DEAR ABBY: My friend has this habit of phoning me while she is walking her dog or driving somewhere. To put it bluntly, she calls when she is otherwise engaged and biding her time until she finishes the walk or reaches her destination.

When she walks "Gonzo," I have to contend with his barking, her admonishing Gonzo for pulling on the leash, or the wind, which makes it difficult to hear her. When she's driving, the connection is often iffy. She has done this for years, but recently it has started to seriously annoy me. I wish she would call when she's sitting in a quiet room and not preoccupied with something else. Is that too much to ask? How can I politely tell her this? -- TICKED OFF IN TEXAS

DEAR TICKED OFF: It shouldn't be too hard. "Politely" tell her you would prefer she NOT call you while she's walking Gonzo or driving -- particularly the latter because it's dangerous and you would hate to have her miss her exit or get into an accident because she was distracted. THEN tell her you prefer talking with her when she's in a place that's safe to talk and she's not distracted. If she persists after that, ask when she'll be home, suggest you talk "later" and hang up.

DEAR ABBY: I was an alcoholic. I have been sober since 1994. I live with my elderly aunt and assist her while working in ministry. Her son lives with us and is, basically, a hopeless alcoholic. He drinks all day and lies on the couch. I know that if this continues, it will be fatal.

We have tried to get him into two or three rehabs, and I can't count how many times he's been to the hospital for detox. After his last stint in rehab, he came back and was drinking again three days later. Because I don't know what else to do, I have committed myself to saying, "Well, if he wants to drink himself to death, there's nothing I can do."

Am I doing the right thing or is there something else I can try? I mean, it's not my house, so I can't throw him out. I don't even broach the subject with my aunt anymore. -- CONFLICTED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CONFLICTED: Congratulations for hanging onto your sobriety. I can only imagine the stress you are experiencing watching your cousin drink himself to death. If at all possible, it might be beneficial to you if you found other living arrangements while assisting your aunt.

Your aunt -- not you -- as well-meaning as she may be, is her son's enabler. Her passivity is partly responsible for what's happening to her son, not you. You have done everything you can, and you cannot save him from himself. Your aunt may need counseling to help her break the unhealthy pattern that has been set with her son. Please suggest this to her. I hope she is receptive.

DEAR ABBY: I was married for 16 years and am finalizing the divorce. I decided to start dating again and found a really nice guy with a wonderful personality. I'm attracted to him, although I never thought I would love again. He's my age and has a kid. We talked for six months -- after which he moved in. We have been living together for more than a year now.

Things were perfect until I found out he has been talking sexually to other women online and met two women during our relationship. He insists they are just friends and nothing more. Now he's saying I'm not his girlfriend and never have been. What am I then? I asked one of his friends, and they told me he is sexual with all women. "He is just a playful guy."

When I told him I knew he had kissed one of them, he said it was because he just wanted to know if anything was there. I have never done that to anyone. He lied about meeting the girls and about being on a dating site, and he's still sexting. I fell in love with him, but he doesn't say it back to me.

Should we separate and just be friends or try to work on the relationship? He told me that his whole life women ghost him or go back to their exes. He has been hurt by a lot of them. I need advice. -- LET DOWN IN ARKANSAS

DEAR LET DOWN: Your roommate is not a "nice guy." He's a player who hasn't been honest with you. Be glad his friend clued you in to what has really been going on while he has been living with you.

Because you know he's a player, make an appointment with your doctor to be tested for STDs. Then tell him the games are over and you want him out of your place immediately. You are too emotional right now to remain friends with him, and once you get your head on straight and recognize him for who he really is, you will no longer want to be.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for two years. He was married for 27 years to a woman who died six months before we met. He has an adult stepdaughter he raised and considers his daughter. He has biological children with whom I have a good relationship, and they like me. However, the stepdaughter doesn't like me at all and she's very rude to me.

His family invites her to family functions all the time. My husband keeps saying to give her a break because her mother died. I have never been anything but nice to her. My husband and I argue constantly about her. I have asked not to be around her. Is it rude of me not to go to his family function if she's going to be there? She makes it very uncomfortable for me. -- BOTHERED IN GEORGIA

DEAR BOTHERED: Do not cut off your nose to spite your face. Go to the family functions. Say hello to her but, after that, avoid her as much as possible. If she is overtly rude, call her on it. You do not have to tolerate being abused, and you should not be expected to.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and her partner have two children, an 8-month-old and a 3-year-old. Whenever they get home, if a child is sleeping in the car seat, one of them will stay in the vehicle until the child wakes up. They don't want to bring the child inside the house because the child will wake up.

They live in Los Angeles, the weather is nice and they spend the time listening to music with earphones. Abby, they may end up staying in the car for two to three hours, waiting. I say this is wrong, but I don't seem able to convince my daughter or her partner. -- GRANDMA IN TEXAS

DEAR GRANDMA: It is possible that your daughter and her partner regard the time they spend in the car as a rest period for themselves as well as the child. As parents of young children, they may need the break. Accept this as their parenting style and stay out of it, because they are hurting no one.

DEAR ABBY: Thirty years ago, my wife and I moved from New York City to Albuquerque. I have four brothers. One has visited once, another has visited three times, but two brothers have never come out to see us. We have gone back east for weddings, funerals and reunions.

When I ask these two brothers why they don't visit, they say going to New Mexico is not on their bucket list or that their wives don't like to fly. I feel hurt and abandoned. Should I not care, or just not deal with them? -- WAITING FOR 30 YEARS

DEAR WAITING: Not all siblings are equally close. You are blessed with two brothers who want to remain close and make the effort to do so. Your life will be happier if you concentrate on the relationships you have with them and their families, and spend less time brooding about the others.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been happily married for 40 years. The problem is, he likes having a cat, and I'm tired of having pets. We have had cats during most of our marriage, and for the most part, I have enjoyed them. But after losing our last one six months ago, I am enjoying being pet-free. My husband is talking about finding a cute kitty, but I told him I'm very happy not to have a pet, and why. How do we resolve this? He says he "needs" a cat. His family has always had them. -- HOPES TO BE PET-FREE

DEAR HOPES: I assume you're enjoying being pet-free because you were the person taking care of the cats. Tell your husband if he needs a cat, caring for it will be his sole responsibility for the reasons you mentioned. It may not be easy, but stick to your guns. If you can hold out until the cat is beyond the adorable "kitten" stage, you'll be fine.