DEAR ABBY: Recently, my wife told me her brothers have been mad at her for more than a decade and don't talk to her because of something I said at a family get-together 12 years ago. I asked what they were mad about and what the discussion was about that upset them, but they didn't say -- they just quit contacting her. To me, it's childish and rude to treat their sister that way. Do you have any thoughts or suggestions? -- DID NOT KNOW IN THE SOUTH

DEAR DID NOT: Yes, I do. The term for what your wife's brothers have been doing is "passive aggression." Because your wife's brothers aren't willing to address the issue, nothing can be done to resolve it. This is why I suggest the two of you -- and whatever other relatives you do get along with -- go on with your lives and waste no more time looking back.

DEAR ABBY: We have a group of friends who get together most Friday nights. We go out to eat, meet for drinks or gather at one of the group member's homes for dinner and drinks. One person in particular constantly complains about everything every single week.

They don't like the restaurant that was chosen, or the food the host prepared or the place the pizza was ordered from. Once, they kept repeatedly telling the host they wanted to punch the host's son in the face because he was rude to the host on his way out for the evening. This guest's spouse also nitpicks relentlessly. It makes everybody uncomfortable.

It has reached the point that the group doesn't want to get together anymore because of the damper this couple puts on the evening. My spouse and I haven't seen the group for several weeks now, but we miss them. Is there a polite way to tell this couple their negativity is a drag on the rest of the group, and maybe they should seek professional help or learn to keep their mouths shut? -- DOWN WITH THE DOWNER

DEAR DOWN: No, there isn't. But you could stop inviting this particular couple. If you are asked about it, all you have to say is that you grew tired of their constant criticism, which put a damper on the events.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is married with two children and, so far, she's happy with a wonderful husband and a beautiful home. My concern -- or curiosity -- is that they have hung professionally done photos of themselves, their kids, their friends and candid images from their wedding in many of the rooms on the first floor, but there are none of my husband and me or the other grandparents. Every Christmas we receive another framed family photo of them. What would you think if we gifted them a lovely portrait of us? -- UNSEEN IN MINNESOTA

DEAR UNSEEN: I think it's worth a try, but don't be offended if they don't display it. They appear to be so centered on their nuclear family that there isn't room for anyone else in their picture-perfect house.

DEAR READERS: Time flies! Daylight saving time ends at 2 a.m. Sunday. Don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour at bedtime tonight. And while you're at it, be sure to put fresh batteries in your fire alarms and smoke detectors. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My dear friend "Rose's" husband died five years ago, and since then she has struggled with grief and loneliness. She immersed herself in her church, friends and family. We usually talked three to five times per week and we traveled together.

Rose decided to explore online dating. She met a man and her entire life changed. She has become totally involved, dependent, isolated and controlled. He wants nothing to do with any of her family, friends or church family. Rose has ceased all communication with others. In two months' time she bought a life insurance policy, moved in with him and sold her house. No one knows her address or contact information. She has deleted her friends from Facebook and has ceased all communication with her family.

If asked, I believe she would say she's happy. Meanwhile, we are left saddened, shocked and angry. Must we simply accept her lifestyle choice and move on? -- BAFFLED IN IOWA

DEAR BAFFLED: Your friend appears to have become involved with a man who is more than a little controlling. That she would buy a life insurance policy, sell her house (!) and move in with him within the space of two months is, frankly, shocking.

That said, however, Rose is an adult and has the right to make her own decisions, although it would have been immeasurably better had she run this scenario by an attorney or other trusted adviser before jumping in to the extent she has. If it's any comfort to you, although you no longer have her contact information, I am sure she knows how to reach you and her family if she feels the need.

DEAR ABBY: I've been divorced for 18 years. My sister is also divorced. Recently, she has been going out with my ex. He picks her up at our parents' house, where she has been living. When I'm there, I have to see this. My parents don't say anything to her about it, and I don't know why. When I was married to him, they always told me they disliked him. So now that their other daughter associates with him, they are keeping silent?

This bothers me so much I no longer speak to her. I feel she has backstabbed me and cares only about herself. How do I make it through this? It haunts me. I need your opinion. Can you help? -- HURTING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR HURTING: It has been nearly two decades since you and your ex-husband parted ways. Surely your family has been aware of the reasons for it. That your sister exercises such poor judgment that she would become involved with him is sad.

While I understand why you are less than thrilled by this, rest assured your sister will learn her lesson sooner or later. A way to get through this would be to spend less time at your parents' house and schedule an appointment with a psychotherapist to help you deal with your pain.

DEAR ABBY: I have been raising my daughter's first child. "Joey" is 10, and he has been living with my husband and me full time for four years. I love him very much and enjoy being his "mom," but I'm not good at helping him with homework. My daughter doesn't have time for him. She has two other kids with a different dad. The stepdad has no desire to be a dad to Joey.

I am Joey's everything. My life revolves around him. But, Abby, at 52, I feel I have earned the right to do as I want at this time in my life. I feel I would be punishing Joey if I gave him back to his mom to raise. His biological father is not in his life, although the paternal grandparents are in contact with him. Your thoughts on this situation? -- LIKE A MOM IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR LIKE A MOM: Gladly. When Joey is 18, you will be 60. That is not over the hill. Please do not give up on your grandson at this point. As you stated, you are "everything" to him, and in this case, it is literally true. Joey's paternal grandparents did a terrible job raising their irresponsible son. Would you really consider turning Joey over to them to mess up? Stay the course!

DEAR ABBY: My husband has cerebral palsy. He can talk, but his speech is slightly slurred. He can walk, but he's unsteady on his feet. We love to go out and have a few drinks, but the issue is that people think he is intoxicated. We have been thrown out of places. We were almost thrown out of a ride-share service until I told the driver he has a disability. We were at a concert going up the steps (I was holding beers), and everyone stared at him thinking he was drunk. Do you have any advice (short of putting up a sign that he is disabled)? -- SOCIAL SPOUSE

DEAR SPOUSE: Your husband should not have to display a sign. When you go to a bar or a restaurant, inform the manager or the bartender as soon as you enter that your husband has a disability that affects his balance. While it won't work in large crowds such as at a concert, it should save you and your husband from any misunderstandings in smaller venues.

DEAR ABBY: One of the last times we hung out, a friend made a comment about my size. She said, "I shouldn't complain about my weight gain. I'm smaller than you." It was really rude. I thought about that comment and how to approach it for a week, and when I saw her next, I asked her to not bring up my size when she complains about hers.

Instead of apologizing, she spent 15 minutes justifying what she said. But there was no real justification. Since then, I have avoided her. She keeps reaching out and asking to spend time with me, but at this point, I don't feel I should. What would you do? -- OFFENDED IN HAWAII

DEAR OFFENDED: I would tell her no, and I would tell her in no uncertain terms exactly why.