DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband, "Jim," for three years, but we have been together for seven. It hasn't been an easy road for us. I love him, but he doesn't give me the attention or time that I want.
We have two kids we're raising from previous relationships. I didn't intentionally set out to hurt him, but three years ago, I reconnected with someone from my past I'll call "Mac." Mac and I have been off and on since reconnecting. Now I find myself not wanting to hurt either of them, but I'm in love with both of them.
I have thought about leaving Jim several times, but I can't bring myself to do it. I feel like I'm living a double life. Jim suspects that I'm talking to someone else but won't come out and ask me directly. All I want is to be happy and not hurt others in the process. Please give me some advice. -- THOROUGHLY CONFUSED IN THE EAST
DEAR THOROUGHLY CONFUSED: Your husband is already suspicious. If you think you are doing him a favor by keeping silent, you are kidding yourself. He hasn't come out and asked you directly because he may be afraid of upsetting the apple cart. This is not just a "choice" you are making between two men. There are children involved, and where will a divorce leave them?
If your problem is Jim's lack of attention, don't you think you should tell him that? He won't enjoy hearing it, but it may give him a chance to rectify the situation. After that, if he decides he is through with you, your problem will be solved and you can enjoy your big Mac.