DEAR ABBY: I recently Googled my brother-in-law to see if I could find his birthdate, which I had forgotten. When his name came up, so did some information I wish I hadn't seen.

He's a convicted sex offender (rape) who has served time. I am assuming my sister knows about his past. But what if she doesn't? I don't want to say anything to her, because if she already knows, she'll be upset that I now know. If she doesn't know and I tell her, I'm afraid she may blame me for messing up a good thing.

Should I talk to him and ask him if he's told her? Or should I leave things alone and let things play out naturally? I was shocked by the revelation because it doesn't fit the man I know. -- SHOCKED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SHOCKED: Are you 100% sure the information you found is about your brother–in-law? If it's true, the revelation that there is a felon in the family (and for rape, yet!) would shock anyone. Talk to your sister. Explain that you forgot the date of her husband's birthday and what you discovered. It's entirely possible that she knows about his past. But if she doesn't, direct her to the site from which you got that information, because she's entitled to know.

DEAR ABBY: My grandson is 30. He lives at home with his mother and father, both of whom are retired. He doesn't have a job, nor is he actively seeking one. The only so-called job he ever had in his life was as a security guard at a college museum, working some 20 hours per week.

He is healthy but seems to be content to continue living off his parents. They sent him to college, and he says he has a degree. His mother has told me she would never kick him out of the house. I think he should be forced to get a real job. His resume would be pathetic, but I believe if he stays on this course, he'll never be self-supporting. What do you think? -- REALISTIC GRANDPA IN FLORIDA

DEAR GRANDPA: I think you are correct. Your grandson is not a self-starter and, thanks to his parents' "generosity," he will never find the motivation to become independent. Nothing will change until his parents realize they need to encourage their son to grow up and leave the nest.

DEAR ABBY: My middle-aged daughter and her family have been estranged from me for several years, including the last year of her father's sad battle with dementia. I am told my grandson has been taught to refer to me as "The Devil," although I don't know why.

Recently, her husband (my son-in-law) emailed me a list of possessions from my home that they now expect to have. My late husband's wedding ring was included on the list. What would you say to the demands for items from an adult child with whom you have no relationship? -- OUT OF THEIR LIVES IN VIRGINIA

DEAR OUT: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your husband. As to what "I" would say in response to these grasping relatives, I wouldn't dignify their demand with any response at all.

DEAR ABBY: My sister, who was a bright and cheerful star for everyone and anyone, was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was removed with almost 100% margins several years ago. Our family feels unbelievably blessed that she's OK, but she knows she's not the same. This is ignored by some close relatives, but not by me.

I will forever be grateful for the fact that she's alive and OK, but she is not the sister I once knew no matter how hard she may try. I sympathize with her, I listen, I know she struggles because she's missing her old self. I try with heartfelt messages, but ultimately, I feel useless. And, selfish as it sounds, I miss my sister, my true sister, terribly.

I know this isn't what she wants, and I will be there for her no matter what the future brings. But what else can I do for her? I want to be anything she needs me to be, as she is more than deserving. -- SUPPORTIVE SIS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SIS: While some of her capacity may be diminished, what your sister needs is you to be her stalwart sister and love her for the person she is now. Support her, love her, appreciate that she's still with you and quit focusing on those aspects of her personality that are lost. I say this because it isn't healthy for either of you to dwell on the negative at this point, when there is so much for which to be thankful.

DEAR ABBY: I divorced my husband of 12 years after catching him cheating with multiple women. I took time for myself and wasn't in a hurry to meet anyone. However, about a year after the divorce, I met a great guy. I was quickly introduced to his family and they embraced me, inviting me to holidays and birthday parties, etc.

Four years went by and we started talking about marriage. We made plans to have our wedding at our favorite beach with family and a couple of friends. There were several people we would have loved to take part, but who couldn't due to the pandemic.

Before the ceremony, my husband and I came up with the idea of wearing white face masks to take a group picture. As the masks were being distributed, his family got angry and said they weren't going to do anything they didn't want to do. They then stomped off and wouldn't participate in the vows or any of the pictures.

They're angry with me, and I am hurt. And the hateful things they said also hurt my husband. I don't know how to handle this. -- BAD IDEA IN FLORIDA

DEAR BAD IDEA: What happened was terrible, and I can't blame you for feeling hurt at the treatment you and your husband received on your wedding day. However, this is the tribe you married into. Your husband's family may have reacted strongly because they objected to having their faces covered in a photo or to face masks in general. If it was the latter, it's a shame they felt they had to take a political stance while you were celebrating your nuptials.

Try to be forgiving. However, if you are abused again, recognize it may be time to distance yourselves and concentrate on your side of the family rather than your husband's.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law is increasingly overbearing and abusive to me. It has always been a problem, but I ignored her nasty comments. Now, I am finally sick of it.

During the last year, she has begun to insist my husband retire. She wants us to close the doors of a business we have operated for 43 years. We are highly successful. We have more than 23 employees who depend on their salaries for their livelihood, and the business is valuable.

I have tried to tell her nicely to butt out, but it has only made her more abusive. I can't draw Social Security yet, so I wouldn't have an income. My husband won't say much about it. Now she's soliciting our friends to call us and harass us about retiring. Help! -- STILL WORKING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR STILL WORKING: If anyone tells you to retire and sell your business, an appropriate response would be, "I know you mean well, but when we're ready to retire, we will let you know."

DEAR ABBY: I have been involved with someone for more than a year, and he has proposed. Being in a long-distance relationship has been very difficult. In the beginning, he was very attentive. He lives in Tennessee, and I am in Oregon.

I love him very much and I thought we were going to have a future together. However, he is very busy with his career so it's difficult making plans. We have set wedding dates a couple of times, and it's always getting put on hold.

My problem lately is he hasn't been responding to me by text or email. He said he loves me, but I don't understand why he hasn't gotten ahold of me. What do I do now? -- HANGING IN THE BALANCE

DEAR HANGING: I wish you had mentioned how long it has been since he has communicated with you. Could he be sick, injured or incarcerated? If it is none of those and it has been more than a couple of weeks, it would be fair to assume his enthusiasm has cooled, and you should reconsider the long-distance engagement.

DEAR ABBY: I am a nonbeliever and I need advice about how to respond when people "send prayers, are praying for you and yours, etc." There are countless "prayer" messages on social media for all occasions. I never know what to say because I don't pray, nor do I send prayers to anyone. Sending "warm thoughts" seems lame. What would be an appropriate response? -- AWKWARD IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR AWKWARD: You are not obligated to mention anything about God or prayers. If prayers are addressed to you, thank the sender for their thoughtfulness. If they are addressed to you and your family, include the word "we." If, however, the life challenge is someone else's, some appropriate responses might be, "I am sorry for your pain. I am sending warm thoughts, love, (etc.), with wishes for a speedy recovery, deepest sympathy, (etc.)."