DEAR ABBY: Thirty years ago, my wife and I moved from New York City to Albuquerque. I have four brothers. One has visited once, another has visited three times, but two brothers have never come out to see us. We have gone back east for weddings, funerals and reunions.

When I ask these two brothers why they don't visit, they say going to New Mexico is not on their bucket list or that their wives don't like to fly. I feel hurt and abandoned. Should I not care, or just not deal with them? -- WAITING FOR 30 YEARS

DEAR WAITING: Not all siblings are equally close. You are blessed with two brothers who want to remain close and make the effort to do so. Your life will be happier if you concentrate on the relationships you have with them and their families, and spend less time brooding about the others.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and her partner have two children, an 8-month-old and a 3-year-old. Whenever they get home, if a child is sleeping in the car seat, one of them will stay in the vehicle until the child wakes up. They don't want to bring the child inside the house because the child will wake up.

They live in Los Angeles, the weather is nice and they spend the time listening to music with earphones. Abby, they may end up staying in the car for two to three hours, waiting. I say this is wrong, but I don't seem able to convince my daughter or her partner. -- GRANDMA IN TEXAS

DEAR GRANDMA: It is possible that your daughter and her partner regard the time they spend in the car as a rest period for themselves as well as the child. As parents of young children, they may need the break. Accept this as their parenting style and stay out of it, because they are hurting no one.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been happily married for 40 years. The problem is, he likes having a cat, and I'm tired of having pets. We have had cats during most of our marriage, and for the most part, I have enjoyed them. But after losing our last one six months ago, I am enjoying being pet-free. My husband is talking about finding a cute kitty, but I told him I'm very happy not to have a pet, and why. How do we resolve this? He says he "needs" a cat. His family has always had them. -- HOPES TO BE PET-FREE

DEAR HOPES: I assume you're enjoying being pet-free because you were the person taking care of the cats. Tell your husband if he needs a cat, caring for it will be his sole responsibility for the reasons you mentioned. It may not be easy, but stick to your guns. If you can hold out until the cat is beyond the adorable "kitten" stage, you'll be fine.

DEAR ABBY: A few months ago, my daughter told me she was with her boyfriend at the local bowling alley and they were kissing and hugging. When she went to use the ladies' room, she was followed by an older woman who proceeded to "advise" my daughter about the local family planning clinic, as well as offer her opinion that teenagers need to be very careful in their sex lives so they don't end up as young parents and derail their futures.

While I believe the woman had good intentions, I also think what she did was wildly inappropriate. I was tempted to report her to the police. What's your opinion? Should I have contacted and confronted this woman? -- NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

DEAR N.O.Y.B: For you to have contacted the police or confronted the woman would have been extremely inappropriate. If your daughter and her boyfriend were putting on such a show for the other bowlers that an onlooker felt your daughter needed the information, she did your child a favor. An unintended pregnancy can, indeed, derail a young couple's future.

DEAR ABBY: For the 30-plus years I have known him, my husband has never been social. When we were dating, he'd rather it just be the two of us, and avoided parties, group outings, etc. Because of this, I have given up trying to go out with friends, and even with his or my family members because he complains about having to go. When he does attend must-go-to-events such as Thanksgiving and Christmas, he'll say a few words to everyone, and then sit quietly the rest of the evening, looking bored.

I have always been outgoing and social. I recently started working from home, so my workplace socialization has disappeared. I need socialization, and I don't know how to tell my husband I am going to start doing things without him. He will consider that I am abandoning him. What would you suggest? -- SOCIAL BUTTERFLY IN BUFFALO

DEAR BUTTERFLY: You are not going to change your husband. Before you become completely isolated, start doing things without him. Leave him at home where he's comfortable. If he feels "abandoned," quit making it your problem as you have before. You aren't joined at the hip, and isolation isn't healthy for you!

DEAR ABBY: I have a lovely collection of cloth napkins, but no longer use them for holiday meals because my son-in-law of 15 years began using them as "hankies" at my formal dining table. He actually blows his nose in them. This grosses us out, but I'm afraid to say anything for fear he will pack up my grandkids and that will be the last we see of them. He has a doctorate degree, so it isn't ignorance causing this. What would you do? -- PROPER IN MICHIGAN

DEAR PROPER: What I would do is have a nice box of tissues at his place setting when he comes for dinner.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a gay man. A friend of more than 20 years, "Marci," passed away eight months ago after battling cancer for four years. Just a month after the funeral, her wife, "Julia," started dating. She was engaged four months later and married "Leslie" seven months after that. When they started dating, Leslie was still legally married. My husband and I are godfathers to the one child Marci and Julia had.

I don't trust Leslie. I think she took advantage of a person who was grieving. She's a nurse and should know better. I don't like Leslie, and I don't like her kids either. They moved into the house Marci and Julia had built together just a few months after Marci's funeral.

I have pretty much removed myself from the situation. I no longer go to dinners or social gatherings with them. Seeing them together makes my heart hurt and stomach ache. My husband still goes out with them and seems to have no issue with it. It has caused problems between us at times. He doesn't understand my feelings, and I can't understand how he can support them. Can you help me cope with this or tell me how I can get him to see my side and end the friendship? -- STILL MOURNING MARCI

DEAR STILL MOURNING: It might help your husband be more sympathetic to your feelings if you explain you're still in deep mourning over the loss of a beloved friend, and it affects you physically when you see Julia and Leslie together. He is able to "support them" because, even though their relationship may seem premature, he recognizes they have continued on with their lives.

A way to cope with your pain would be to make a conscious effort to forgive them for their haste and keep foremost in your mind that you promised Marci you would be a godparent to her child. The most effective way for that to happen would be to be present in her child's life in a way that doesn't always involve the parents.

DEAR ABBY: I have a co-worker -- and great friend -- who washes her hair maybe once a week and uses dry shampoo in between. (One day, I thought she had gray roots because the dry shampoo was so thick.) I know many people do this, but her hair is excessively oily, and it looks unsightly and unprofessional when she comes to work. It has reached the point that several co-workers (and even an ex-boyfriend of hers) have asked me why she doesn't wash her hair more often because it looks so dirty.

I feel embarrassed for her, but I don't know how to bring it up and suggest that maybe shampooing more often would be better. Even when we have a night out on the town and she has all day to get ready, she still shows up with her hair a greasy mess, slicked back in a clip. Maybe she doesn't realize the impression she is giving. Do I say something to her? -- FRIEND WHO CARES IN MISSOURI

DEAR FRIEND: Good friends take care of each other and watch each other's backs. If the situation were reversed, wouldn't you want to hear it from someone you know cares about you?