DEAR ABBY: I am an out gay Black man. Several weeks ago, the man I have had a crush on told me he's now in a relationship. While I'm happy for him, I can't help feeling somewhat resentful because I wanted to be with him. I haven't dated anyone since my last relationship ended seven years ago. I have now distanced myself and limit myself to interactions and observations of his relationship on social media and in person, while also focusing on my own goals and aspirations. I haven't messaged him since he expressed that he's in a relationship.

Since that time, I have registered for the Law School Admission Test, started working part time as a coach helping students with ADHD strengthen their writing skills, and volunteer to teach web development to K-5 students. Normally, a relationship isn't a necessity for my survival, given that I have focused solely on my career and educational goals over the past several years.

My question is: Is it worth holding onto these feelings I have for him, or should I move on? During our last conversation, he told me that if he ever finds himself single again, he would like to take me on a date. -- SINGLE IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR SINGLE: You are doing all of the right things. You have a wonderful future ahead of you if you continue pointing yourself in that direction. I admire you for keeping busy by trying to help others achieve their goals. Whomever you wind up with will be getting a winner. The time has come to begin taking care of your emotional self. The last thing you need is to pine away hoping someone's romance will end so he'll ask you out. On the course you are on, you will meet Mr. Right, someone who is as dynamic as you.

DEAR ABBY: My late brother's only child and her husband and 2-year-old baby want to come from the West Coast to the Midwest for 11 days during Thanksgiving. They would have to stay with my 87-year-old mother, who uses a walker and was recently in the hospital and rehab facility after surgery. I would like them to wait until spring when she's feeling stronger. The baby will be less needy by then and crying less often.

I don't want them to think we don't want them to visit, but it's entirely too much for my mom. I don't have room for them to stay with me, and they can't afford a hotel. I don't want to hurt my niece's feelings, but this visit would set Mom back. Her routine is important to her. When they visited less than a year ago, they stayed a week and it wore her out. Now she's even less physically able to host. Help me, please. -- NIXING IT IN OHIO

DEAR NIXING IT: Talk to your mother about this and explain your concerns. The decision about whether the visit will be too much for her should be hers. If she's reluctant to discourage the visit from her grandchild at this time, offer to deliver the message for her. However, unless you are the person who usually directs traffic in your family (there is always someone), the message should come from her.

DEAR ABBY: For my 50th birthday 10 years ago, my father, with whom I have had a tumultuous relationship, gave me cherished rings as gifts. One was my grandmother's and the other was my grandfather's, both of whom are deceased. This was at a time when we were in a good place, and it meant the world to me that he thought enough of me to give them to me. They were the only things I had of his parents.

During COVID, I called Dad to check on him and my stepmom. He quickly turned the conversation to politics, a topic I have asked repeatedly over the years that we avoid. The conversation grew heated, and he hung up on me. A month later, he texted me asking me to return his father's ring. I have always gotten along with my stepmom, but now she's on me to return it, too. She says the ring should go to my cousin "Gavin" because he is the male grandchild, and that I can keep my grandmother's ring. So Dad wants to take back a gift he gave me and give it to someone else.

I have no ill will toward Gavin, but my dad specifically told me years ago he didn't want Gavin to have the rings because he had previously sold some family heirlooms he was given. Abby, Dad's request for the ring seems more like a punishment for our argument than any sentimental feelings about his father. Am I crazy for thinking that once you give someone a gift you don't have the right to ask for it back? -- RING OF FIRE IN FLORIDA

DEAR RING: Yes, once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient to do with as she (or he) wishes. However, in this case, I think you should return your grandfather's ring to your dad. How much pleasure will it give you if you keep it, knowing your father had changed his mind about giving it to you? Because it is now "tarnished," I suspect there would be very little.

DEAR ABBY: While visiting a family member after the death of their loved one, I was informed that instead of grieving, they sat around and talked about me. I was told they claimed I hadn't visited family members to help them grieve, when in fact, I was there every day.

I'm fed up with everyone and everything at this point in my life. I'm a 45-year-old woman and they have talked about me for 40 years. I love my family, but enough is enough. I have been holding on to things that have caused damage to me physically and mentally. My son has been on the receiving end of this, too, and I don't want him to go through what I have. What do I need to do? -- MISUNDERSTOOD IN GEORGIA

DEAR MISUNDERSTOOD: Who told you your relatives had accused you of not bothering to show up when, in fact, you did? Do not fume quietly about this. In your situation, I would talk to the family about what I was told and ask if it is true, because it may not be. Depending on their response, you can then decide whether to distance yourself -- and your son -- from them.

DEAR ABBY: I have two sons, 18 and 20. Since they were young, whenever we invited one of their friends to join us for an activity, dinner, etc., I have treated that friend. Over the past few years, we have included one friend in more activities as well as on numerous family vacations.

The problem is, the more we have treated this friend, the more he has expected. For example, during our last weeklong vacation, he expected us to pay not only for every meal, but also every little incidental. When he was once asked for $10 by a vendor, he immediately complained. (It was for a short safety class so he could jet ski as our guest.)

Before he was 18, his parents sent money to help cover expenses, but now I cover it all. This would be a lot easier to accept if he even once said "thank you" or seemed appreciative. Aside from this, he's a pleasant, respectful 19-year-old who has been my sons' friend for almost 10 years.

Should I say something to him? Should I ask if he enjoys our trips and activities and if he can cover some of his own expenses? It is easily financially feasible. I don't want to risk my sons' friendship, but I feel the situation has gotten out of hand. -- NOT AN ATM IN THE SOUTH

DEAR NOT AN ATM: You mentioned this young man's parents stopped reimbursing you for their son's expenses when he turned 18. What other things do they expect him to start shouldering responsibility for? You have been more than generous by continuing to subsidize him.

Because you are uncomfortable with the situation, a conversation is overdue about how these things should be handled in the future. Be sure to let him know that he is always welcome, but now he is an adult and some ground rules need to be set. And since your son's friend seems not to have mastered the words "thank you," it would be a kindness to remind him how important they are.

DEAR ABBY: Is there a sensitive and appropriate way to suggest to my mother that she would benefit from therapy? Our family has suffered from generational abuse. After years of therapy, I've been able to stop that cycle, and my children have grown up in a loving, non-abusive household. However, my mother holds on to unhealthy behaviors. She can be quite mean to family, and it makes me not want to be around her. My kids aren't close to her because I limit their exposure to her.

I'd love to have a healthy relationship with my mother, but I know it isn't possible until she gets some help. Is there a way to tell her I think she'd be happier and healthier and we'd have a better relationship if she went to therapy? Or must I just accept that this is my mother and leave it be? -- HELPED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR HELPED: Tell your mother you would like to have a closer relationship with her, but something is holding you back. Rather than say she could benefit from therapy, suggest that if the two of you could get some family therapy together, it might be helpful. Explain that talking with someone was enormously helpful for you and your family. If you approach the subject obliquely rather than head-on, she might be willing -- IF she's interested in a closer relationship with you. If she's unwilling or defensive, you will have to accept the status quo.