DEAR ABBY: My sister and I have always been close. She's married to a man I have always thought is domineering and arrogant. I also suspect that he's emotionally abusive from things she has confided over the years. These include days of the silent treatment, refusing to celebrate her birthday because he doesn't believe in it and discouraging her from taking a job she was interested in. He refuses to go to counseling and says whatever problems there are between them are her fault. I hold my tongue and try to tolerate him because she has chosen to stay with him.

He recently participated in a marathon and was connected to us and many others through social media so we could follow the entire two-day event from start to finish. After a day of constant "dinging" on my phone, I found his need for attention over the top and stopped following. My sister was very upset about it. She said she was embarrassed and hurt. When she asked why I stopped, I told her the truth.

Now our relationship is damaged. I apologized and tried to smooth things over, but she's now fully aware of my true feelings about him after seeing and hearing how he has treated her over the years. Should I have "kept the peace," as my dear departed mother always said, and continued to keep my mouth shut, or should I have been honest about my feelings? -- PROTECTIVE OF SIS

DEAR PROTECTIVE: Because you say you and your sister are close, I am surprised you held your tongue about her husband's behavior for so long. You did nothing wrong by tuning out of the marathon updates. You should not have been expected to be held hostage for two days because your brother-in-law's ego needed bolstering. You were honest with your sister and, in my opinion, did nothing that requires an apology.

DEAR ABBY: My partner and I have been in a long-distance relationship for about a year. After I did some casual social media stalking, I learned he still lives with his ex-boyfriend, in spite of the fact that he continually complains to me about his "roommate," whom he never refers to by name.

On top of that, we made a commitment over the last year to phone each other at least once a day. For the past three weeks, there are times I haven't heard from him at all, despite seeing him active on social media (especially on weekends). It's to a point where I stay awake until all hours, hoping to hear from him. Should I approach him about this, or is this just the end to the "honeymoon phase"? -- WAITING BY THE PHONE IN CANADA

DEAR WAITING: Not only is it the end of the "honeymoon phase," but it may also be the beginning of the end of this romance because it appears your "partner" isn't as eager to contact you as you are to hear from him. Long-distance relationships can be challenging, and you may be happier if you couple up with somebody local.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law, "Brooke," lost her grandfather five weeks ago. She has chosen not to tell her 4- and 10-year-old kids about it. She has ordered my husband, me and our son not to mention it. The kids see her grandmother at least once a week, and she is not supposed to tell them either.

I didn't know the kids hadn't been told and I started to say something at a family dinner. The 10-year-old heard me, and I got shushed. I'm mad at the whole situation. Brooke refuses to tell them "until she's ready," and I couldn't disagree more. I understand her grief. I have lost grandparents and parents. The services won't be for several weeks. I understand she can't deal with the loss yet, but denying her kids the truth only delays her grieving process and also doesn't allow them their time to grieve and process.

Now Brooke is mad and screaming and crying about it. I'm trying to back off, but I'm angry that her needs are being put first and at being told I made a horrible mistake by offering the love and caring I thought they needed. How can I repair the perceived mistake I have made? -- VEXED IN VERMONT

DEAR VEXED: If you were unaware that your DIL was trying to shield her kids from the reality of their great-grandfather's death when you spoke out, you did nothing wrong. However, you should have offered an apology to her privately. Back off and lie low until the funeral. Your DIL is not herself right now. She needs time to cool off and regain some perspective. It would be interesting to know how your son feels about the way she's handling this. With luck, he can smooth things over.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband leaves town for a work trip or a vacation, or if I'm out of town for any period of time, we are suddenly in love again! We miss each other like crazy and send loving texts and exchange mushy phone calls like we're still newlyweds.

When he's home and we're living life with jobs, kids, bills and responsibilities, we are disconnected and distant. We interact more as partners and friends than romantic lovers. We've been married for 21 years, and it's always been this way. Does absence truly make the heart grow fonder, or can we stand each other only when we're not together? -- PERPLEXED IN TEXAS

DEAR PERPLEXED: Absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder, nor does it necessarily drive a wedge between a couple whose marriage has a strong foundation. That when you are apart you and your husband feel the need for the romantic connection that brought you together tells me your marriage is strong in spite of the responsibilities of your daily lives. Have you considered treating yourselves to an occasional date night, just the two of you, away from the distractions of the children? If you haven't, I'll bet you would both enjoy it.

DEAR ABBY: I am widowed after 45 years of marriage. A male work friend of 20 of those years wants to have a relationship with me but he's still married. We have already had incredible phone sex because he said he's in a sexless marriage. I enjoy our long conversations. He lives up north and I reside in Florida, so we won't meet in person. Since his wife refuses him sex and because he has been attracted to me from the day we met at work 20 years ago, what do you think about our continued phone sex? -- GOOD CALL IN FLORIDA

DEAR GOOD CALL: To paraphrase William Shakespeare, "A rose is a rose by any other name." So is adultery. If, after having had 45 years of a presumably happy marriage, your goal might be to form a relationship that possibly leads to cohabitation, I would urge you to find someone who's available, rather than settle for phone sex that will lead nowhere with someone who's unavailable.

DEAR ABBY: Is there a polite way to ask my neighbor where his wife is? I've lived in a neighborhood for four years where most people keep to themselves. During COVID, I noticed this female neighbor taking multiple walks each day. I introduced myself and sometimes came across her on my walk. She was pleasant but didn't seem interested in being "friendly." She was ALWAYS on her phone every time she left the house. They have a young, teenage daughter who sometimes walked with her mom.

I haven't seen the woman in more than a year. The daughter and dad sometimes walk together with the dog. My reason for wanting to know is to understand their circumstance -- did she pass away, did she leave her husband? It's like she simply vanished. -- CONCERNED NEIGHBOR IN A SMALL TOWN

DEAR CONCERNED: The next time you see the husband say, "I used to see your wife walking so often. I haven't seen her in about a year. How is she?"

DEAR ABBY: For the last 14 months, I've been in a relationship with a man I adore. Things have been great. There's just one problem, though, that really bothers me. He rents a room (his living room, actually) to his ex-girlfriend.

In the beginning, I didn't feel I had the right to say anything about it, and he assured me she would eventually move. Well, now we can't even discuss the issue without getting upset. He says it's financial. I say he could find another roommate. I suspect he's just making excuses. I don't think we can move forward in our relationship with this baggage in our way. I need some advice. -- THIRD WHEEL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WHEEL: Actually, I'm not sure you need my advice because your thinking is crystal clear. This man could find another "roommate" if he was so inclined. My intuition tells me he may be getting more from his "ex"-girlfriend than rent money. I completely agree that your relationship won't move forward with that "baggage" in the way. That's why it's time to ... move on.