DEAR ABBY: I was an alcoholic. I have been sober since 1994. I live with my elderly aunt and assist her while working in ministry. Her son lives with us and is, basically, a hopeless alcoholic. He drinks all day and lies on the couch. I know that if this continues, it will be fatal.
We have tried to get him into two or three rehabs, and I can't count how many times he's been to the hospital for detox. After his last stint in rehab, he came back and was drinking again three days later. Because I don't know what else to do, I have committed myself to saying, "Well, if he wants to drink himself to death, there's nothing I can do."
Am I doing the right thing or is there something else I can try? I mean, it's not my house, so I can't throw him out. I don't even broach the subject with my aunt anymore. -- CONFLICTED IN ILLINOIS
DEAR CONFLICTED: Congratulations for hanging onto your sobriety. I can only imagine the stress you are experiencing watching your cousin drink himself to death. If at all possible, it might be beneficial to you if you found other living arrangements while assisting your aunt.
Your aunt -- not you -- as well-meaning as she may be, is her son's enabler. Her passivity is partly responsible for what's happening to her son, not you. You have done everything you can, and you cannot save him from himself. Your aunt may need counseling to help her break the unhealthy pattern that has been set with her son. Please suggest this to her. I hope she is receptive.