DEAR ABBY: A co-worker has been stricken with multiple stage-4 cancers. We all have been compassionate and caring, supporting him through the challenges of treatment and the side effects. His condition is terminal, in the final stage and deteriorating rapidly. He does have a supportive family, but we don't have the heart to send him home and take away the only thing that gives him his reason to live -- his work. So we spend our time providing hospice care, something none of us have any training for.

Our work environment has become increasingly stressful and anxious, and it's overflowing onto our friends and families, not to mention the toll it has taken on our company. I need to make a choice -- to place my family and my well-being first, take a leave of absence and abandon my co-workers, or stay in support and have a front-row seat to the imminent passing. -- 911 ON SPEED DIAL

DEAR 911: This is something you should discuss with your employer. Neither you nor your co-workers are trained caregivers, and no one should be administering medical care because of possible liability to the company.

You are obviously a sensitive and caring person. However, if the situation has become more stressful than you can manage, it's time to take a step back. To do so isn't "abandoning" anyone; it is looking after your own mental health so you can provide for your family.

DEAR ABBY: My parents divorced when I was a small child. My father remarried when I was 10, and I loved my stepmother dearly. She died in 1994 after 27 years of marriage. Daddy then met another lovely woman I'll call "Eileen," whom he dated for many years. By this time, I was nearly 40 and living 1,000 miles away from them. He eventually moved in with her, but they didn't actually marry until 2018. Eileen is only 13 years older than I am, so I have always thought of her as "my father's third wife," not "my stepmother."

Daddy died last year, and I'm not sure how much of a relationship I want to maintain with Eileen, or how to refer to her when I have occasion to introduce her to someone. She was extraordinarily good to my father (better than he deserved, I might add), and I'm grateful for that, but the link that tied us is now gone.

She's coming to visit soon. Introducing her to my friends as "Dad's third wife" seems a bit cold, but introducing her as "my stepmother" would mischaracterize our relationship. She had no children of her own, and I don't want to give her the impression that I have bonded to her as if she were my mother. Please help. -- CHALLENGED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CHALLENGED: Treat Eileen as you would want to be treated if the situation were reversed. Introduce her warmly as "Eileen." If further clarification is needed, she is "Daddy's widow." That she is third in the line-up does not need to be mentioned. As to giving her the impression that you feel bonded to her, don't obsess over it. Your relationship with her is either warm and rewarding, or it isn't. If it is only obligatory, ask yourself why you feel the need to keep her at arm's length, and act accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: My adult granddaughter, "Lola," is in a two-year relationship with a wonderful young man and has been anticipating a proposal. During a conversation, he mentioned he would not propose to her until he has introduced her to his parents, who live in another state.

He says his mother wants him to marry a woman who has never been married or divorced and who has not had a child. Lola is divorced (due to her ex-husband's infidelity) and has a young son. This seems to her to be a no-win situation if he won't propose until she's met his parents, but he lacks the courage to introduce her to them. What is my granddaughter to do? She's so unhappy and disappointed. -- IMPOSSIBLE IN TEXAS

DEAR IMPOSSIBLE: Your granddaughter's boyfriend is a mama's boy. The decision of whom to marry should be his, not his mother's. If, after two years, he cannot summon up the courage to introduce her proudly to his parents, she should quit wasting her time with him because this romance will go no further than it already has.

DEAR ABBY: I cannot seem to get over the loss of my first husband decades ago. I still think of him often. I am still grieving our divorce and his subsequent marriage to someone I'd known for many years. They have happily gone on with their lives.

I am a widow now. My second husband was like me, dumped by his first wife, and we cobbled a life together as best we could. My problem is that I can't stop longing for my first husband. Logically, I know we'll never be together, even if he were free from his marriage to the "other woman."

How does one ever get beyond the grief from a marriage that made me feel happy, safe and loved? Do others suffer for decades? I can't seem to move past the sadness, but would like to be free of these feelings before I pass away. -- MISSING THAT LIFE

DEAR MISSING: You are stuck in a rut of your own making, grieving the loss of your first marriage because there's nothing else going on in your life to distract you. If you want to get beyond this, start finding other things to occupy your time and your thoughts. Explore special interest groups you can join and activities that will take you out into the community so you have less time alone to brood. And if that isn't enough, consider asking your doctor to refer you to a licensed mental health professional.

DEAR ABBY: The past couple of years I've given $300 to $400 in cash to my personal trainer and his therapist wife for their birthdays and Christmas. When I hand them the card, they'll thank me for the card, but I never hear another word. How do I know they just didn't throw away an unopened card? Maybe I've insulted them with the cash? Or someone pilfered it? Or is this a sign of the times? -- BITTER IN THE WEST

DEAR BITTER: The next time you hand them their cards, say, "I hope you can use what's inside to get yourself something nice or have some fun." (If you still want to continue giving them money, that is!)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband, "Jim," for three years, but we have been together for seven. It hasn't been an easy road for us. I love him, but he doesn't give me the attention or time that I want.

We have two kids we're raising from previous relationships. I didn't intentionally set out to hurt him, but three years ago, I reconnected with someone from my past I'll call "Mac." Mac and I have been off and on since reconnecting. Now I find myself not wanting to hurt either of them, but I'm in love with both of them.

I have thought about leaving Jim several times, but I can't bring myself to do it. I feel like I'm living a double life. Jim suspects that I'm talking to someone else but won't come out and ask me directly. All I want is to be happy and not hurt others in the process. Please give me some advice. -- THOROUGHLY CONFUSED IN THE EAST

DEAR THOROUGHLY CONFUSED: Your husband is already suspicious. If you think you are doing him a favor by keeping silent, you are kidding yourself. He hasn't come out and asked you directly because he may be afraid of upsetting the apple cart. This is not just a "choice" you are making between two men. There are children involved, and where will a divorce leave them?

If your problem is Jim's lack of attention, don't you think you should tell him that? He won't enjoy hearing it, but it may give him a chance to rectify the situation. After that, if he decides he is through with you, your problem will be solved and you can enjoy your big Mac.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 5-year-old daughter, "Kim," whose father is not in the picture. If that's not tough enough, I don't know his whereabouts. I haven't heard from him in a year because he has had past trouble with the law. He obviously isn't interested in being involved in her life, and I've accepted that. However, he has family members who live not far away, and they haven't made any efforts either.

My teenage son is close with Kim's father's nephews, as they have been friends since he and I dated. I have been debating whether to reach out to my ex's sisters to address their lack of involvement in Kim's life. If they want no part of it, I guess I'll have to give up trying, although it's a shame she doesn't know her family on "Dad's side."

The main reason I want to contact them is so she can get to know them or, if they choose not to, I can at least explain to her (when she's older) that I tried. Do you think it's worth it to reach out? Or should their absence confirm their lack of interest? -- UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Because you feel it's important for Kim to know that you "at least tried" reaching out to her father's side of the family, give them a call. However, it seems to me their absence is already sending a strong message that -- for whatever reason -- they prefer to keep their distance.