DEAR ABBY: My elderly mother spent her entire adult life spending her men's money, and now she has morphed into an entitled, self-absorbed and vapid woman. She blew through her inheritance years ago with no regard for future needs. I have now moved her into senior housing near me. She wants to make friends, but the problem is that she thinks she's better than everyone. She criticizes people's dress and perceived social status. Although she looks like a frail old lady, she's in denial. She also has bouts of crying and irrational concerns and demands.

Abby, my mother has a roof over her head she can afford, food, access to health care and family nearby. She's just used to the constant go-go-go of her former country club life (which she never paid for). I'm recently retired, and her manipulations and the effect she could have on my marriage have me stressed-out. Please advise. -- STUCK IN THE MUCK

DEAR STUCK: You are a caring, if frustrated, son. You mentioned that your mother has spent her entire adult life indulging herself and living the "country club life." Change at any age can be difficult, but as people age, they can become less resilient, which is more of a challenge. I can understand why your mother might sometimes shed tears over her changed status and even be in denial about it. You didn't mention how much freedom she has now, but she may have too much idle time on her hands. If she can't find things in common with her neighbors, perhaps she could make friends volunteering for some of the charities or activities in the community. You would be doing her a favor to suggest it. However, if her crying spells increase, she might benefit from being screened for depression by a medical professional.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a mostly online relationship with a man for years. He is a musician, and we met after one of his shows. We live a thousand miles apart and, since COVID shut the world down, we have seen each other only twice. We love each other very much and have developed our relationship via texting constantly. My problem is I'm not a wealthy woman, but I have been sending him more than $1,000 a month all this time so he can post his music on various websites. I'm not entirely comfortable with this. I have a strong aversion to being used, which is what it sometimes feels like. What do you think I should do? -- OUT OF TUNE IN DELAWARE

DEAR OUT OF TUNE: Listen to your intuition. Tell the musician you love him very much, but you will have to stop sending him money because you can no longer afford it. It happens to be the truth. How he behaves in the months that follow your announcement will show if he is on the level or if you have been used.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my 45-year-old boyfriend, "Doug," for six years. His mother, who was widowed five years ago, has moved here to Florida from New Jersey. Doug is very protective of her, which I kind of understand because she's 63. The kicker is, she has started flashing her breasts at us. I'm pretty sure she does it to Doug when I'm not around as well. I have mentioned to him multiple times about how disturbing it is, but he brushes it off and refuses to confront her. We have adult children, and she recently went into the pool with all of them with nothing on. It is starting to worry me. I don't want to be the one to confront her because it will get ugly. -- FLASHED IN FLORIDA

DEAR FLASHED: Has Doug's mother always been a "free spirit" who thinks flashing and skinny-dipping are amusing, or is her exhibitionistic behavior something new? If she has always been this way, someone should point out that what she's doing is inappropriate unless it's clear that nobody minds. In this case, you mind, and I wouldn't be surprised if your adult children were also less than enthusiastic about the woman's performance. If her exhibitionism is something new, then she should be evaluated, first by a doctor who specializes in geriatric patients and, if necessary, referred to one who specializes in geriatric psychiatry.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 36 years. Ask anyone who knows us, and they'll say we are the perfect couple -- no major issues, loving, trusting, etc. I was diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia three years ago, and my wife has been a godsend. I couldn't ask for a better partner.

The other day I overheard her on the phone, and something she said caught my attention. When I asked her about it, she confessed that she had cheated. She said it had happened two or three times, two or three years ago with her first boyfriend from college. He had contacted her to get together for coffee, and he kissed her. The next time he came to our town, they met at his hotel room and had sex. Abby, I am devastated, but there is nothing I can do. I am 50% dependent on her, and it will only increase. She said I can ask her anything at all, and she will answer me honestly. I haven't yet, because I'm still in shock. Please help me figure out what to do. -- FEW OPTIONS IN NEVADA

DEAR FEW OPTIONS: I can only imagine how hurt you must be, and for that you have my sympathy. Because you need your wife to care for you during the course of your illness, the most obvious thing I can suggest is that you not ask her these kinds of questions. Her infidelity may have happened because she was devastated by the medical diagnosis you had just received. The healthiest thing for both of you would be to respect her for her honesty and forgive her for her moments of weakness.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman who, a little while ago, got a girlfriend, "Darlene." After meeting her, I thought that was what love felt like. But my old (bisexual) friend "Michelle" has me feeling differently. I have known her since kindergarten, but recently I feel my heart racing and butterflies in my stomach just thinking about her. When Michelle does my nails and holds my hand to steady them, my knees feel weak. I do not feel this way with Darlene, although I still care deeply about her. I don't want to hurt her feelings by breaking up with her, but I think that if I were single, Michelle might consider going out with me. Darlene's feelings are extremely sensitive, and I want to keep her as a friend. But just being around Michelle has me feeling happier than ever. Abby, this is driving me insane. Do I risk hurting someone's feelings, or should I stay with Darlene and miss out on being with someone I am in love with? Am I a bad girlfriend just by thinking of this? -- LOVESTRUCK IN ALASKA

DEAR LOVESTRUCK: Your feelings are your feelings. You are not a "bad" girlfriend; you are a girlfriend who is ready to break up with Darlene. Before making any announcements, verify with Michelle that your feelings are reciprocated. If they are, then you must tell Darlene you want to see other people. Count on her being hurt and probably angry, so be as gentle as you can when you give her the news. It will be doing all three of you a favor. Breakups, while painful, are a fact of life. People do recover, and Darlene will be free to find someone who will love her the way she deserves to be loved.

DEAR ABBY: My younger sister, "Tish," is adamant about getting our parents' affairs in order. They are in their 80s and in excellent physical and mental health except for osteo-related issues. Tish's constant reminders are making them feel she is rushing them to the grave. My siblings and I appreciate her intentions and support her efforts to get our parents to finalize their trust arrangements, but it's reached a point where she wants to start selling their belongings and is secretly throwing things away. Tish spends a lot of time looking at memorabilia and telling them who certain items should be given to. We are unable to control her, and she gets belligerent if we disagree with her vision of how things should be handled. Should I be thankful for what she's doing and try to convince my parents it's a lot less for them to worry about? I don't want to be "that" family member, but I am afraid I'm becoming such. -- LOOKING ON IN TEXAS

DEAR LOOKING ON: Your parents are fortunate that they are in great health, but they should also realize what inevitably lies ahead. You would be doing the whole family a favor if you pointed out to them that because Tish becomes angry and belligerent if someone disagrees with her, they need to talk to an attorney who specializes in estate planning, which will prevent conflict after their eventual passing. After that, the ball is in their court.