DEAR ABBY: I have been married for two decades to a man who is incapable of connecting with anyone. It didn't become apparent until after we were married. He is very good at surface relationships but cannot go deeper than that. Because of this, he abused, isolated and ignored me. He didn't realize he was causing harm since he didn't regard me -- and still doesn't regard me -- as a person with emotions.
A friend I've known for a decade recently has confessed he's attracted to me. This man communicates with me without words. We connect easily and completely. We kissed one time, and for the first time I understood why people enjoy kissing and how it unites two people. With my husband, it's just a task to complete.
My husband has, for the most part, stopped abusing me. He has become a fairly decent man as long as I don't expect much from him. I can't decide if I should stay as the invisible wife or take a chance at being seen, cherished and loved.
The new relationship cannot move forward unless I'm divorced; but there's no guarantee we would be married or would even want to be. We definitely love each other, but still have a lot to learn about one another. Should I stay where it's safe but heartbreakingly lonely, or take a chance that could either end well or very badly? -- INVISIBLE WOMAN
DEAR INVISIBLE: For the last 20 years you have been living what you describe as a "heartbreakingly lonely" existence. Why have you tolerated it? If you do what you are considering and things don't work out, are you strong enough to go it alone in the future? Like any other investment, whether to pursue this depends upon your tolerance for risk. If you divorce, it should not be "for" anyone else, but only for yourself.