely, someone may stop by and I make coffee. I could live this way as long as I live. I finally have my dream. But is it too weird? -- HERMIT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR HERMIT: It's unusual, but I don't think it's "weird." One person's dream may be another person's nightmare; the reverse is also true. Enjoy living your dream, and do not apologize or feel guilty for it.

DEAR ABBY: I am in an awkward situation and need a diplomatic way to handle it. I own a business, and one customer is persistently asking to socialize. I always give an excuse, to no avail. He just continues to offer new dates and options. How do I get across to him that his invitations are not welcome, without jeopardizing our business relationship? -- HELP NEEDED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HELP: Tell this man you are flattered he wants to take you out, however, you have one hard-and-fast rule, and that rule is never to date a client. Period.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 11 months. We've been together five years and have lived together for the last three. This is my second marriage and his third. I have put up with a lot from him and overlooked way too much. He isn't affectionate, doesn't kiss me hello or goodbye unless I ask, and doesn't hug me.

He doesn't seem to like sex either, although if I say it, he gets mad at me and says he does. We might have sex twice a month. I would like it more often than that, but I have tolerated his almost nonexistent sex drive. He never initiates. He is very moody and pouts and complains about things not going his way with his job, his life, his 16-year-old daughter (who doesn't like to be with him), etc. Yet he doesn't make positive changes.

Since the wedding, he has stopped sleeping with me in the same bed. He claims I snore and it wakes him up. I don't like the TV on when I'm falling asleep, and he demands to have it on. He won't go with me to visit my family but demands that I go with him on weekends and sometimes during the week to have dinner at his parents'.

I moved an hour and a half away from my children and grandchildren to be with him. When I mention that I would like to have the kids spend the night, he comes up with a million excuses why that isn't a good idea, but when his daughter wants to spend the night, it's perfectly fine.

OMG, as I write this, I'm wondering WHY am I with him? I feel like crying. I do love him, and when I think about not being with him, it feels like my heart is falling out of my chest. What should I do? -- HEARTBROKEN & STUCK IN THE EAST

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: I know what I would do if I were in your situation, but I'm not you. You stated that you gained insight from writing this letter. You appear to be an intelligent person. I suggest you reread your letter several more times, because after you do, I am confident you will know what you need to do. It is possible to love someone and not be compatible.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my 40s and have been divorced for seven years after an awful marriage. I have two daughters who would love for me to meet someone and have the loving relationship I deserve. The problem is, I fell in love with someone after my divorce, and he decided to marry someone else. I have no way of knowing if he is still married. We are not allowed to have contact because of his new wife's jealousy.

My heart is broken. I don't know how to move on from someone I truly felt was my soul mate. How do you tell your heart to move on? It feels impossible. No one compares to him, so I feel like my only option is to settle for less than the best or stay single. -- DOWNHEARTED IN OHIO

DEAR DOWNHEARTED: Either of those options might work for you. But a better one would be to realize that while this man may have been your soul mate, you were not his. Then make a rational decision to move forward with your life. You are in your 40s, and it isn't too late to meet someone with whom you can have a happy life.