DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wife for 32 years. I love her dearly. Recently, though, her smoking has been really bothering me. Her father passed away from COPD five years ago because he was a lifetime smoker. I thought that would convince her to stop. She has tried, but she always goes back.

She tries to cover it up by making frequent trips to the store and other places to get out of sight to smoke. It infuriates me that she would lie, but she doesn't seem to have a problem with it at all. It makes me wonder what else she's been lying about.

My biggest concern, obviously, is that her health problems are increasing -- frequent colds (she blames "allergies"), coughing while she sleeps, snoring terribly. We now sleep in separate beds at times just so I can get some sleep. When I bring up the subject of quitting, she gets defensive. Her mother will no longer talk to her about it, and she wants her to quit even more than I do.

As my wife goes down this road, I'm becoming less attracted to her. We don't talk much anymore when we are by ourselves. We once went to a marriage counselor who agreed with me on the subject of quitting, but my wife blew it off. I'm near my limit and thinking of ending our marriage. How can I get through to her without a messy divorce? -- END OF MY ROPE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR END: By now it should be obvious that your wife is displaying classic symptoms of an addict. This is something she may have inherited from her father. She has a serious medical (and possibly psychological) problem because she cannot quit on her own. If she's even interested in doing so, which I doubt, she will need professional help. Nicotine patches and gum could aid her in cutting back, but a psychological component will still need to be addressed.

Interestingly, you didn't mention the effect (besides revulsion) her secondhand smoke is having on you. This is something you should address with your doctor. Once you have done that, offer your wife the option of treatment. However, if she refuses, you will have to decide whether to consult a lawyer.

DEAR ABBY: What advice would you give to one who thinks about and, quite frankly, is still in love with his high school sweetheart? We never got married. I never married anyone, and our 50th year high school reunion is coming up next year. I talked with her recently over the phone, and she's also going to the reunion. We're both looking forward to seeing each other again.

Do you think age plays a big part in how a person should view things? That is, I've seen a photo of her, and while it's very different from how she looked in high school, I still feel the same about her and want to spend the rest of my life with her. What's your advice? -- STILL SMITTEN IN IDAHO

DEAR SMITTEN: My advice is to keep talking to your old flame, see if she's currently attached and whether she feels the same way about you. If the answer is yes, attending the reunion will let you begin to know her all over again before taking the next step. Time can be a great advantage because you both are mature adults now and, hopefully, less impulsive than you were during your teens. I wish you luck as you revisit this with her.

DEAR ABBY: A co-worker has been stricken with multiple stage-4 cancers. We all have been compassionate and caring, supporting him through the challenges of treatment and the side effects. His condition is terminal, in the final stage and deteriorating rapidly. He does have a supportive family, but we don't have the heart to send him home and take away the only thing that gives him his reason to live -- his work. So we spend our time providing hospice care, something none of us have any training for.

Our work environment has become increasingly stressful and anxious, and it's overflowing onto our friends and families, not to mention the toll it has taken on our company. I need to make a choice -- to place my family and my well-being first, take a leave of absence and abandon my co-workers, or stay in support and have a front-row seat to the imminent passing. -- 911 ON SPEED DIAL

DEAR 911: This is something you should discuss with your employer. Neither you nor your co-workers are trained caregivers, and no one should be administering medical care because of possible liability to the company.

You are obviously a sensitive and caring person. However, if the situation has become more stressful than you can manage, it's time to take a step back. To do so isn't "abandoning" anyone; it is looking after your own mental health so you can provide for your family.

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced when I was a small child. My father remarried when I was 10, and I loved my stepmother dearly. She died in 1994 after 27 years of marriage. Daddy then met another lovely woman I'll call "Eileen," whom he dated for many years. By this time, I was nearly 40 and living 1,000 miles away from them. He eventually moved in with her, but they didn't actually marry until 2018. Eileen is only 13 years older than I am, so I have always thought of her as "my father's third wife," not "my stepmother."

Daddy died last year, and I'm not sure how much of a relationship I want to maintain with Eileen, or how to refer to her when I have occasion to introduce her to someone. She was extraordinarily good to my father (better than he deserved, I might add), and I'm grateful for that, but the link that tied us is now gone.

She's coming to visit soon. Introducing her to my friends as "Dad's third wife" seems a bit cold, but introducing her as "my stepmother" would mischaracterize our relationship. She had no children of her own, and I don't want to give her the impression that I have bonded to her as if she were my mother. Please help. -- CHALLENGED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CHALLENGED: Treat Eileen as you would want to be treated if the situation were reversed. Introduce her warmly as "Eileen." If further clarification is needed, she is "Daddy's widow." That she is third in the line-up does not need to be mentioned. As to giving her the impression that you feel bonded to her, don't obsess over it. Your relationship with her is either warm and rewarding, or it isn't. If it is only obligatory, ask yourself why you feel the need to keep her at arm's length, and act accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: My adult granddaughter, "Lola," is in a two-year relationship with a wonderful young man and has been anticipating a proposal. During a conversation, he mentioned he would not propose to her until he has introduced her to his parents, who live in another state.

He says his mother wants him to marry a woman who has never been married or divorced and who has not had a child. Lola is divorced (due to her ex-husband's infidelity) and has a young son. This seems to her to be a no-win situation if he won't propose until she's met his parents, but he lacks the courage to introduce her to them. What is my granddaughter to do? She's so unhappy and disappointed. -- IMPOSSIBLE IN TEXAS

DEAR IMPOSSIBLE: Your granddaughter's boyfriend is a mama's boy. The decision of whom to marry should be his, not his mother's. If, after two years, he cannot summon up the courage to introduce her proudly to his parents, she should quit wasting her time with him because this romance will go no further than it already has.

DEAR ABBY: I cannot seem to get over the loss of my first husband decades ago. I still think of him often. I am still grieving our divorce and his subsequent marriage to someone I'd known for many years. They have happily gone on with their lives.

I am a widow now. My second husband was like me, dumped by his first wife, and we cobbled a life together as best we could. My problem is that I can't stop longing for my first husband. Logically, I know we'll never be together, even if he were free from his marriage to the "other woman."

How does one ever get beyond the grief from a marriage that made me feel happy, safe and loved? Do others suffer for decades? I can't seem to move past the sadness, but would like to be free of these feelings before I pass away. -- MISSING THAT LIFE

DEAR MISSING: You are stuck in a rut of your own making, grieving the loss of your first marriage because there's nothing else going on in your life to distract you. If you want to get beyond this, start finding other things to occupy your time and your thoughts. Explore special interest groups you can join and activities that will take you out into the community so you have less time alone to brood. And if that isn't enough, consider asking your doctor to refer you to a licensed mental health professional.

DEAR ABBY: The past couple of years I've given $300 to $400 in cash to my personal trainer and his therapist wife for their birthdays and Christmas. When I hand them the card, they'll thank me for the card, but I never hear another word. How do I know they just didn't throw away an unopened card? Maybe I've insulted them with the cash? Or someone pilfered it? Or is this a sign of the times? -- BITTER IN THE WEST

DEAR BITTER: The next time you hand them their cards, say, "I hope you can use what's inside to get yourself something nice or have some fun." (If you still want to continue giving them money, that is!)