DEAR ABBY: A childhood friend, "Brenda," moved away 20 years ago. Even though we were living across the country from each other, we remained close.

About 10 years ago, I lost my 9-month-old nephew to cancer. It was extremely traumatic for our whole family. His death occurred around the time Brenda and her family were visiting her parents here in town, so I notified them about the wake and funeral arrangements. Abby, they never showed. I was heartbroken and didn't talk to Brenda for a few months. After she apologized many times, I started to talk to her.

A few years later, Brenda's mother passed away. I was there for her and her family from start to finish, and when she was sick, I would take her mom to doctor appointments. Last year my mother died after a brief illness, and I again let my friend know. Again, she was a no-show. Money was not a problem for plane tickets for other things, but too expensive for me to have the comfort of a supposed "best" friend.

Should I ignore this again or let the relationship fizzle out? I'm hurt and have expressed this to her. She says she's sorry, but nothing changes. -- DISAPPOINTED IN NEW YORK

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. It's time you reevaluated your relationship with Brenda. You may be her best friend, but she is clearly not yours. A best friend is someone you can depend on. When the chips are down, Brenda has been absent. If you wish to keep her as a friend, do so, but with the understanding of her significant limitations.

DEAR ABBY: I am finalizing the guest list for my wedding and face a dilemma. A casual but long-term friend of ours is the ex-boyfriend of my maid of honor. The two are still friends and see each other occasionally, so there is no issue there. The issue is whether or not to invite his live-in girlfriend. I know typical wedding etiquette usually includes significant others, but in this case?

First off, we barely know her. Most of the time when our friend comes to our house, she doesn't come along. When we visit his house, she's gone or seems to avoid us. We're having a small backyard wedding, and the ex-girlfriend and the new girlfriend have never met. Is it necessary to invite her? I want to be respectful, but it seems complicated for everyone involved, and I'd rather not have it detract from the day for my maid of honor. -- BRIDE-TO-BE IN OREGON

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: Not knowing the ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend, I can't offer insight into why she seems standoffish. It may be that she's socially awkward and not comfortable with people she doesn't know. To exclude the live-in girlfriend would be not only disrespectful to her, but also to her boyfriend. I don't advise doing it because you could create long-lasting hurt feelings and ill will.

DEAR ABBY: I have known my husband my whole life. We have been married 20 years and have three teenage children. Last year, I caught him cheating. Turned out he had been with someone for seven years. Our children and I were devastated, and he swore up and down he'd never do it again.

I am occasionally triggered by things I see, things he says or does, or things I know he has done with her. When it happens, I usually bring up the affair again. He can't stand that I do. He says we have to put it in the past and work on our marriage. I told him this may be easy for him to do, but I'm not that kind of person. I tend to overanalyze and dwell on things.

We have been to marriage counseling, and I was grateful for that because he was always against it. It helped somewhat. I need to know how to stop bringing up these matters because it is ruining my health and our marriage. I love him very much.

One more point: I'm insecure because he is in the military and due to be deployed for a year. I'm afraid he may go online and start talking to someone. He swears he won't do this to me again and he's so sorry for what he did. Please advise. -- TOTALLY LOST IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR TOTALLY LOST: I'm glad counseling helped you and your husband through the rough patch. Now it's time for some more -- for you, to help you cope with your insecurity issues. Making yourself crazy over what he "might" do during his year of deployment isn't helping you or the state of your marriage. You have to make a decision about whether to trust your husband -- and then proceed from there.

DEAR ABBY: An acquaintance from 40 years ago contacted me three years ago after, he claims, searching for and finding me on social media. We have been speaking on and off since then, but he's now calling every day (sometimes twice a day) saying he's making travel plans to come see me. He lives in Canada; I'm in Massachusetts.

Way back when, he begged me to sleep with him, knowing I was dating his best friend. His friend was out of town at the time. Shocked and blindsided, I caved under his pressure and acquiesced, and then slept with him a second time. My boyfriend was still overseas, and I couldn't tell if he had any intention of returning.

This acquaintance has yet to send me even a thorn, much less petal from a rose during the past three years and has ghosted me a number of times. Should I entertain the idea of seeing him, let alone think there could be anything more? I'm divorced, my children are grown and I haven't enjoyed any male company for the last 14 years. All this time I've just been tending to my family. -- DESIRING MORE THAN CYBERLOVE

DEAR DESIRING MORE: You may be lonely, but please, start thinking rationally. For your own sake, do not become further involved with a man who would seduce a woman who is dating his friend and who has ghosted you "a number of times" in the last few years. During the periods in which you have been ghosted and lonely, it appears he has been very busy! This person is not to be trusted with your heart or anything else.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 12 years and our relationship has started to suffer. We no longer have dates, we don't spend any time talking with each other unless it's about the kids, and the intimacy has faded.

A year ago, I asked him to go to a counselor with me. I asked him to be the one to set it up, as I'm always in charge of doctor appointments, bill paying, etc. I wanted him to show he was "all in" to help fix our marriage. I have reminded him to do it several times, but he hasn't.

He claims to love me and to want our marriage to thrive, yet he does nothing. Now that the intimacy is completely gone, he all of a sudden wants to work on things. Go figure. I feel hurt and rejected and like throwing in the towel, but we have built a life together and I do love him. I don't think therapy will work because I'll feel like I manipulated him to get there by withholding the intimacy.

I feel sad and defeated. The man I married is gone, replaced by this person who is just going through the motions and using me to take care of his kids and clean his house. Please advise. -- ON HOLD IN ARKANSAS

DEAR ON HOLD: Ask your doctor for a referral to a psychologist and make an appointment -- for yourself -- for help rebuilding your sagging self-esteem. Because you long ago assumed the role of organizer-arranger in your marriage, it was unrealistic to expect your husband to suddenly pick up the ball. He may not know how. Once you are stronger emotionally, schedule those sessions with a licensed marriage and family therapist, as you have all the other appointments during your marriage. Your relationship with your husband does need work, and this is the path to repairing it.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have a child together. I'm 31, and he's 16 years older. Sometimes I don't know if our relationship will work out in the long run because he's so stubborn and set in his ways. I'm more laid-back and easygoing.

What is bothering me the most right now is his mother constantly asks him for money. It's not just for little things; it's for roof and furnace repair and problems with her water heater, washer/dryer, stove and A/C. She's married, and her husband works. He should be able to provide her with the things they need for their house.

It's not like my fiance is rich. He isn't. I have tried talking to him about it, but it just ends up in an explosive argument. It's like, why should I even try to save for our family's future and the things we need for our house if he's going to keep giving it to his mother every time she asks? Please help. -- ALL FOR MAMA

DEAR ALL: You wrote that you are trying to save for your family's future. Is your fiance giving his mother money that you have been earning, or is it his? If it is his, he can do with it as he pleases -- at least until after the wedding. If he is fiscally responsible, he should also be trying to save for the future. However, if he isn't, recognize that the pattern he has established may not be a sound one for you and your child, and plan accordingly.