DEAR ABBY: Last year my mother passed away after a 15-year battle with lung cancer. When I tell people she died, I am not bothered if they ask what she died from. However, more often than not, when they learn she died of lung cancer, they proceed to ask me if she ever smoked. It's so upsetting! Why would they ask this? Because she got what she deserved if she did?

Without answering their rude question, I explain that my mother had a rare, slow-growing type of cancer that afflicts nonsmokers (which is true). Am I overreacting to this insensitive question, or is there something I'm missing? And is there a better way to answer so that people realize it doesn't matter?

P.S. I would normally call my mother with questions like this. -- MOTHERLESS DAUGHTER

DEAR MOTHERLESS: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your mother. People ask this question for a variety of reasons. Curiosity is one of them. However, I think there's also an element of fear involved -- was this the death of an innocent, or did the person do something to bring it on? Because lung cancer is linked so strongly to smoking and secondhand smoke, people often forget that nonsmokers can get it -- including individuals who work around asbestos.

While I understand why you would be especially sensitive to the question, I think you should answer it honestly. If you do, you might educate the asker. I can't guarantee that your mother would advise you to do it but, from my heart, I suggest you do.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend for four years. He works for a company that takes him all over the country. We see each other sometimes once a month for three to five days. Other times we don't see each other for two months. He is 62, and I'm 55. He has looked for a job in my hometown, but never gets an interview, probably because of his age. I have a stable job with retirement benefits that I cannot leave.

I have broken up with him several times, but we always get back together. He is kind and treats me well. I worry I won't find that again, but I'm tired of doing things by myself. I have often asked him what the future holds for us, and he can never give me an answer.

Because he doesn't have retirement benefits, he will have to work until he can get on Medicare. I can't wait three more days much less three more years. I guess I'm asking you what should I do. I worry about being alone but, in reality, I am already alone. -- ANXIOUS IN ARIZONA

DEAR ANXIOUS: Because your gentleman friend can never give you a straight answer when you ask what the future holds for the two of you, you are right -- you ARE alone. You didn't mention whether you and this man love each other or if you are seeing other people, but I'm advising you to leave your options open, because there are no guarantees as far as your boyfriend is concerned.

DEAR READERS: I wish a very Happy Mother's Day to mothers everywhere -- birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers, grandmothers who are raising their grandchildren, and dual-role dads. Orchids to all of you for the love you give not only today, but each and every day. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My adult son has a drug addiction, for which he is receiving treatment. My family and I have just met his daughter, who we had only recently learned about. She's 6. I had a celebration for her birthday at my house. My mom (the great-grandma) took pictures of the birthday girl and her friends, and posted them on social media. I had asked her before the party started to please not post pictures of the children on social media. She said she does what she wants.

I don't believe pictures of children under 18 should be posted on social media and, in this case, especially since we just met my granddaughter. She didn't have permission from the other children's moms to post. I feel my mother disrespected my house and my rules, and I need to know how to handle future events. Please help.

I was raised to respect my parents, but this is a deal-breaker, and I'm seriously considering not including her in future events involving the children. -- DEAL-BREAKER IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR DEAL-BREAKER: Your mother has made it clear that your wishes and your rules mean nothing to her -- she does what she wants. Now it's time to exercise your own good judgment and do what you want. If you feel she might do something that would place the children in harm's way, by all means exclude her from events involving them.

DEAR ABBY: After three years together, my boyfriend and I decided to split up amicably once we graduated from college. I bought him an expensive engraved pocket knife as a graduation gift, but there was a delay and it didn't arrive until we had graduated and he'd returned to his home country in Europe. I forwarded it to him with a card when I received it. Unfortunately, when the box arrived in his country a month later, it was empty except for the card. Someone had stolen my gift.

We have both filed claims with our countries' post offices, to no avail. Should I buy him a new one, or has the moment passed? While the knife was expensive, it didn't cost so much that I can't afford another one, and he stressed that he didn't expect a replacement. What's the right thing to do? The gift was intended as a memento of his graduation and our relationship, but it feels strange to repeat the exercise now that we're broken up. What do you think? -- MOMENT HAS PASSED

DEAR MOMENT: Because your ex-boyfriend made clear that he doesn't expect a replacement, let the matter rest. Allow his memories of college -- and you -- to be his mementos. They are what's most important because they can't be stolen.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with someone for seven years. From the start, he said he wasn't the jealous type. He says that when we are out, flirting is OK because we go home together, and if someone wants a kiss, I should give it. What do you think of this? I'm not for it. -- HEARTBROKEN IN FLORIDA

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: So this man says it's OK for both of you, I assume, to flirt and kiss others? What I "think" is that regardless of how long you have been together, this person isn't interested in an exclusive relationship, and if that's what you want, it may be time to find someone whose values more closely mirror your own.

DEAR ABBY: I have a daughter, "Molly," who is in her late 30s. Her father and I divorced when she was an infant, and I raised her, with help from my family, until I remarried. Her father had visitation and paid child support, but that's where it ended. Throughout Molly's life, I have taken care of all medical expenses, extracurricular activities, etc., and I sacrificed so she could have what she needed.

The problem I'm having is that she treats me badly, while her father, his family, her husband's family and members of my family are put on a pedestal. The disrespectful way she talks to me and her superior attitude have sent me into depression. She doesn't answer texts or return my phone calls unless she feels like it or wants something.

There's the possibility that I'll be coming into some money soon, and I have been thinking about changing my will and not leaving her anything. I am seeing a therapist to figure out why I can't tell her how much her words and actions hurt me. I love Molly very much, but I don't like her. Shouldn't she be the one in therapy to figure out why she treats me this way? -- MISTREATED MOM IN GEORGIA

DEAR MOM: People don't usually seek therapy unless they are hurting, as you are. Don't waste your time waiting for her to seek help for something she doesn't think is a problem. Your daughter is fine with the status quo because you haven't drawn the line and demanded to be treated with consideration. I don't know if she's aware that you are about to come into money, but when she finds out, you may discover she has a sudden change of attitude.

If the money comes through, I hope you will spend that windfall on things you enjoy -- travel, cultural events, all the activities you missed out on while sacrificing for Molly. You deserve it; she doesn't. Please tell your therapist I said so. I'm quite sure your therapist will agree.

DEAR ABBY: I renovated and moved into my girlfriend's house a year ago, to the tune of $80,000. We have been together 12 years and agreed that although neither of us wants to remarry, we should stop paying two mortgages because we are nearing retirement and should save money.

She has an old cat that is peeing all over the house. She says, "What do you want me to do about it?" I'm asking her to help me figure something out, but after more than a year of dealing with her cat peeing on everything from my children's beds to the carpets, nothing has changed. What can I say to get through to her that this is ruining our home and potentially getting people sick? I can't have guests over because of the smell. -- FRUSTRATED OVER THE FELINE

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You and your girlfriend should discuss this with the cat's veterinarian to find out if the animal's behavior is age-related and can't be controlled or a behavioral problem that can be corrected. Please don't wait to do it! You have my sympathy.