DEAR ABBY: I love my husband, but I'm getting tired of being a second-class citizen in my home. It started when we bought a van from a friend of mine. We talked about different things we could do with it -- fix it up a little and sell it, or use it for vacation -- but somewhere along the line it was suggested that we let my ex, "Paul," buy it from us because he's homeless and chooses to let everyone else take care of him.
The van is now fixed. Paul lost his job and is now living in the van -- in my driveway. The problem is, he doesn't stay in the van. He crashes on my couch, uses my electricity, water, etc., and now eats my food. I told my husband this is not healthy for my mental well-being.
My husband and I own our own business, and Paul has now become involved in that, too. My husband says he can use the help and it gives Paul money to move. The only problem with that is my ex doesn't use the money for bills -- he blows it on junk he doesn't need. I'm tired of raising a 41-year-old grown man. Help! -- FED UP IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR FED UP: You are not a second-class citizen. This arrangement seems crazy. Because it is interfering with your marriage, tell your husband the situation is affecting your mental health and insist upon a deadline by which Paul will be out of there. Guests, like fish, start to stink after three days, and Paul has exceeded that by far. He has a van, so whether or not he has saved enough for a place of his own, he won't be without shelter. Your mental health is more important than your husband having an extra hand in the business.