DEAR ABBY: I recently purchased some eyeglasses that my wife totally hates. The frames are round and somewhat retro in style. I have received compliments on them from friends and co-workers. The rub is, my wife has told me she doesn't want me wearing them, and that by wearing them I'm disrespecting her, disregarding her feelings and, by extension, not caring about her.

I am feeling very controlled not being able to wear the glasses I like. I love her, but I think I'm "old enough" to make my own personal choices. By the way, I never tell her what she may or may not wear, as I feel that is her personal choice as well. Am I wrong to wear them? -- SEEING RED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR SEEING RED: No, you are not "wrong." Your wife is wrong to equate your choice in eyewear with your regard for her. From where I sit, it looks like an attempt to fight dirty. Don't fall for it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Arthur" for 50 years. There have been many problems in our marriage, and we even separated a couple times. I had kids to raise and never enough money to break it off completely. Over the last 13 years, my husband has been so-called "unable to work" and on disability. I have worked to keep us afloat, while he eats and sleeps and has gained 100 pounds.

My mother passed away this year, and I will inherit money after my siblings and I sell her house. Would it be ridiculous for me to move out and get my own apartment? I am very unhappy living with Arthur, and he can make it on his own Social Security, which I helped him to maximize. -- REALLY NEEDS A CHANGE

DEAR REALLY NEEDS: The question you are asking is a legal one. Laws vary depending upon where you live. Before making any changes, you need to discuss this with an attorney to determine what the financial implications are for you if you should divorce Arthur. Do it now, before your mother's estate is settled.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and her husband have created online family albums. My son-in-law takes most of the pictures. When we visit, he rarely takes any pictures of our side of the family, but he always takes pictures of his own family. My daughter doesn't seem to care or notice that we are absent from the albums.

I'm afraid that in years to come, our grandchildren will look at those albums and think we weren't there. The other grandparents once said that the grandkids always talk about us, and I got the impression they felt threatened. I know they shared it with their son. We are hurt. -- THE BIG PICTURE IN THE EAST

DEAR BIG PICTURE: Your fear of being "erased by omission" may be valid. Because you mentioned that your daughter doesn't notice, talk privately with her and tell her that you and her father are hurt because of the discrepancy. Unless you do, the situation won't change. While you're at it, ask if you can upload your own photos to the albums. And continue making non-photo memories with your grandchildren, as you have been doing.

DEAR ABBY: My son just withdrew from college with a medical leave due to anxiety and depression. My husband and I support him fully and are helping him receive the help he needs. Of course, we are very concerned.

The problem is my mother. When I was young and had similar problems, she told me: "It's a sin for someone who has as much going for her as you do to be depressed." (This was especially strange since she's not religious.) She has been similarly dismissive of my feelings during other bouts of depression. She is generous with money, gifts, cooking, etc., but she cannot understand that being close with someone has more to do with emotional trust than simply time spent together.

I don't know how to handle this current situation with my son. She wants to be involved, but I have a strong aversion to her being around because I don't know what she'll say. I need to protect my son and myself, but I know she'll feel hurt if I leave her out. What should I do? -- MENTAL HEALTH ADVOCATE

DEAR ADVOCATE: Your mother's feelings should not be a priority right now. I'm recommending you "Grandma-proof" your son to the extent you can, by explaining to him that "Nana" has some old-fashioned, outdated ideas about depression, an illness that can run in families and appears to run in yours.

There are far more effective interventions for him now than were available for you back then. Medications and sometimes talk therapy can put him in a more positive frame of mind, and I'm glad you can help him get the professional help he needs.

DEAR ABBY: For most of my life, I've felt uncomfortable in my own body. It seemed as though my right arm belonged to someone else. I have decided to have it amputated, and I'm trying to find the best way to tell my family. I'd appreciate any suggestions you might have. -- LOST FOR WORDS

DEAR LOST: There's a name for those feelings you have had for so long. It's called "body integrity identity disorder." Before trying to explain your desire for amputation to your family, please discuss this with a licensed psychotherapist who may be able to help you determine if you truly want to follow through with your intention. With psychiatric help, you may be able to integrate your "alien limb" into your body image.

DEAR ABBY: I lost a friend about two months ago. During the early morning hour of his death, I was having breakfast alone, and I had the light on in my dining room. All of a sudden, the light went out and then came back on. Abby, the only power that went out was the light over my head. I am a science person. I do not believe in mystical things. Now I am not so sure my friend wasn't communicating with me. I cried. What do you think? -- MISSING HIM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MISSING HIM: I think if it comforts you to believe your friend was reaching out to you as he passed to the next realm, you should hold onto and treasure that thought. If it doesn't do that, let it go and dwell on the wonderful friendship you two shared.

DEAR ABBY: I'm conflicted about a relationship I have developed with a 77-year-old lady I'll call "Martha." I have been acting as her caregiver.

For the first three years, I was addicted to pain pills, which Martha and I both get. I was so strung out I didn't realize what kind of person she was. She expects me to be there every free minute, which, under different circumstances, would be fine. But I have a husband and a dog. I have since gotten sober, while Martha is still strung out. She threatens to destroy my life if I won't do what she wants, and I'm scared to quit because we have loans together.

How do I start having a healthy balance with her and my life? Now that I'm sober, I realize how badly she has been treating me the whole time. Can you please advise me how to distance from her? -- SOBER WOMAN IN GEORGIA

DEAR SOBER WOMAN: For the sake of your sobriety, your relationship with Martha must end. Do not allow yourself to be blackmailed into continuing one with her. She needs to find another caregiver, and you need to find another job. Because your name is on those loans, you may be obligated to pay them off if she doesn't. This is why you should discuss this mess with an attorney. That Martha still abuses her meds means you may have some leverage.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I argue about returning gifts his parents give us. They are well-off and buy excessively for their grandkids throughout the year, especially at holidays. They also buy multiple gifts for my husband and me. We are drowning in too much stuff and constantly battling clutter in our home.

None of these gifts are from our family's wish lists, nor are they particularly thoughtful. In years past, I have asked my mother-in-law to limit her purchases to three gifts -- one toy, one outfit, one book -- with no success. I also have pleaded with her to stop buying me small knickknacks, and have suggested more experience-based gifts. Still, year after year, we come home with a bunch of stuff we neither need nor want.

How can I get my in-laws to respect our wishes? To make matters worse, my husband becomes defensive of his parents when I get frustrated, even though he fundamentally agrees with me. How do I help his parents understand that what they are really giving us is a fight? And, if none of them care about my wishes, how do I get past feeling disrespected and disregarded? -- BURIED IN STUFF

DEAR BURIED: By now you should have realized that your mother-in-law, "Lady Bountiful," isn't going to change. You will spend less time being frustrated if you let go of your resentment about her spending sprees. My heartfelt advice to you is to develop a sense of humor where she's concerned. If you can't use her gifts, donate, regift or sell them.