DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, I started a long-distance relationship with a widower. His wife died four years ago. He told me he slept on the couch a long time and got very little sleep after her death, because he couldn't stand sleeping alone. He has two dogs and had never allowed them on the bed. He finally decided to try sleeping in the bed with the dogs, and was then able to sleep.
I have visited him several times, and he doesn't want to sleep with me. We have discussed marriage. When I told him I want us to sleep together, he said he wants us to continue sleeping in separate rooms/beds after we are married. I don't want that. We have a great relationship except for this.
Am I being unreasonable? I feel like I'd be taking second place to his dogs, and I'm hurt that he would rather sleep with them. I told him how I feel, but he doesn't want to compromise. I don't know if I am wasting my time with him or not. I'm afraid if I insist on it, he will think I am being too pushy and break off our relationship. -- GOING TO THE DOGS
DEAR GOING: Could it be that he doesn't want another woman sleeping in the bed he shared with his late wife? Ask him that question. If that's his problem, buying a new bed would solve it. However, if it isn't and being forced to sleep separately would feel personally demeaning, then this isn't the man for you.
P.S. When a couple is discussing marriage, NO question should be considered "too pushy."