DEAR ABBY: For 50 years, I had a close career and personal friend I'll call "Ellen." She has been married a long time, but I know she and her husband have had some rocky patches. Ellen was with me through the tragic loss of my son and, six weeks later, my very ill husband. I couldn't have gotten through it without her.

After being alone for 17 years, I met a man in the construction trade. He has his own business and is a fine, intelligent, kind, considerate man. He took care of his sick wife, as I took care of my ill husband. He also lost a grandchild. He was married for 51 years; I was married for 28. We are four years apart in age and have a deep, abiding love and understanding for each other.

Abby, immediately upon meeting him, Ellen rejected him and abruptly ended our friendship! She thought, "because of my education," I should be with a lawyer or doctor. I recently married this wonderful man and let her know. No response. I was deeply hurt by her actions.

It has been six years, and I have other good friends. My husband's six children are lovely to me. Yet I remain puzzled by what Ellen did. I was so close to her, her family and her other friends. I'm not sure how she has explained my absence. Her home was a second home to me. We saw each other frequently. I regret I couldn't tell her family and friends this parting was not my choice. I may never understand this situation. Do you have any advice? -- PUZZLED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PUZZLED: As much as we might wish the opposite, not all friendships last forever. If you have described Ellen accurately, this dear friend was an elitist who judges people by a far different scale than you do. She may also have been upset that, after so many years of your depending on her, you were finally getting your emotional needs fulfilled elsewhere. I'm not a mind reader, and I have never met the woman, but, please, don't waste another minute looking backward. Enjoy the here and now and spend no more time dwelling on something you cannot change.

DEAR ABBY: When I was leaving work last Friday, I caught two co-workers in a passionate kiss. The elevator doors were just about closed, but I waved my hand and they opened back up. I averted my eyes before they realized I was there and jumped apart. Because I was in shock, I made some nervous small talk and did not acknowledge the elephant in the elevator.

My issue is they are both upper management and married to other people. I have no plans to "out" them, but I'm confused about how to interact with them going forward. I work with them on a daily basis as well as attend company parties, which their spouses usually attend. Any advice would be appreciated as my respect for them has plunged. -- SHOULD HAVE WAITED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SHOULD HAVE: This is a minefield, so tread carefully and do not say a word about what you saw to anyone. Your respect for those two may have diminished, but it is vital -- for your own sake -- that your behavior toward them remain the same as it has always been. It may take a large dose of amnesia on your part to accomplish this, but it is what I am recommending.

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old daughter, "Nadia," has been friends with another girl, "Kelly," since they were 8. Over the years, I have had my concerns about Kelly because she lies. She can also be very manipulative, and she hasn't always treated Nadia well.

Nadia and I have had numerous conversations about this friend over the years, and I have expressed my feelings about Kelly's behavior. Sometimes Nadia would acknowledge Kelly's wrongdoings; other times she'd get upset and insist I was wrong. Either way, she seemed to have great loyalty to Kelly.

Over the years, Kelly's mother, "Brittany," and I became friends and, over the last two or three, we have grown very close. I allowed it to happen because I thought Kelly had matured. Unfortunately, I was wrong. Meanwhile, Nadia has been seeing more clearly what a difficult person Kelly is and is pulling away from her.

While I'm happy Nadia has found healthier friendships, I am worried about how this may affect my friendship with Brittany. She tends to be defensive about her kids and will probably not be able to see how much her daughter has hurt Nadia over the years. Advice? -- MOM PROBLEM IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MOM: I do have some. Stay out of it. It's common for childhood friendships to wane. By now you should have realized friendships cannot be forced. All it does is breed resentment. Unless Brittany raises the subject, avoid discussing it. Cross your fingers and hope that Kelly might not even realize Nadia is less available. However, if Brittany asks, simply say that the girls' friendship, like other teen relationships, seems to have run its course.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband has been incarcerated off and on for the last several years. The kids adore him and want nothing more than to spend time with him, even though I am the responsible parent who cares for them and provides for their needs.

I'm glad the kids are not angry with him, and I'm trying to be understanding about their need for love and acceptance from him (even though they are no longer young children). However, I can't help feeling anxious, angry and jealous because, in spite of his many poor choices, they prefer spending time with him more than with me.

He has always been an irresponsible parent, and it crushes them each time he goes back to jail. No matter what, they run to his rescue whenever he needs something, be it money, transportation, etc. How can I handle this in the best way for the sake of my children without causing stress on them and our relationship? -- STABLE PARENT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PARENT: Please accept my sympathy. You have been forced into the role of the authoritarian parent, while your husband has adopted the role of loosey-goosey fun parent, which is how your children still regard him. It isn't fair, and I feel for you. But until they wise up on their own, there's nothing you can do about it. So try not to spend too much time dwelling on it. Live your life. When faced with a circumstance that's not likely to change soon, that's all anyone can do.

DEAR ABBY: I retired to Malaga, Spain, after my marriage of 38 years ended in divorce. I have gone to dinner with a few men since moving here. This is a lovely community with many retired residents from all over Europe and the U.K. My problem is, after a few dates, they assume that because they bought me dinner it entitles them to sex. I am fit and fairly attractive, but I may be out of touch on dating.

These men have implied to others that we did have sex, and now single and married men are calling me. The only way they could have gotten my number is through these men. I have tried to make light of this, but I'm worried that when my sons or grandchildren visit next month, they will hear something that isn't true. How do I stop this nonsense without causing hard feelings? -- NOT LIKE THAT AT ALL

DEAR NOT LIKE THAT: What has been done to you is vile and disgusting. Someone you refused to have sex with has retaliated with the equivalent of writing your phone number on a bathroom wall. Tell your sons NOW what has been going on so they will be prepared when they visit. And if you accept any more invitations, make clear in advance that you will be paying for your dinner yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been trying to have a child for nine years with no success. We have been through 14 rounds of fertility drugs, only two of which were successful, but neither one produced a child. My husband wants me to stop treatments because he doesn't like what the medications do to me, and I have agreed to stop because I think my body is just too tired. But, Abby, all of me wants to be a mother. Must I give up, or should I keep trying even though it might lead to further heartbreak? -- MATERNAL IN WASHINGTON

DEAR MATERNAL: Listen to your body. It may be time to consider other options than fertility drugs. These include fostering, adoption or hiring a surrogate to help. These are subjects to pursue, first with your husband, then your physician and possibly an attorney who specializes in adoption law. And don't forget, it isn't unheard of for some women who adopt to later become pregnant without medical intervention. I wish you luck on whichever path you choose.

DEAR ABBY: My son is getting married for the third time. I paid for half of his first wedding and also gave a generous gift. I gave him a significant cash gift for his second wedding. Do I give him and his new bride yet another cash gift?

They are planning a small wedding overseas, which I won't be attending. All have been -- or will be -- first weddings for the brides. I don't want the new bride to feel slighted, but on the other hand, it's getting really expensive for me. They live a nomadic life, so material gifts would not be appreciated by them. What's a perplexed mother to do? -- DISGUSTED MOM IN FLORIDA

DEAR MOM: Write them a check and hope the third time is the charm for your nomadic son. Then tell him you're closing your checkbook.