DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Paul," and I have been together for 18 months. We are both divorced and each have two children. Mine are in college. His are in elementary and middle school. They stay overnight with him on the weekends.
When they are there, I go home and sleep at my place. Over the last few months, Paul has asked me to stay the night when they are there; however, he wants me to sleep on the couch because they sleep in the bed with him. A few weeks ago, he announced, "I'm going to talk to them about you and me sleeping in my bed together and see if they are OK with that." Since then, I have heard nothing, so I continue going to my own place at night.
My questions are: Is it acceptable for children to sleep in the same bed with their parent? And, is it acceptable for children to decide if Paul and I sleep together? -- CONFUSED IN KANSAS
DEAR CONFUSED: The answers to your questions are "Yes," and "No." In some cultures, it is common for families to share the same sleeping accommodations, including a family bed. In our culture, it is less common but not unheard of, particularly with kids much younger than his.
As to your second question, Paul may be uncomfortable raising the subject with his children, or they may have told him they like the status quo and he hasn't communicated that to you. But they are not the ones who should make that decision. As the adult in the family, that privilege should be his. And after 18 months together, you should be comfortable enough to ask him anything.