DEAR ABBY: I have a daughter, "Molly," who is in her late 30s. Her father and I divorced when she was an infant, and I raised her, with help from my family, until I remarried. Her father had visitation and paid child support, but that's where it ended. Throughout Molly's life, I have taken care of all medical expenses, extracurricular activities, etc., and I sacrificed so she could have what she needed.

The problem I'm having is that she treats me badly, while her father, his family, her husband's family and members of my family are put on a pedestal. The disrespectful way she talks to me and her superior attitude have sent me into depression. She doesn't answer texts or return my phone calls unless she feels like it or wants something.

There's the possibility that I'll be coming into some money soon, and I have been thinking about changing my will and not leaving her anything. I am seeing a therapist to figure out why I can't tell her how much her words and actions hurt me. I love Molly very much, but I don't like her. Shouldn't she be the one in therapy to figure out why she treats me this way? -- MISTREATED MOM IN GEORGIA

DEAR MOM: People don't usually seek therapy unless they are hurting, as you are. Don't waste your time waiting for her to seek help for something she doesn't think is a problem. Your daughter is fine with the status quo because you haven't drawn the line and demanded to be treated with consideration. I don't know if she's aware that you are about to come into money, but when she finds out, you may discover she has a sudden change of attitude.

If the money comes through, I hope you will spend that windfall on things you enjoy -- travel, cultural events, all the activities you missed out on while sacrificing for Molly. You deserve it; she doesn't. Please tell your therapist I said so. I'm quite sure your therapist will agree.

DEAR ABBY: I renovated and moved into my girlfriend's house a year ago, to the tune of $80,000. We have been together 12 years and agreed that although neither of us wants to remarry, we should stop paying two mortgages because we are nearing retirement and should save money.

She has an old cat that is peeing all over the house. She says, "What do you want me to do about it?" I'm asking her to help me figure something out, but after more than a year of dealing with her cat peeing on everything from my children's beds to the carpets, nothing has changed. What can I say to get through to her that this is ruining our home and potentially getting people sick? I can't have guests over because of the smell. -- FRUSTRATED OVER THE FELINE

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You and your girlfriend should discuss this with the cat's veterinarian to find out if the animal's behavior is age-related and can't be controlled or a behavioral problem that can be corrected. Please don't wait to do it! You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I have a wonderful 12-year-old son, "Oliver," who was conceived during a date rape at a work party. I don't remember much about that night. When I found out I was pregnant, I hoped my husband at the time was the father. When the baby came, it was obvious he wasn't, because Oliver is a different race. (I am Caucasian, and I'm thinking Oliver may be Pacific Islander.)

We divorced when Oliver was 2, and my ex had a DNA test, which, of course, proved he was not the father. Despite the findings, after I explained what happened, he offered to be Oliver's "dad" because he had bonded with him -- provided he would not have to pay child support. I agreed. I have two other older sons whom he fathered.

There have been times when Oliver and his brothers have asked about his brown skin, and I have been able to dodge the question. He's getting to an age where I don't think I can hold off much longer.

I always knew the time would come when he would have to know his dad is not his biological father, but I'm not sure what to tell him. I don't think I want him to know he is a product of rape, nor do I want to throw myself under the bus and say I cheated on his dad. That would open up questions about who his bio dad is. Please help. -- LOOKING FOR BEST WAY IN WASHINGTON

DEAR LOOKING: I fail to understand why you would equate "rape" with "cheating." What happened wasn't your fault, and you should feel neither guilt nor shame that it happened. While I understand your desire to protect Oliver, you should tell him the truth. When you do, be sure to emphasize how much you and your ex love him and how proud you are that he is your son.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in the process of building my first house down the street from my parents. (The lot was a good deal.) Recently, my mom told me she wants a key so she and Dad can have access to my house in case of severe weather (we live in tornado country). The layout and foundation of my house are sturdier than theirs. When I told her I didn't want anyone to have a key, she got really offended. It made me feel awful, but Abby, this is my first house, and if I have to give a key to someone when I don't want to, it defeats the purpose of having my own place.

I have been living with my parents to save up, and Mom has used guilt trips against me before. My sister and brother-in-law agree I shouldn't give in to her. I feel like a horrible daughter for refusing because she's not the type to snoop, but there have been instances when I've been in my room and she has entered without knocking. Should I stick to my guns or am I wrong? -- DAUGHTER IN DILEMMA

DEAR DAUGHTER: It strikes me as somewhat pushy that your mother would ask for a key to your home before it is even completed. What have your parents done during previous tornadoes? Because the house symbolizes your independence, I don't think you should hand the key over. It may make sense to have someone you trust be able to enter if you are traveling or have a pet that needs to be walked while you are working. In that event, you may change your mind and see the wisdom in offering her one.

P.S. If she abuses your trust, you can always have your locks changed.

DEAR ABBY: A year ago, when I discovered my husband's porn videos and naked pictures of his ex-girlfriends, he assured me he would delete them. It has been a year, and he still hasn't done it. When I mention it, he claims he doesn't look at them and doesn't have time to delete them. I ask him to be honest with me about if he intends to keep them, but he insists he "will" delete them. It makes me believe he has an emotional attachment to these women. How should I continue to deal with this issue? -- HE'S GOT A WIFE NOW

DEAR WIFE: Your husband may be less emotionally attached to the ex-girlfriends than titillated by their pictures. From what you have written, your husband isn't being completely honest with you. And THAT is the issue you should be dealing with, with the help of a licensed counselor, because solid marriages are based on trust, and there can't be trust without honesty.

DEAR ABBY: Our 24-year-old daughter is dating a 28-year-old divorced man who has two kids. Her father is very upset about it and refuses to meet him. The reason is the children. We both think they will be a burden to our daughter and she will eventually have problems with his ex-wife. How can we tell her we don't accept him without pushing her away or making her break up with him? She doesn't live with us. -- SAD IN FLORIDA

DEAR SAD: At 24, your daughter is an adult. At this point, she should have achieved enough independence to decide -- without coercion -- with whom she wants to be romantically involved.

I do not advise refusing to meet the man she cares about because it may be counterproductive. Children from prior relationships do not necessarily cause problems, and not all ex-spouses fly around on brooms causing trouble. You and your husband should make an effort to get to know him and, if you see red flags afterward, point them out then.

DEAR ABBY: Our 24-year-old daughter is dating a 28-year-old divorced man who has two kids. Her father is very upset about it and refuses to meet him. The reason is the children. We both think they will be a burden to our daughter and she will eventually have problems with his ex-wife. How can we tell her we don't accept him without pushing her away or making her break up with him? She doesn't live with us. -- SAD IN FLORIDA

DEAR SAD: At 24, your daughter is an adult. At this point, she should have achieved enough independence to decide -- without coercion -- with whom she wants to be romantically involved.

I do not advise refusing to meet the man she cares about because it may be counterproductive. Children from prior relationships do not necessarily cause problems, and not all ex-spouses fly around on brooms causing trouble. You and your husband should make an effort to get to know him and, if you see red flags afterward, point them out then.