DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband, "Jim," for three years, but we have been together for seven. It hasn't been an easy road for us. I love him, but he doesn't give me the attention or time that I want.

We have two kids we're raising from previous relationships. I didn't intentionally set out to hurt him, but three years ago, I reconnected with someone from my past I'll call "Mac." Mac and I have been off and on since reconnecting. Now I find myself not wanting to hurt either of them, but I'm in love with both of them.

I have thought about leaving Jim several times, but I can't bring myself to do it. I feel like I'm living a double life. Jim suspects that I'm talking to someone else but won't come out and ask me directly. All I want is to be happy and not hurt others in the process. Please give me some advice. -- THOROUGHLY CONFUSED IN THE EAST

DEAR THOROUGHLY CONFUSED: Your husband is already suspicious. If you think you are doing him a favor by keeping silent, you are kidding yourself. He hasn't come out and asked you directly because he may be afraid of upsetting the apple cart. This is not just a "choice" you are making between two men. There are children involved, and where will a divorce leave them?

If your problem is Jim's lack of attention, don't you think you should tell him that? He won't enjoy hearing it, but it may give him a chance to rectify the situation. After that, if he decides he is through with you, your problem will be solved and you can enjoy your big Mac.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 5-year-old daughter, "Kim," whose father is not in the picture. If that's not tough enough, I don't know his whereabouts. I haven't heard from him in a year because he has had past trouble with the law. He obviously isn't interested in being involved in her life, and I've accepted that. However, he has family members who live not far away, and they haven't made any efforts either.

My teenage son is close with Kim's father's nephews, as they have been friends since he and I dated. I have been debating whether to reach out to my ex's sisters to address their lack of involvement in Kim's life. If they want no part of it, I guess I'll have to give up trying, although it's a shame she doesn't know her family on "Dad's side."

The main reason I want to contact them is so she can get to know them or, if they choose not to, I can at least explain to her (when she's older) that I tried. Do you think it's worth it to reach out? Or should their absence confirm their lack of interest? -- UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Because you feel it's important for Kim to know that you "at least tried" reaching out to her father's side of the family, give them a call. However, it seems to me their absence is already sending a strong message that -- for whatever reason -- they prefer to keep their distance.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband died two months ago, my identical twin helped me move in with her. She never married. I do all the chores -- clean six litter boxes, load and unload the dishwasher, etc. I don't know how to operate her washer/dryer, as she has shown me only once. She doesn't like the way I use my phone, set up files, nothing. She also drinks a lot, uses marijuana and is on a starvation diet. If I eat any carbohydrates at dinner, she accuses me of being a "glutton."

At first, she was happy I was here, because on a previous visit she said I was her drinking buddy. I don't usually care much about eating, since my sense of taste is poor. Last night, because I could taste the dinner, I ate more. She accused me of being a glutton and a parasite. She has, as far back as I can remember, always been "MY way or the highway."

I'm tempted to go live in my truck to avoid her constant sniping. I have no money, yet. She loaned me $4,500, and feels that any money I receive from now on must go directly to her. Please help me. -- UNHAPPY TWIN IN MICHIGAN

DEAR UNHAPPY: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. While moving in with your sister may have seemed like a good idea while you were in shock and the initial stages of grieving, unless you want to be her maid for the rest of your days, make other living arrangements. You are being treated like Cinderella.

Repay the loan in installments after you find a job or the estate is settled. Your sister may have always been the dominant twin, but what you are experiencing now is abuse, and for the sake of your mental health, you cannot allow it to continue.

DEAR ABBY: I had a man as a roommate for a year while he worked in town. "Rodney" was a wonderful roommate. After his lease ran out and he was transferred elsewhere, he came clean about his feelings for me. Then the pandemic happened, and he disappeared for two years.

Rodney is now back and wants to live with me part time again. This time he wants more intimacy. He's kind and helpful around the house. He's divorced, very smooth and has a residence 1,000 miles from here. I don't want to be "friends with benefits." I don't know him well enough to know if I want more. But I enjoy his company a lot. I am in my 60s and young-looking -- so why not just have a good time? I still don't want to be hurt. Any advice? -- ROOMMATE ROMANCE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ROOMMATE: Sex with you should not be part of Rodney's lease agreement. What he is proposing seems more like a business deal than an attempt to court you. If you are looking for a relationship that could lead to "something more," do not jump into this without carefully weighing the pros and cons, including the emotional risk involved. If you were willing to settle for a "good time," you wouldn't be writing to me.

DEAR ABBY: I am 66 and a 20-year widow. I live alone but have an active social life with my women friends. We live in a small town with very little to do, but we get together often to watch movies, eat out, etc. I never had children, and all my relatives have passed away. I'm the last family member left.

I'm mostly satisfied (but not happy) with my life. Everything I own is paid for, and I have enough money to last until my death. I have everything (materially) I could possibly want or need, yet I feel something vital is missing from my life. It's not religion; I am a committed Christian.

I could pay cash for anything I want, but I don't want for anything. I do volunteer work, am socially active and involved in my church. Yet, I feel empty inside. Something is definitely missing, and I can't figure it out. I realize I'm blessed, and most people would give anything to sit where I'm sitting. Do you have any ideas as to what's missing or where to go from here? Life is hard and old age isn't for sissies. -- LIVING LIFE IN TEXAS

DEAR LIVING LIFE: You may be experiencing something people call an "existential crisis," which is not uncommon. It refers to someone who wonders if his or her life has meaning or purpose. Rather than dwell on what may be missing from your life, perhaps consider spending some time reflecting on some of the positive differences you make in the lives of others.

When was the last time you helped someone feel better about herself? Have you gone out of your way to do a friend or an acquaintance a favor, or lent a willing ear to someone who needed to talk? If the answer is yes, start a journal. Write your thoughts and activities down and review it when you feel empty. If you do it for a while, it may give you a different perspective.

Discuss your feelings with your friends, some of whom have likely experienced something similar. And make 30 minutes of exercise a part of your daily routine. Exposure to sunlight can lift your mood. But if that doesn't help, schedule an appointment with your doctor to make sure everything is in order emotionally and physically.

DEAR ABBY: Whether my siblings were right, wrong or indifferent, my mom always stood up for them. Even when she knew they lied, she would look at me and say, "I have to believe them. They are my daughters." When I would ask her, "What am I?" she would restate her last comment.

Not surprisingly, my mother and I don't see eye to eye on anything, and I would never feel comfortable going to her for help or advice. She has paid for all my sisters' court costs. When I needed help as a student-teacher, she told me I would figure it out. I always did, but I can never understand why she truly didn't like me. I guess I'm asking when I should just walk away. -- READY TO CALL IT QUITS

DEAR READY: Your mother's blatant favoritism was shameful. To stick around attempting to ingratiate yourself to someone who will never give you the love or respect you deserve would be a waste of time. When should you walk away? You have my blessing to start today. I know you will find it therapeutic.