DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law, "Brooke," lost her grandfather five weeks ago. She has chosen not to tell her 4- and 10-year-old kids about it. She has ordered my husband, me and our son not to mention it. The kids see her grandmother at least once a week, and she is not supposed to tell them either.

I didn't know the kids hadn't been told and I started to say something at a family dinner. The 10-year-old heard me, and I got shushed. I'm mad at the whole situation. Brooke refuses to tell them "until she's ready," and I couldn't disagree more. I understand her grief. I have lost grandparents and parents. The services won't be for several weeks. I understand she can't deal with the loss yet, but denying her kids the truth only delays her grieving process and also doesn't allow them their time to grieve and process.

Now Brooke is mad and screaming and crying about it. I'm trying to back off, but I'm angry that her needs are being put first and at being told I made a horrible mistake by offering the love and caring I thought they needed. How can I repair the perceived mistake I have made? -- VEXED IN VERMONT

DEAR VEXED: If you were unaware that your DIL was trying to shield her kids from the reality of their great-grandfather's death when you spoke out, you did nothing wrong. However, you should have offered an apology to her privately. Back off and lie low until the funeral. Your DIL is not herself right now. She needs time to cool off and regain some perspective. It would be interesting to know how your son feels about the way she's handling this. With luck, he can smooth things over.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband leaves town for a work trip or a vacation, or if I'm out of town for any period of time, we are suddenly in love again! We miss each other like crazy and send loving texts and exchange mushy phone calls like we're still newlyweds.

When he's home and we're living life with jobs, kids, bills and responsibilities, we are disconnected and distant. We interact more as partners and friends than romantic lovers. We've been married for 21 years, and it's always been this way. Does absence truly make the heart grow fonder, or can we stand each other only when we're not together? -- PERPLEXED IN TEXAS

DEAR PERPLEXED: Absence doesn't always make the heart grow fonder, nor does it necessarily drive a wedge between a couple whose marriage has a strong foundation. That when you are apart you and your husband feel the need for the romantic connection that brought you together tells me your marriage is strong in spite of the responsibilities of your daily lives. Have you considered treating yourselves to an occasional date night, just the two of you, away from the distractions of the children? If you haven't, I'll bet you would both enjoy it.

DEAR ABBY: I am widowed after 45 years of marriage. A male work friend of 20 of those years wants to have a relationship with me but he's still married. We have already had incredible phone sex because he said he's in a sexless marriage. I enjoy our long conversations. He lives up north and I reside in Florida, so we won't meet in person. Since his wife refuses him sex and because he has been attracted to me from the day we met at work 20 years ago, what do you think about our continued phone sex? -- GOOD CALL IN FLORIDA

DEAR GOOD CALL: To paraphrase William Shakespeare, "A rose is a rose by any other name." So is adultery. If, after having had 45 years of a presumably happy marriage, your goal might be to form a relationship that possibly leads to cohabitation, I would urge you to find someone who's available, rather than settle for phone sex that will lead nowhere with someone who's unavailable.

DEAR ABBY: For the last 14 months, I've been in a relationship with a man I adore. Things have been great. There's just one problem, though, that really bothers me. He rents a room (his living room, actually) to his ex-girlfriend.

In the beginning, I didn't feel I had the right to say anything about it, and he assured me she would eventually move. Well, now we can't even discuss the issue without getting upset. He says it's financial. I say he could find another roommate. I suspect he's just making excuses. I don't think we can move forward in our relationship with this baggage in our way. I need some advice. -- THIRD WHEEL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WHEEL: Actually, I'm not sure you need my advice because your thinking is crystal clear. This man could find another "roommate" if he was so inclined. My intuition tells me he may be getting more from his "ex"-girlfriend than rent money. I completely agree that your relationship won't move forward with that "baggage" in the way. That's why it's time to ... move on.

DEAR ABBY: For the last 14 months, I've been in a relationship with a man I adore. Things have been great. There's just one problem, though, that really bothers me. He rents a room (his living room, actually) to his ex-girlfriend.

In the beginning, I didn't feel I had the right to say anything about it, and he assured me she would eventually move. Well, now we can't even discuss the issue without getting upset. He says it's financial. I say he could find another roommate. I suspect he's just making excuses. I don't think we can move forward in our relationship with this baggage in our way. I need some advice. -- THIRD WHEEL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WHEEL: Actually, I'm not sure you need my advice because your thinking is crystal clear. This man could find another "roommate" if he was so inclined. My intuition tells me he may be getting more from his "ex"-girlfriend than rent money. I completely agree that your relationship won't move forward with that "baggage" in the way. That's why it's time to ... move on.

DEAR ABBY: I met a man, "Gabe," 30 years ago. We had a very good time together. We dated some and even traveled occasionally. I liked him a lot but, when we met, I was divorced and looking for marriage. He was not. I moved for my job, and met and married someone else. Gabe did call to keep in touch for several years, but the calls stopped. I never forgot him.

My husband passed away four years ago, and then COVID hit. Feeling the loneliness of lockdown, I wrote letters to people I hadn't heard from in years. Gabe's was one such letter. He called me after he received it, and we reconnected. We have enjoyed each other's company off and on since then.

I would love to have a deeper relationship with him. Unfortunately, he regards me as nothing more than a friend. He is intelligent, quick-witted, well-traveled and still very handsome. I enjoy his company very much. I've wanted to tell him how I feel, but I don't want to jeopardize what we have together. So here I am, now in my 60s, feeling lost and not knowing how to handle my desire to be with him. What do you think? -- LONG HISTORY IN FLORIDA

DEAR HISTORY: If you are looking for more than you already have with Gabe, you are wasting your time. Gabe is satisfied with the relationship just as it is. If he wasn't, believe me, he would have mentioned it. If what you need is someone to "nest" with, you will have to look elsewhere. Sorry, he isn't it.