DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have two adult sons, 22 and 20. We helped them become independent by teaching them as teenagers to cook, do their laundry, scrub their bathrooms, vacuum, do dishes, etc.

Our oldest moved out a year ago and rented an apartment with his 28-year-old girlfriend. A month after he moved, we were invited to their place for dinner. The apartment was a mess. We let our son know they need to spend 15 to 30 minutes every day picking up after themselves so their days off won't be spent cleaning. They both work crazy hours.

Neither one thinks cleaning their apartment is important! We have bought them cleaning supplies, a vacuum, a mop, etc., to help them maintain their apartment, but they sit unused. Their place is now a total disaster. It pains me to see them live like this. This isn't how our son was raised.

By the way, she is the mother of a 5-year-old who stays with her three days a week. Part of me wants to call CPS because no child should live in these conditions, but I'm hesitant because of my son. He loves her and enjoys living with her. I desperately need advice on how to best handle this. -- FASTIDIOUS IN WASHINGTON

DEAR FASTIDIOUS: I understand that you are disgusted, but the "best way to handle this" would be to step back and stay out of it. This is how your son has chosen to live -- for now. If he is bothered by the mess, he's capable of stepping in to rectify it. You should not call CPS unless the child is in imminent danger.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife, "Jenny," and I were together seven years, married for almost five of them. We have a young child together. We have been divorced for eight months. I have been trying to reconcile with her because she is the love of my life and I want our family to be together.

The problem is, since we separated, she has been seeing my ex-best friend, "Mack," who was the best man at our wedding. I was crushed when I found out. I have tried to show Jenny that Mack is a manipulator and a liar and that he hasn't been honest with her during their time together.

I know that I am clearly the best man for Jenny, our son and our family. However, she continues to see Mack even after his true colors have been shown and after I have done everything to make things right with us and win her back. How should I proceed, knowing she's making the wrong decision? -- RIGHTING A WRONG

DEAR RIGHTING: Please accept my sympathy because it's obvious you are hurting. You can't save your marriage all by yourself. It takes two. Your ex is unwilling to accept that Mack hasn't been honest, and sometimes people must learn the hard way. As much as you'd like to "save" Jenny, she's going to have to make her own mistakes. Stay close so you can buffer your son if there are stormy seas ahead. If Mack is as bad as you say, their romance likely will not last.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I moved into a new rental house on my best friend's property a year ago. We love living here. We moved to be closer to my friend, "Noah," who is like a brother to me. He and his wife live on the same property.

Noah was diagnosed with heart disease two years ago, and was given a year to live. He has surpassed that estimate. He now wants my husband and me to buy the house we are renting. I'm hesitant because Noah's wife suffers from a mental illness.

She has always been threatened by our close friendship, and if anything goes wrong in her life, she accuses me of sabotaging her. When she's stable, she's a nice and generous person, but recently she has been experiencing hallucinations and severe paranoia.

Noah wants us to stay because he needs our support. I'm afraid that after he's gone, she'll make our lives miserable and try to contest the ownership of the property. The property is in Noah's name only. He bought it before they got married. What should I do? -- TORN TO PIECES

DEAR TORN: Your question is of a legal nature and in no state of the union am I licensed to give legal advice. That is why you, your husband and Noah need to schedule an appointment (ASAP) to discuss this business matter with an attorney who can give you guidance to ensure your interests are protected if this transaction takes place. Because it won't solve the issue of Noah's unstable wife, that question should be up to you and your husband to debate separately.

DEAR ABBY: I have been trying to develop a relationship with my half-sister, and I'm getting very mixed messages. She is mostly polite and distant. But then there are times she'll disinvite me from her child's birthday party or "unfriend" me on Facebook, etc. She explains later that she did it out of anxiety, and she seems worried about being hurt. She has an excuse every time I ask to get together.

I know she's affected by our father dying of cancer when she was young (she was 10 or 11), so I attribute her behavior to that and try not to take it personally. However, it hurts, and I'm tempted to give up. It is clear she has no interest in spending time with me. Should I stop trying to engage her? She talks warmly with our other shared relatives but not with me. I don't think I've done anything wrong, so I'm baffled. -- SLIGHTED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR SLIGHTED: Your half-sister appears to have emotional challenges in addition to her anxiety. That she would disinvite you to a family function after you had accepted the invitation was rude. It's time to take the hint and step back. Having a parent in common does not guarantee siblings will have a close relationship. My advice is to go on with your life and quit pushing for something this woman is apparently unable or unwilling to give.

DEAR ABBY: I am an only child and I love my mother. My father passed away after a short illness three years ago, leaving my mother a widow. My problem is, she calls me multiple times a day. I'm not one of those women whose mom is my best friend or someone who enjoys talking on the phone. If I don't answer, she keeps calling back. She calls while I'm getting ready for work, on the way to work, while I'm at work or on the way home, etc.

I know I may regret it one day, but I don't have the energy for all her daily calls, which are basically her asking me 50 questions. I don't talk to my own grown children on a daily basis like she calls me. I have reached the point that I dread it and at times ignore her calls.

I have encouraged her to branch out -- hang out with other widows, meet new friends or join groups, but because of COVID she's hesitant. I don't want to be ugly to her, but the more she does this, the more anxious I get. I have also asked her to just text me so I can respond when I'm available, but she says she just doesn't think about that as an option.

She's a very sweet woman, but she is stressing me out! Is it me or her? Please help me so I don't ruin this relationship. As an only child, am I being selfish? -- INUNDATED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR INUNDATED: It isn't you, it's her. Your mother is doing this because she feels lonely, anxious and vulnerable and may have forgotten how to socialize as an individual without your father. The COVID restrictions added to the problem because people were discouraged from hanging out in groups.

After three years, it is not selfish to create boundaries with her. Tell her you will speak to her once a day. Then screen your calls and talk with your mom when you aren't stressed and have a few minutes to spend in conversation.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have visits from family several times a year. I don't cook, at least not a lot -- just simple meals for my husband and me. We are 72 and 69. Visiting family members want to cook and discuss the latest natural foods they have grown or used, and I'm left feeling like they expect the same from me. (We do occasionally take people to a nearby restaurant.)

It feels to me more like a "look what I'm doing" than casual conversation. Cooking, growing, etc. don't impress me because I have been there, moved on and am no longer interested in the achievement. How do I deal with these people? -- BEYOND IT IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR BEYOND IT: You are under no obligation to alter the way you cook to suit these visitors. When your relatives start cooking and "lecturing" about nutrition and gardening, consider changing the subject. Or, pop in some earbuds and listen to your favorite podcast or music. You may find that once they realize they have lost their audience, they'll find something else to talk about.