DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman who, a little while ago, got a girlfriend, "Darlene." After meeting her, I thought that was what love felt like. But my old (bisexual) friend "Michelle" has me feeling differently. I have known her since kindergarten, but recently I feel my heart racing and butterflies in my stomach just thinking about her. When Michelle does my nails and holds my hand to steady them, my knees feel weak. I do not feel this way with Darlene, although I still care deeply about her. I don't want to hurt her feelings by breaking up with her, but I think that if I were single, Michelle might consider going out with me. Darlene's feelings are extremely sensitive, and I want to keep her as a friend. But just being around Michelle has me feeling happier than ever. Abby, this is driving me insane. Do I risk hurting someone's feelings, or should I stay with Darlene and miss out on being with someone I am in love with? Am I a bad girlfriend just by thinking of this? -- LOVESTRUCK IN ALASKA

DEAR LOVESTRUCK: Your feelings are your feelings. You are not a "bad" girlfriend; you are a girlfriend who is ready to break up with Darlene. Before making any announcements, verify with Michelle that your feelings are reciprocated. If they are, then you must tell Darlene you want to see other people. Count on her being hurt and probably angry, so be as gentle as you can when you give her the news. It will be doing all three of you a favor. Breakups, while painful, are a fact of life. People do recover, and Darlene will be free to find someone who will love her the way she deserves to be loved.

DEAR ABBY: My younger sister, "Tish," is adamant about getting our parents' affairs in order. They are in their 80s and in excellent physical and mental health except for osteo-related issues. Tish's constant reminders are making them feel she is rushing them to the grave. My siblings and I appreciate her intentions and support her efforts to get our parents to finalize their trust arrangements, but it's reached a point where she wants to start selling their belongings and is secretly throwing things away. Tish spends a lot of time looking at memorabilia and telling them who certain items should be given to. We are unable to control her, and she gets belligerent if we disagree with her vision of how things should be handled. Should I be thankful for what she's doing and try to convince my parents it's a lot less for them to worry about? I don't want to be "that" family member, but I am afraid I'm becoming such. -- LOOKING ON IN TEXAS

DEAR LOOKING ON: Your parents are fortunate that they are in great health, but they should also realize what inevitably lies ahead. You would be doing the whole family a favor if you pointed out to them that because Tish becomes angry and belligerent if someone disagrees with her, they need to talk to an attorney who specializes in estate planning, which will prevent conflict after their eventual passing. After that, the ball is in their court.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in what feels like a war with my grandmother. She always took care of me and my younger brother and sister. She was there when we couldn't be with our parents. For a long time, I was troubled and into addiction. I admit I lost sight of who I really was. I had two sons I didn't raise, but now that I'm back and a year and three months clean, I'm enjoying spending my time with the son I'm still in contact with. I have always lived with my grandmother.

Now that I'm taking control of my life and reaching the point where I'm ready to move away with my son, she's fighting me. She has many bad things to say about my past and a lot of things to throw in my face. After all this time, I thought she would be happy for me. Instead, I am encountering outright disrespect and ugliness. I have always known my grandmother could be hateful, but now it's turned up to full volume. Am I wrong for wanting to be with my son? I'm tired of crying all the time over this. -- BREAKING THE CYCLE

DEAR BREAKING: Because of your history, your grandmother may be fearful for the welfare of her great-grandson. However, if you are clean, sober and capable of caring for yourself and your child without her assistance, then it's time to graduate to independence. Tell your grandmother you love her and are grateful for all of the care she has given you. Then proceed with the move without burning any bridges, if that's possible.

DEAR ABBY: I have had a friend for 30 years whom I have helped with advice and money many times. He is often rude and short-tempered. I never expected anything in return, but I have often had to turn the other cheek because of his behavior. Recently he had a collection of auto parts he was going to sell. When I asked if I could buy a few of them, he refused because he wanted to sell the parts as a group. I was disappointed. It was the first time in 30 years I had asked him for a favor but, again, I turned the other cheek.

I recently learned that he gave away all the auto parts for free to his neighbors. I asked him about it but didn't want to make a big deal out of it because I didn't want an argument. He shrugged it off like it was nothing. I was shocked because he always has financial problems, so giving the parts away for free instead of selling a few to me was baffling. Should I overlook this or is it time to end the friendship? -- DISAPPOINTED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: The person you have described is not, and never was, your friend. He refused to let you buy the auto parts because he wanted to charge you more for the whole kit and caboodle. When there were no other takers, he dumped them on whoever would take them. You have been a supportive friend, and your reward was being treated rudely. By all means, end this one-way arrangement. The next time he asks you for something -- and he will -- feel free to refuse.

DEAR ABBY: I recently made some unflattering comments about my daughter-in-law to my son. They were recorded on their Ring doorbell. Now she's angry with me and my son, and I'm not sure I will ever see the grandchildren again. When I emailed her an apology, she said she didn't know if she could ever forgive me. She will see my husband, but I am not allowed over there if she will be around.

Any words of wisdom as to what to do? We have always helped them out with the children and sometimes financially. Should my husband tell her if I'm not welcome, then he feels the same way? I know he feels caught in the middle between me and the whole situation. -- MESSED UP IN ILLINOIS

DEAR MESSED UP: You have learned the hard way that in our technological society, privacy is history. I do not feel it would be helpful to threaten your son and daughter-in-law by withholding your husband from interacting with them and the grandkids. What you should do is apologize again to your daughter-in-law for your critical and unkind comments. Repeatedly, if necessary. Then hope she can find it in her heart to forgive you.

DEAR ABBY: Regarding "Nurturer in New York" (April 28), the disabled woman who wants a dog, please suggest she foster. I'm the founder of a shelter dog rescue and transport organization. We cannot save lives without our fosters! Fostering gives people looking to adopt the opportunity to possibly meet their perfect dog. It also gives dogs the chance to live in a home and learn the skills they will need to become cherished, beloved members of a human family.

Even if the dog(s) she fosters may not be the one(s) for her, she will still be able to enjoy their companionship and feel good knowing she's provided a stepping-stone for homeless pets on their way to forever homes. Most shelters and rescues allow foster families to choose the type of pets they wish to take in.

I also loved your suggestion that she consider an older dog. Senior pets are often overlooked in shelters and are happier and more comfortable in a home setting. -- PET PERSON IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR PET PERSON: Thank you for writing to comment. Many readers responded to that letter by recommending fostering. One, from Washington state, mentioned "seniors for seniors" programs in which a senior pet is matched with an appropriate senior citizen, with ongoing assistance. While "permanent fosters" allow the animal to be placed with a person, the shelter retains "ownership" of the pet and is responsible for the vet bills. This is a worthwhile program for someone who may have the time and love for an animal but not the resources, and it helps get older pets out of the shelters.