DEAR ABBY: I have a co-worker -- and great friend -- who washes her hair maybe once a week and uses dry shampoo in between. (One day, I thought she had gray roots because the dry shampoo was so thick.) I know many people do this, but her hair is excessively oily, and it looks unsightly and unprofessional when she comes to work. It has reached the point that several co-workers (and even an ex-boyfriend of hers) have asked me why she doesn't wash her hair more often because it looks so dirty.

I feel embarrassed for her, but I don't know how to bring it up and suggest that maybe shampooing more often would be better. Even when we have a night out on the town and she has all day to get ready, she still shows up with her hair a greasy mess, slicked back in a clip. Maybe she doesn't realize the impression she is giving. Do I say something to her? -- FRIEND WHO CARES IN MISSOURI

DEAR FRIEND: Good friends take care of each other and watch each other's backs. If the situation were reversed, wouldn't you want to hear it from someone you know cares about you?

DEAR ABBY: I'm a gay man. A friend of more than 20 years, "Marci," passed away eight months ago after battling cancer for four years. Just a month after the funeral, her wife, "Julia," started dating. She was engaged four months later and married "Leslie" seven months after that. When they started dating, Leslie was still legally married. My husband and I are godfathers to the one child Marci and Julia had.

I don't trust Leslie. I think she took advantage of a person who was grieving. She's a nurse and should know better. I don't like Leslie, and I don't like her kids either. They moved into the house Marci and Julia had built together just a few months after Marci's funeral.

I have pretty much removed myself from the situation. I no longer go to dinners or social gatherings with them. Seeing them together makes my heart hurt and stomach ache. My husband still goes out with them and seems to have no issue with it. It has caused problems between us at times. He doesn't understand my feelings, and I can't understand how he can support them. Can you help me cope with this or tell me how I can get him to see my side and end the friendship? -- STILL MOURNING MARCI

DEAR STILL MOURNING: It might help your husband be more sympathetic to your feelings if you explain you're still in deep mourning over the loss of a beloved friend, and it affects you physically when you see Julia and Leslie together. He is able to "support them" because, even though their relationship may seem premature, he recognizes they have continued on with their lives.

A way to cope with your pain would be to make a conscious effort to forgive them for their haste and keep foremost in your mind that you promised Marci you would be a godparent to her child. The most effective way for that to happen would be to be present in her child's life in a way that doesn't always involve the parents.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old woman in a healthy, loving relationship with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. We talk about marriage and kids and are committed to each other. We know we are each other's special one. He recently bought a home, and we live together. My issue is with my mother. I feel she won't be happy with me until I'm married and have children.

She and Dad met and were married within six months, so to her, any relationship that lasts longer than that without marriage or an engagement must not be the real deal. It has been extremely frustrating over the past couple of years. She slips in judgmental comments all the time and clearly doesn't respect my relationship with the man I have chosen.

If I try to defend my life and our relationship, she says I'm too defensive and must be unhappy. If I say nothing, which has been my approach for the past six months or so, her snide comments continue. I want a good relationship with her, but I am not sure where to go from here. Marriage and kids are in our future but not for some time. We are enjoying our own timeline. Help! -- IT'S MY LIFE IN COLORADO

DEAR I.M.L.: At 29, you are well into adulthood, so perhaps it's time to draw the line. Tell your mother you know she loves you and is concerned for your welfare, but you do not plan to marry anyone on her timeline. Then say, calmly, that her comments are hurtful, and you need her to quit the needling, or she will be seeing a lot less of you. Be prepared to follow through.

DEAR ABBY: I have wrestled with this for a year. I thought I had a good friend. I had a pacemaker implanted, and eight months later I broke my elbow. Both times I was hospitalized. Not once did she come to see me or send a card, even though she is a card lover. I overlooked it until my son's death made me rethink our friendship. She sent me some fruit but didn't make one call to see how we were doing, no visitation, nothing. She didn't send a sympathy card either.

I now regard her as selfish, and I can no longer bring myself to be friends with her. We all make mistakes, that's true, but three times with no support from her is more than I can accept. I now feel we weren't friends at all. Am I wrong? We have many dear friends who were there when we needed them. They cried with us, consoled us, brought food, stayed with us. Are my feelings valid? -- ABANDONED IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABANDONED: Where feelings are concerned, there is no "right" or "wrong." Sometimes people feel extremely uncomfortable about what they should say or do when a difficult situation arises such as an illness, an accident or a death. That your friend made herself absent when you needed her support is unfortunate. Not knowing her, I can't guess her reason, and neither can you. So before you abandon her, you should ask her that question.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our 40s. Last year, we decided to make a very big change in our lives. We decided to seek out a second wife (sister wife) for my husband. I was completely on board with it at first. He reached out to a woman he knew years ago and asked if she would consider joining our family. However, I started getting this feeling that she wasn't the right woman to bring into our family. She ignored many of my in-depth questions about why she wanted to live this type of life.

I have expressed to my husband that I no longer want her in my life and it has reached the point that I no longer want to live a plural lifestyle. I felt bad that I'm the one who changed my mind, so I agreed to allow them to continue a relationship -- as long as they keep me out of it, and he keeps her out of my home and my life.

I don't understand how he can continue living this way, living two separate lives and be OK with it. We've been together more than 20 years and I don't want to leave, but how can I continue loving a man with my whole heart and soul when he only loves me with part of his? -- SISTER WIFE

DEAR WIFE: Relationships such as you describe can work out when all three of the parties involved feel they are equally valued. Some women tolerate their husband having someone "on the side" because they derive some benefit beyond the emotional connection one associates with marriage. That said, in the final analysis, the only person who can answer the question you're asking me is you.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old girl. My 16-year-old sister has severe depression and an eating disorder. She has been to the hospital twice because of it, and now she has to go to the hospital every day to get her to eat more. Even though people are helping her, I don't think she's getting better. It makes me feel worried and sad.

My mom has me seeing a therapist, and she helps me to feel better, but it's still hard knowing my sister is having such a hard time. I have never dealt with anything this hard in my life. I wish I could just not have to always think about how sad I am. I really want everything to be normal. Can you tell me ways to not get so upset about everything that's going on? -- HAVING A HARD TIME IN IOWA

DEAR HAVING A HARD TIME: I'm glad you are seeing a therapist you can talk to about your sadness and worry. Being able to discuss them with someone you trust and who isn't emotionally involved can be a blessing.

I do have a suggestion that might help you in addition to your therapy. Participate in sports activities and hobbies that keep your mind occupied. If you keep yourself busy, you will have less time to dwell on your sadness and worry. And please, write me again in a couple of months and let me know how you are doing, because I'm hopeful you will be feeling better than you do right now.