DEAR ABBY: My brother dated an alcoholic for years. "Jenny's" drinking progressively worsened to the point we could no longer have a conversation with her. She was a sloppy, emotional drunk and lied about her drinking to my brother. He finally became unhappy and recently broke off the relationship. His adult children, our dad, my husband and I are supporting him and encouraging him toward more healthy relationships. We are proud of him for making this move.
The challenge is our mom, who is a daily drinker. She misses her drinking buddy and continues to hang out with Jenny. My brother has told Mom it makes it harder for him to make a clean break, but she continues to meet regularly with Jenny.
I told Mom I have chosen not to contact Jenny because it hurts my brother. Mom responded that she will continue to see her, and that they don't talk about my brother (not true), so she can't understand the problem. Are we unfair for preferring a clean break for everyone? -- GOING FORWARD IN THE WEST
DEAR GOING FORWARD: You are not unfair, but this isn't your decision. It is your brother's and your mother's. Of course she doesn't want to give up her drinking buddy! You stated that she drinks every day. One of the warning signs of alcoholism is when someone's drinking disrupts relationships. Your mother's drinking is now negatively affecting her relationship with her husband, her son and you.
Because it appears she's unwilling to give up her drinking and gossip sessions with Jenny, it might be helpful for the rest of you to attend some Al-Anon meetings and learn to cope with this. You will find meetings are available online and almost everywhere if you visit al-anon.org/info.