DEAR ABBY: Recently, my oldest and dearest friend (since kindergarten) talked about renting a house in Puerto Rico for her family and mine. We talk often and have remained close over the years. I consider her family a part of my family.

She recently informed me that she went ahead and booked the trip with her sister-in-law, her nephews and her parents without saying a word to me about it. I was extremely hurt, and when I told her so, her answer was, "Well, I didn't make the arrangements; my sister-in-law did. There will be small children, and I know you don't want to do that." (I had told her previously that when my husband and I go on vacation, we prefer adult-only resorts.) I'm disappointed and angry. Should I end our friendship, or just let it go? -- EXCLUDED IN NEW YORK

DEAR EXCLUDED: If this is the first time something like this has happened, let it go. If it continues to happen, and I doubt it will, reevaluate the friendship then.

DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away seven years ago. My oldest son, "Danny," is 29 and is getting married. He has one brother, "Adam," who is 19, and they have always gotten along. I'm really upset that Adam wasn't asked to be in the wedding party, at least as a groomsman.

I'm sure my husband, if he were alive, would have had a talk with Danny about this -- especially because ALL FOUR of my husband's brothers were in our wedding party as well as his best friend. I'm upset that I have to bring it to Danny's attention, but I need to address this without making him mad. What's your opinion? -- MATTER OF SCRUPLES

DEAR MATTER: Scruples may have less to do with this than budget restrictions or Adam's young age may have. By all means, mention this to Danny but, after that, refrain from meddling. Your wedding was yours; this one is Danny's and his fiancee's.

DEAR ABBY: My son (my only child) lives with his fiancee. His marriage, which produced my oldest grandson, has finally ended. He has two boys with the fiancee. She and I have never seen eye-to-eye. When my son and I argue, she prevents me from seeing my grandsons. It makes it very difficult for me to bond with them, for fear she will keep them away forever. What should I do? I'm actually holding back my emotions because I'm scared. -- ON EGGSHELLS IN WASHINGTON

DEAR ON EGGSHELLS: If you and your son have a functional relationship (aside from the occasional disagreement), take this up with him, and be frank about it. His fiancee should not use the children to punish you. However, if your son won't put a stop to what she's doing, then it makes sense to protect your emotions -- and to not feel guilty about doing it. If that means guarding them where your son's children are concerned, that would be the healthier course of action.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced mother of two teenagers. I've been seeing my boyfriend, "Sean," for almost five years, and when the pandemic started, he moved in with us. I am supposed to share custody of my teens with their father, alternating weeks. However, his job requires travel, and the kids are with me more often than not, with little to no notice. They are also reaching an age where they don't really want to go to their dad's all the time.

This has caused some tension with my boyfriend. He feels we never get "alone time" anymore. He then withholds affection from me, as if I've done something wrong by having my kids. Since he moved in, our sex life has dwindled to almost nonexistent. He refuses to be intimate when the kids are home, yet he hasn't made the most of the "alone time" we do have when the kids aren't here. He usually goes to bed early, without so much as a goodnight kiss. Or he'll go out on weekend days and not include me.

I have been cheated on in the past, and my insecurities are starting to rear their ugly heads. I don't know how to talk to him because he gets defensive and gaslights any issues I bring up. I don't feel safe sharing my hurt with him, let alone sharing my anger at him for trying to make me feel bad for being a mom. I'm losing hope and feel myself shutting down. How can I approach him in a way that he won't get defensive? -- FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE

DEAR FIGHTING: There are red flags all over your letter. You are going to be an active mother until your children are at least 18. That this man would move into your home and give you heartburn about your responsibilities is terrible. You state that your sex life is over, and when you raise other important issues, he gaslights you. This does not bode well for a healthy future.

His defensiveness when you attempt to have an adult discussion with him isn't your real problem. Getting him out of your home and your life before he wastes any more of your time is what you should focus on.

DEAR ABBY: What is proper etiquette when attending an event and sitting at a table with more than six people? I think it's rude to talk to a person across the table. Talking to a person next to you is acceptable. Talking to someone across the table is rude because the other diners must stop talking to the person seated next to them and be forced to listen to your conversation. Seeing this happen is becoming more and more annoying. What do you think? -- FORCED TO LISTEN

DEAR FORCED: While that rule of etiquette may have been true in Edwardian times, table etiquette today is no longer so rigid. While, of course, it is desirable to converse with the guests seated next to you, unless communicating with someone across the table requires one to shout -- which would be distracting and disruptive -- I see nothing rude about it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, who is 81 and in excellent health, has just suggested that when we feel we can no longer live independent lives (I am 72), we should move closer to his daughter in another state so she and her husband can help us.

Abby, I don't like her husband, and I don't want to be reliant on him, beholden to him or even socialize with him. In the 15 years I have known him, we have never had a conversation. In the beginning, I tried, but he cannot relate to older women. Apparently, he didn't have a good relationship with his mother. His only topics of conversation are his dogs, guns or sports. I have no interest in any of those things.

It breaks my heart that my husband and I may not be spending the last years of our lives together. I'm sure my husband would tell me to "get over" my dislike of his daughter's husband. Do I have to agree to be around someone I have nothing in common with? I don't like the part of the country they live in either. -- NERVOUS IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR NERVOUS: My late mother once told me that parents who count on their adult children "taking care of them" in their old age are often in for a rude awakening. You and your husband are supposed to be equal partners in this marriage. If you dislike not only the man his daughter is married to but also the area of the country in which they live, no law says you are obligated to relocate. I recommend you have that difficult discussion with your spouse soon, preferably in the office of a licensed marriage and family therapist.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in an on-and-off relationship with a woman for three years. We live about two hours apart. In the beginning, our relationship was wonderful. We would see each other on a regular basis and would text and video chat almost daily. We even talked about marriage.

But as time went on, she became more and more distant. She would either take forever to respond back to me or not respond at all. Her excuse was work. She was always working and always had something going on. I then found out she was dealing with a couple of personal things. When I explained to her that relationships are all about communication, she kind of disagreed.

At one point, I was so upset, angry and frustrated that I said some horrible things to her. I even used foul language because of her not communicating. Also, she didn't even bother to take two minutes out of her time to wish me a happy birthday. I always remember her on her birthday.

She is making me out to be the bad guy. I'm so hurt and angry at her because of her refusal to communicate. Abby, what else can I do? Am I really the bad person here? -- UNCERTAIN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNCERTAIN: Although you refuse to recognize it, this woman HAS been communicating with you. Her behavior indicates that she is nowhere as interested in you as you are in her, which should have become apparent as she became more and more distant.

You are not a bad person, and neither is she. She's just afraid to give you the bad news verbally. In cases like this, there is nothing you can do besides tell her it's apparent she isn't as invested in the relationship as you are and make a graceful exit.