DEAR ABBY: A year and a half ago, I separated from my husband because I was being neglected, not respected, and mistreated emotionally. During the separation, he had to have surgery and needed to be taken care of while he healed. I went back because, as his wife, I felt obligated to do the right thing.

I have tried to move forward and restore my marriage, but I still don't feel loved or appreciated. In the back of my mind, I can't forget the way he treated me in the past. I feel stuck because he isn't working and doesn't plan on working again. He says he's not able to, but I believe he could do something that's not strenuous. How do I find my happiness and still do the right thing? -- CONFLICTED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONFLICTED: Have you told your husband how you feel -- about everything? If you have and nothing has changed, make an appointment with a lawyer to find out what your obligations may be to a husband who is no longer self-supporting.

If he has no income, you may have to provide for him financially from now on. For some women, this might mean remaining unhappily married but living their own lives to the extent they can, and not relying on their spouse for emotional or any other support.

DEAR ABBY: I have to meet my fiance's adult children. They are not happy he's in a relationship since their mom's death two years ago. I'm very nervous about it, and so is he. What do we do? -- TAKING THE NEXT STEP

DEAR TAKING: You meet them, and do your best to relax and be friendly and open with them. Understand they are still grieving the loss of their beloved mother, and be prepared to do a lot of listening. Refrain from physical displays of affection with your fiance until they get to know you.

If it becomes necessary, their father should be prepared to make clear to them that you two are going to be married and, while they do not have to "love" you, he expects them to treat you with courtesy, respect and kindness.

DEAR ABBY: Is it customary to give a house cleaner or cleaning service lunch or offer them food if they are doing an extensive cleaning job? I ask because my mother-in-law hired a cleaning crew. She watches my infant daughter during the day. She doesn't cook or clean, although I pay her. Well, she gave the crew lunch. Mind you, she didn't ask me if it was OK or if I wanted the leftovers for my own lunch. I wouldn't mind, but I'm wondering if this is typical. -- CLEANING CREW LUNCH

DEAR CLEANING CREW: Let me put it this way: It is intelligent and hospitable to offer lunch if you want a happy, energetic cleaning crew who look forward to coming back. The practice is not uncommon.

P.S. If there are leftovers you would like to have for lunch, take them with you before the housekeepers arrive.

DEAR ABBY: I need some advice regarding my mother-in-law. She has hated me since the first time she met me because I'm not from the country but from "the city." I have given her gifts for birthdays and holidays and invited her on day trips with us, but she always refuses.

She also makes up lies about me. She claims I have STDs, spend all her son's money, etc. She even spread a rumor that I wouldn't allow her at our wedding. She lives 46 miles away and, in the five years we have been married, has never once visited her son. I take him to visit her because he can't get a driver's license because of medical issues.

Our child and I aren't even allowed in her home. We have to sit in the car. She acts like our child doesn't exist, but she has pictures of her other two grandchildren on Facebook and drives to see them almost weekly. My husband sees nothing wrong with her behavior and says he "won't take sides." I don't know what to do. -- PEEVED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR PEEVED: Please accept my sympathy for your situation. While your husband refuses to recognize there is anything wrong with his mother's behavior, it is off the charts. I hope you realize that most men stand up for their wives and children when they are mistreated.

Because you can't change your husband or his witch of a mother, and you made no mention of leaving the marriage, you will simply have to adjust to it. Start by planning an activity you and your child can enjoy while your husband is visiting his mom, rather than sitting for hours in the car. Even better, arrange "other" transportation for your husband.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 24-year-old woman who has been in a relationship with a man for seven years. "Ken" is 27 years older than I am. (I pursued him.) I love him, but I have always been slightly confused about my relationship with him, and he knows this. Lately, I have been feeling very guilty. My heart knows that my love for Ken isn't enough for what he truly deserves.

He's a good, honest man, and I enjoy our relationship. We get along great, have a lot in common and make a great team. I am comfortable with us and our life. But recently I have realized that I want to be on my own, alone, and not in a relationship. I feel a strong desire to focus on me and only me, so I can grow into the person I envision myself being. Any advice besides the obvious -- my leaving the relationship? -- WANTING MORE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WANTING: You became involved with Ken while you were still very young. It appears you never gave yourself time to fully develop as an individual. You state that you are still "in a relationship" rather than a marriage, which may be a blessing considering your ambivalence.

Many women would be glad to live their life in a relationship that has all the positive qualities that yours has with Ken. I am sure you both will discover this when you move on. However, since you asked my advice, talk this through with a licensed relationship counselor before making any final decision.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 38-year-old woman who used to be nice. Then I had a three-year affair. Knowing I'm one of America's bigger fools -- and for such a long time -- is infuriating, but I finally saw the light. The only person I think is a bigger fool than me is his wife.

Some "highlights" of our romance: He gave me an STD during spring break, I found "Ally's" phone number in his contact file, and I saw a blonde in a white convertible drop him off in front of his house at 9:15 in the morning, which, according to him, "never happened." My eyes don't lie. After I was struck by a car in a crosswalk, he never once called me to see how I was. After that, his teenage son followed me around town flipping me off and shouting obscenities at me. There's more, but I'll spare you.

Please warn your readers to stay away from affairs. They demean you, your mate will lose trust in you, and the person you're having the affair with -- can that person ever really be trusted? Won't he cheat on you, too? This "wonderful" man is an elementary school teacher. (Think about what he is teaching your kids, folks!)

Like I said, I used to be nice. I used to care and trust. No more! This man changed not only my entire life but also my family's. Will I ever forgive myself?

P.S. I have spent thousands of dollars for counseling. It's a lot of money, but I am worth it. -- FINALLY SAW THE LIGHT

DEAR FINALLY: Love may be blind, but I'm pleased you finally saw the light. I'm also pleased that you realized you needed professional help to regain some self-esteem. Your bitterness jumps off the pages of your letter. If you work on that with your counselor, too, it will be money well spent.

DEAR ABBY: I was widowed 10 years ago after 34 years of marriage. My late husband's sister, "Barbara," who is also now a widow with no children or other family, considers me her sister and friend. Abby, I have never felt close to her. We are very different, and neither my husband nor I had any real contact with her other than occasional holiday gatherings.

Barbara is a domineering, self-pitying hypochondriac with no friends left she hasn't alienated. We live fairly near each other, and I have the feeling since the loss of her husband three years ago that she's expecting me to be her companion and caregiver going into her elder years. I'd slit my wrists first!

I married my husband "until death do us part," not his family. I don't want to hurt Barbara's feelings; I just want to enjoy my own senior years. How can I gently remove myself from Barbara's game plan? -- DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS

DEAR DIDN'T SIGN UP: "Gently" remove yourself from Barbara's game plan by being increasingly less available. She may be strong-willed and domineering, but you do not have to knuckle under to her wishes or be a dumping ground for her problems.

If she asks to get together, be busy. If she's depressed, suggest grief counseling, which has helped so many. If she suggests you help her going into her declining years, explain that won't be possible because you plan to travel. You do not have to be cruel or heavy-handed about standing up for yourself. Just hang on to your sense of humor and keep your distance.