DEAR ABBY: When my boyfriend found out I have the money to do it, he asked me to pay off his car. Now, because I said no, he won't answer the phone or talk to me. I have helped him in the past, but he continues to ask me for money. I think he's using me. He tries to make me feel guilty by accusing me of not caring about him because, "If I did, I would pay off his car."

I'm 58 years old, and the money I have is for me to live comfortably, not to spend on him. I told him as much, and he still insists I should help him with his bills. We live separately, and I suspect he's really just interested in the money, but I'm afraid of being lonely. What should I do? -- WELL-OFF IN THE SOUTH

DEAR WELL-OFF: There are worse things than being lonely (for a while). Chief among them is knowing you are being used by someone who cares nothing about you beyond what he can extract from you. What you "should" do is kick him to the curb and not look back. There are better days ahead for you if you do.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are having a hard time navigating a recurring situation in our marriage. My husband is friendly with three brothers. They hang out often and sometimes drink. Their sister sometimes hangs out with them, too.

I'm uncomfortable with my husband getting drunk when she's around. He continues to do it, though, in spite of my concerns. Last night, he was at his friend's house from 11 p.m. until 6 a.m. She was there for part of the drinking and partying. I really have a hard time with this. What should we do? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN THE WEST

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Although coming home at 6 a.m. is awfully late, it may have happened because he was too drunk to drive home earlier. I have trouble believing anything untoward would happen with the sister in the presence of her three brothers. Has your husband done anything to cause your insecurity? If not, you need to work on your jealousy and trust issues. If, however, he has, then you need to work together to get to the root of what is going wrong in your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: My son's fiancee has just informed me that I need to send her my guest list for the wedding, and she will let me know to whom she will send invitations. When I asked if she meant that there was a limited number of guests, she said no, but she didn't want people there who didn't mean anything to her. She's from the East Coast, and my son met her in college in another state, so she doesn't know many of our family members or friends. How do I respond to this? Thank you. -- MOTHER-OF-THE-GROOM

DEAR MOTHER: It appears your son's fiancee has "forgotten" that after marriage there are two sides to the family. Respond by bringing your son into the conversation. He's in the perfect position to explain to his bride-to-be who the people on the guest list are so she'll have some insight about whom to invite. (Include those details on the proposed guest list you send to them.) That information will be important to her during the wedding celebrations and also (fingers crossed) during their long, happy life together.

DEAR ABBY: I survived 17 years of abuse. I'm slowly healing and now in a healthy relationship I enjoy. My ex did what most abusers do in these situations: He isolated me from my family. He would force me to say mean things to my sisters and parents to keep them away and make them hate me.

Now that I'm out of that situation, I want a relationship with them again. Sadly, my sisters say I must apologize for my behavior (again), which I'm not comfortable doing. I did apologize once, but it wasn't good enough for them, since I stated that I was sorry he made me do those things. What should I do? -- GETTING PAST IT IN KANSAS

DEAR GETTING PAST: I'm not sure why your sisters are insisting you apologize again, but if I were you, I would do it to try to smooth things over. At that time I would explain to them about Stockholm syndrome, which sometimes happens when people are kidnapped, held prisoner and eventually begin to identify with their captors. Something similar may have happened between you and your abuser because, in a sense, you were being held hostage.

DEAR ABBY: My precious dog, "Rover," died nearly a year ago. I have grieved deeply, and feel I have handled it in a healthy way. I now have a new dog, "Spot," who has brought new energy to my home. I keep a few pictures of Rover around the house, as well as pictures of Spot.

Part of me feels it's weird to have pictures of a deceased pet on display and that it may not be healthy. Yet, I also feel it's fine, as long as it isn't a shrine to him. Sometimes I stop and look at Rover's pictures and smile; other times, I feel an ache in my stomach and tear up. What is your take on this? -- STILL HEALING IN FLORIDA

DEAR STILL HEALING: My "take" is that although you have moved on to a great degree, you are still grieving. Rover is part of your history. If photos of him bring you pleasure, continue to display them. However, if more often they make you sad, consider putting them away until more time has elapsed since his passing.

DEAR ABBY: I want to give a monetary gift to some close friends of ours before we die. It's in my will, but it occurred to me that they might as well enjoy it now, while they can. The rub is they're very proud and stubborn and won't let us "treat" them to anything.

I have given other people money and made clear, "I won't ask what you do with it nor ever mention it again. I just want you to enjoy it." Do you have advice on whether I should do this? And, if so, how? I don't want to damage our friendship. -- FRIENDLY GIFT

DEAR FRIENDLY: You are very generous. This is a question that should be discussed with your attorney or accountant. Of course, when you send the funds, there should be a letter explaining your intentions. This "transfer of assets" is sometimes done in families. Your legal or financial adviser can explain the details and whether other options exist. Then cross your fingers and hope your fortunate friends will accept the gift. However, if they don't, do not continue to press the issue.

DEAR ABBY: My dad, who is nearing 80, has been married to my stepmom, "Ruth," for nearly 35 years. She has always been temperamental and controlling to a degree, but during the last few years it has become abundantly clear that she's emotionally abusive to my dad.

Twenty years ago, I moved to another coast, and although Dad wanted to visit, the decision was always up to Ruth, so they never did. However, when it comes to her immediate family, Dad is required to attend every event. During COVID I moved just a few states away, and that's when I got the full picture. Ruth took away Dad's cellphone and sold his car, so he is virtually stuck. She will not even let him mention purchasing a vehicle. He's an artist, and she never "allowed" him to get a studio.

The list is long, sad and frustrating. He forbids me to confront her, but it is giving me daily stress because I love my dad and I fear her control is something he has grown accustomed to. Any advice? -- DISTRESSED DAUGHTER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR DAUGHTER: As repugnant as the situation may be to you, I do not think you should try to reduce your stress by creating more for your father. He has forbidden you from confronting his wife about her hypercontrolling behavior, and you should respect his wishes. I don't have to like it; you don't have to like it. But this is what your father has been willing to accept for the last 35 years. He and only he could have put a stop to it or left her if he had really wanted to.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a college student who broke up with my long-term high school boyfriend a few months ago. He was a cheating dirtbag, so I moved on quickly. I have been enjoying the single life, but now find myself in a bit of a love triangle.

"Derek" is blond and short, and loves to go to the gym. He's kind and attentive, and he seems to care very much for me. He invited me to his formal dance, but I turned him down because I didn't know him very well. He didn't take anyone else even though he had plenty of time to find a date. My friend at the dance said he didn't even talk to another girl, so I know he's very loyal already.

The other contender, "Shay," is taller and has dark hair. He has kind, blue eyes and a shy personality, although with me he really opens up and talks. He always checks in to see how I'm doing when I've had a rough day. In the simplest terms, he puts up with my nonsense. He has seen me at some of my worst moments and still showed compassion.

I'm genuinely torn between these two and don't know how to choose because I don't want to lose either of them. What do I do? -- BOY CRAZY IN IOWA

DEAR BOY CRAZY: I have good news. Because nowhere in your letter did you mention that either of these young men have asked you for an exclusive relationship, you do not "have" to make a difficult choice. Some people like both chocolate and vanilla ice cream. I suggest you be honest with them and enjoy seeing them both until the answer to your question becomes obvious. (Feel free to write me again if you meet a handsome redhead.)