DEAR ABBY: I have been married for two decades to a man who is incapable of connecting with anyone. It didn't become apparent until after we were married. He is very good at surface relationships but cannot go deeper than that. Because of this, he abused, isolated and ignored me. He didn't realize he was causing harm since he didn't regard me -- and still doesn't regard me -- as a person with emotions.

A friend I've known for a decade recently has confessed he's attracted to me. This man communicates with me without words. We connect easily and completely. We kissed one time, and for the first time I understood why people enjoy kissing and how it unites two people. With my husband, it's just a task to complete.

My husband has, for the most part, stopped abusing me. He has become a fairly decent man as long as I don't expect much from him. I can't decide if I should stay as the invisible wife or take a chance at being seen, cherished and loved.

The new relationship cannot move forward unless I'm divorced; but there's no guarantee we would be married or would even want to be. We definitely love each other, but still have a lot to learn about one another. Should I stay where it's safe but heartbreakingly lonely, or take a chance that could either end well or very badly? -- INVISIBLE WOMAN

DEAR INVISIBLE: For the last 20 years you have been living what you describe as a "heartbreakingly lonely" existence. Why have you tolerated it? If you do what you are considering and things don't work out, are you strong enough to go it alone in the future? Like any other investment, whether to pursue this depends upon your tolerance for risk. If you divorce, it should not be "for" anyone else, but only for yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I have a co-worker who bullies the team into attending funerals. These are not individuals who are close or well known to me or to the others. If a family member (or even an in-law) of someone who works with us passes away, this person demands to know the funeral details and then bullies me (and the others) into going.

Abby, I understand one goes to funerals for the people who have lost someone and to pay respects. But I also think funerals are a touchy subject, and it is inappropriate to go if you don't even know the deceased's name or aren't close with the co-worker who sustained the loss. I always send flowers, a card and my condolences. Why must I also sit graveside? What is a good response (besides "No") when I am cornered to attend a funeral without starting WWIII with this co-worker? -- FORCED IN TEXAS

DEAR FORCED: All you need to say, in addition to "NO" is, "I'm not comfortable doing that, so don't ask me again." Then stick to your guns and refuse to allow yourself to be arm-twisted into doing anything on your own time with which you are uncomfortable.

DEAR ABBY: Our 26-year-old, college-educated grandson, "Ethan," crashed his company car and was arrested for DWI and possession of more than a gram of cocaine. His mother hired a lawyer, posted bond and is taking full charge of the situation. Ethan lost his responsible job, and his girlfriend kicked him out. He has a sizable inheritance, enough to pay the lawyer and fine. Since he has never been in trouble before, we are hoping he won't go to jail.

Although we love Ethan dearly, his dad and I agree he should handle this on his own without his mother (who is recently divorced from our son) running to his rescue. Ethan also needs help with his addictions. He has enough 529 account funds to turn this serious mistake into an opportunity to return to college and get a master's degree.

I don't know how much to get involved, directly with Ethan or his mother. Though my wife and I are on good terms with his mother, it appears she doesn't want our advice. I welcome your suggestions on what to do. -- UPSET GRANDDAD IN TEXAS

DEAR GRANDDAD: You can voice your opinion, but beyond that you should stay out of it. As well-meaning as you are, you can't force your former daughter-in-law -- who is in full mother mode -- or Ethan to abandon the path they are on. All you can do is point out the dangers they may encounter along the way and hope they will listen, however frustrating it may be.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I recently moved to a new area because his job was relocated. He was really excited to start this new adventure, and I was happy to come along. We've been together for 10 years (high school sweethearts), and we got engaged just before we moved.

I noticed he had been Snapchatting with someone. When I asked him about it, he refused to tell me who, but said I shouldn't be concerned. Eventually, he did tell me. It's a female co-worker. I don't know much about her other than she is recently divorced. I'm happy she's out of a bad situation, but I don't understand why she's Snapchatting my fiance. I also don't understand why he hid it from me until I made a big deal out of it.

There are other details about her -- which I'm not sure are 100% true -- that could change my point of view about this, but since I don't know her, they are hard for me to believe. Should I be concerned, or is my anxiety taking over? I'll be addressing this with him again, but I'm not going to blow up in his face about it. -- DOUBTING IN SOUTH DAKOTA

DEAR DOUBTING: I'm glad you're not going to blow up because all it would do is make your fiance defensive. You do, however, need to have a discussion with him about this co-worker. If you feel he hasn't been completely honest about her or her circumstances, and he has become secretive, recognize it as a huge red flag and proceed from there. Do not get married before this is resolved.

DEAR ABBY: I've been living with my boyfriend, "Dan," for 15 years. He has always worked, and he doesn't hit me. If he's mad he lets go easy and doesn't dwell on stuff. (I can't say the same about me.) Here's the issue: On his Facebook profile in the "relationship status" section, he states that he's "single." Other times he has used "open relationship" or "it's complicated." We've been together way too long for him to write something like that.

I love him, but I don't want a future of living with this from my man. I feel like I'm wasting precious years. Life goes by so fast. I'm thinking about leaving him. What does he mean by doing that? Can you advise me, Abby? -- TAKEN IN GEORGIA

DEAR TAKEN: Please accept my sympathy. You have spent the last 15 years with someone who is commitment-phobic. When people post that they're in an open relationship, it means they are interested in exploring other relationships. If what you want is someone to marry, then you are right -- if a little late -- in thinking about leaving him. The odds that he will give you what you need are slim. Have an honest conversation with Dan about "where you are headed as a couple." If your visions don't match, move on.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are friendly with another couple our age. They are kind and generous and would do almost anything for us. They like to meet us for an occasional dinner. The problem is the husband feels compelled to put on a show in the restaurant, telling jokes and kidding with the waitstaff and patrons sitting around us. The wife talks almost constantly, and so does her husband, so it's hard to have a conversation with them. They take forever ordering and think nothing of holding up the table for hours.

We went out last night and I "hinted" that I'm uncomfortable with the unnecessary attention and would like us to be more low-key. The response was, "We like to have fun. It makes us happy, and people always thank us because we make their day." I think people just play along and secretly find them annoying.

I don't want to hurt their feelings, but I don't know what to say if they ask us out again. My husband feels the same as I do. Any suggestions? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN ARIZONA

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: They may be nice people, but their compulsion to perform in public makes you uncomfortable. Added to that is your inability to talk with them on a meaningful level because they dominate the conversation. If you like them in private, under controlled conditions, invite them over. But politely decline their invitations to eat out.

DEAR READERS: I'm wishing you all a happy and healthy Fourth of July! Please drive carefully and celebrate safely. -- LOVE, ABBY